Being religious doesn't exempt you from the law

You can't just go out and start murdering people because your religion says murder is fine and dandy. You can't have fifty wives because your religion says polygamy is God's will. You can't have a meth lab in your bedroom because your religion says meth is God's diet drug. Murder, polygamy, and meth are all illegal, and just because you're a church doesn't mean you get to break the law.

So now the Catholic dress-wearin' kiddie-rapers are whining that Catholic hospitals will have to obey the new health care law, which requires birth control pills to be covered? Fuck them. Fuck them with a blunt baseball bat, like they fucked all those children for all those years. Look. The majority of employees at Catholic hospitals are *not* Catholic. And even among those who *are* Catholic, the majority of Catholics think employers should be required to provide health care plans that cover birth control at no cost, so that women can choose either to use birth control or not use birth control as their religion and conscience dictate. A buncha dress-wearin' pedophiles want special exemption from the law so they can force their ideology on folks who don't agree with it? Fuck that shit, yo. What next, they want a special exemption allowin' them to rape kiddies in the sacristy?

But I'll tell ya what. When the majority of Catholic priests have vaginas, I'll listen to the Catholic hierarchy about stuff that affects women. 'Till then, it ain't none of my fucking business. If the majority of women want birth control, and the majority of women want health insurers to pay for it, and for the matter if the majority of Americans as a whole agree with this law, nobody -- not me, not those kiddie fuckers, not *anybody* -- should have the right to say "no" to that. It's called *democracy*, you dumbfucks, and it ain't surprisin' that a former Nazi Youth don't hold much truck with democracy, but this here ain't goddamned Nazi Germany and I'll be a penguin's uncle if I'm gonna listen to some motherfucking dress-wearin' Nazi tell us that his ideology has to be forced on our women at gunpoint 'cause his ideology is more important than our democracy. Fuck that shit, yo.

-- Badtux the Blunt Penguin

Talking about praying the gay away...

... my gaydar bings loudly upon viewing the web site of this right-wing anti-gay minister who is calling for a boycott of Starbucks over their support for gay marriage. Especially when I view the videos, where he makes Mr. Rogers look manly with his stereotypically gay phrasings and mannerisms. At first I thought, "this can't be real, this has to be a parody of a right-wing closeted gay preacher". But based on my Google searches, he seems to really be what he is: A proponent of the conservative gay agenda. I.e., bigger closets.

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Lizard church service

The Austin Lounge Lizards, insisting that their God is the "One True God" and yours is a fake. Just some Austin snark, y'all ;).

-- Badtux the Snarky Pengui9n

Hatred loses

Park51 community center opens to the public with an exhibition of photographs of New York City children -- 160 NYC children, each child born in a different country on the planet. You might better know the Park51 Community Center as the "Ground Zero Mosque", though it's not a mosque -- but that hasn't stopped the right-wing haters from hating on it.

In other news, the sun came up this morning as usual, and no terrorists were spotted looking at the exhibition of children's pictures.

- Badtux the Take-that-haters Penguin

Park 51 Community Center Opens Its Doors

Busy Agenda

That mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda has apparently been really busy lately. First, according to the anti-gay group National Organization for Marriage (NOM), The Gay Agenda caused the East Coast earthquake earlier this week. Whoa! That's really... really. I guess The Gay Agenda caused the earthquake by whipping out his Gay Gun of Gayness and really pounding his sidekick, Pink Triangle Man (see below):

So anyhow, earthquakes apparently never happened in NOM's universe back in the days when America discriminated against gays. (Erm... New Madrid. Just sayin'). So then Pat Robertson weighs in and says the cracks in the Washington Monument are a sign from God. Unlike, apparently, the damage to the National Cathedral, which is just an accident.

I am eagerly awaiting what these folks are going to say about Hurricane Irene coming ashore somewhere on the East Coast. Presumably that's going to be The Gay Agenda's fault too. Talk about one heckuva blow job!

-- Badtux the Rude Penguin

Life in prison for a miscarriage?

Whenever someone says "there's no difference between Republicans and Democrats", I want to rub their nose in things like this. Yes, the Democrats suck. But at least they're not trying to put 15 year old girls into prison for murder because the girl miscarried (well, she's 21 now, but she was 15 when she miscarried). As sucky as the Democrats are, they're right now the only thing that stands between us and the Republic of Gilead, where women are chattel useful only for their vaginas.

-- Badtux the Practical Penguin

The Rapture of My Tire

This came out of my tire:

See previous day for photo of it actually *in* my tire. The tire store looked at the tire, and plugged it up and said it was fine. BFG offroad tires apparently are *tough*.

While my tire physically raptured, Harold Camping, trying to explain why Christians didn't just get sucked into the sky like a drunk redneck being hoovered up by proctology-practicin' UFO aliens, hit upon the explanation that it was a spiritual rapture. The end of the world is still on schedule for October 21st. Err.... alrighty, then.

BTW, just an update: Botox Girl was a hoax. Phew! I don't know whether to be relieved, or to be upset that the state of society is such that the story seemed plausible enough for major news outlets to cover as if it were real.

