A penguin's guide to Bay Area wildlife, Part III

Identification:

This particular wildlife generally is found on Silicon Valley freeways, especially near the "Golden Triangle" in northern Sunnyvale, Santa Clara, and San Jose. You can recognize it by the dashing dark-colored suit and dress shirt and power tie plumage, the Rolex watch, short dark hair, light-brown skin coloration, and, now, both hands wildly waving in the air (prior to the recent hands-free law, only one hand was waving in the air -- the other one had a Treo or Crackberry glued to the ear) as this species of wildlife negotiates deals at high speed in its favorite habitat, an upscale European automobile making its way at high speed down the highways. Yes, I'm talking about the Successful Indian Businessman.

This species of wildlife is an exotic import that believes it owns not only the majority of businesses in the Valley, but the freeways themselves. Having learned to drive in the crowded streets of Hyderabad, Bangalore, or Mumbai, this exotic believes the proper way to proceed down a highway is to simply choose a general direction and expect everybody else to get out of the way. The wonder is that rarely, if ever, is the Successful Indian Businessman ever involved in an accident. Apparently its serious-colored plumage and choice of steed is sufficient to warn all other creatures using those same highways that it is time to make way.

Habitat: This species is typically found in two places: 1) The executive offices of most high-tech businesses in the SF Bay Area, and 2) in an upscale European automobile making its way down Valley freeways. It is presumed that this species has a place where it perches at night-time, but has never been observed in that habitat.

Breeding habits: Occasionally the S.I.B. can be spotted in upscale shopping malls with the O.I.W. (Overweight Indian Wife) and O.I.S. (Overindulged Indian Spawn), thus it is clear that this species does reproduce. However, given that it appears to spend twenty hours a day in its favorite habitats (the executive suite or the expensive European automobile), it is unclear where or how it finds time to perform reproductive activities, and the nature of its sexual activities are completely unrecorded by any human eye. I may point out that, unlike more colorful species that don bright plumage in order to attract mates, this species appears to don rather dull and drab plumage (other than its shiny black dress shoes), though its access to gigantic quantities of lettuce (moolah, dough, cash) perhaps polishes its attractiveness to mates.

Danger to observer: If observed in its European automobile habitat, *extreme danger*. Do not approach. You risk being injured or even killed by its abrupt high speed maneuvers as its hands wave wildely around in the air and the automobile veers all over the highway. If observed in the executive suite, approach with caution and be sure to say "Yes boss, no boss, thank you boss" when interacting with it, because otherwise you will learn the meaning of the words "unemployment line".

-- Badtux the Wildlife Penguin