That's all the news for now, back to work. Here, have a cat -- this is TMF on a windy Sunday afternoon.

-- Badtux the Cat-owned Penguin

Why am I not surprised?

Harold Camping missing after his rapture didn't happen.

My guess is that he'll either be found at the bottom of a gully slumped over the wheel of his RV, or in Hawaii living it up on Rapture Money. So, dead or scam? A nation eagerly doesn't await news of yet another small-time fraudster's fate.

-- Badtux the Cynical Penguin

Yo Pat, where are ya?

Pat Robertson is famous for saying that natural disasters are a "punishment from God". He said that about Katrina, he said that about the Haiti earthquake, and so forth. Glenn Beck similarly loves saying that natural disasters are "messages" from God.

So today I eagerly await their pronouncements on the tornados that flattened portions of the South this week. Waiting for them to say these tornados were a punishment from God in three... two... one...

Oh WAIT A MINUTE, I forgot, it's only a punishment from God if it's DARKIES getting flattened, not if it's good god fearin' WHITE folk! Sheesh, what was I thinkin?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

A message?

So Glenn Beck asks, "Is God sending us a message with the Japan earthquake"?

Err... let me get this straight, Glennbo. Your invisible almighty great sky spirit is omnipotent and all-powerful and shit, but he's not capable of, like, just picking up the fucking phone if he wants to send us a message, and instead, like, decides to just make things shake and waves crash and people die and shit? So you're saying your invisible sky spirit can do all this, but he can't even make a simple fucking phone call like millions of pimply hormonal 14 year olds manage to do every single day? Dude. Bogus. Your magic undies must be cuttin' off the flow of blood to your brain. Just sayin'.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Short answers to easy questions

When Mike Huckabee (R-Huckleberry) says that Obama grew up in Kenya, is he an idiot, or a liar?

Answer:

• Yes.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

World Nut Daily wants to bring Christianity to Egypt!

So I get a frantic email from WND.com asking for donations to help them bring the word of Jesus to the heathen Egyptians. Because, y'know, Egypt has only had Christianity for a brief time -- only since 42AD.

What's so wondrous about modern U.S. evangelicals is their utter ignorance of geography and history... including the history of their very own Christian church, of which Egypt was a major part up until the conquest of Egypt by the Arabs in 641AD.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Worn-out welcome

Westboro Baptist Church has made a lot of friends in Oklahoma. So many friends that the police force in McAlester, OK turned out en masse to make sure that the tires on Westboro's van weren't slashed again.

Don't think it's because they like Westboro, though. Rather, to quote assistant Police Chief Darrell Miller, "We want these people out of here as soon as possible.” Which is hard to do with slashed tires.

Bwhahah! Even religious nutcases like Oklahoma can't stand the Westboro nutters. Talk about folks who unite America the way no other folks ever have!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Why global warming is a myth

Because the Bible promises to not flood the Earth after Noah, therefore there will be no global warming. Uhm, okay. Nevermind what science says about global warming (i.e., that it's happening). What's that silly "science" stuff ever gotten us, anyhow? Other than indoor plumbing? Well, indoor plumbing and the modern medicine that means most of us survive childhood now, unlike the good old days when most children died before reaching age 5? Well, indoor plumbing and modern medicine and airline travel and computers and the Intertubes we're typing this on. Other than that, science is just way, way overrated, right?

So anyhow, that's nuts, but it's just the rantings of a random religious loonie, you say? Err... NO. That's the rantings of the new (Republican) chairman of the Energy and Commerce Committee, John Shimkus.

As one of the commenters at that blog says, "adults that have imaginary friends should be considered insane and unfit for political office." Amen, brother :).

-- Badtux the Irreverent Penguin

A Reminder from World Nut Daily

WND.com reminds us in their latest email blast that the world was created Oct. 23, 4004 B.C., meaning that the world will be exactly 4013 years old next month. Oh, all those fossils? Radioactive isotopes? And so forth? Don't mind them, God placed them here just to baffle and confuse us, because God is a liar as well as a mass murderer (Noah's flood, remember?) and general vicious son of a bitch (the entire Book of Job). Not to mention a child abuser -- allowing his very own son to die messily and in horrific pain rather than do a mass smiting and plucking his son off that stick and sucking him up to Heaven (which, I guess, is a giant spaceship orbiting exactly opposite the Sun from the Earth, given that we've never seen anything up in the sky which looks anything like "Heaven").

World Nut Daily. They're batshit crazy because, well, because God told them to be. Nothing to do with bad chemicals in their brains causing neurons to misfire in batshit crazy ways, nosirree, they got faith, faith I say, that their hallucinations and delusions are sent to them by some invisible sky demon rather than being a sign of mental illness! Alrighty, then.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

The racism of the Christian right

We already know that the Christian Right are professional victims, whining about imaginary "discrimination" against Christians every time they aren't allowed special privileges that nobody else gets. A zoning ordinance prohibits erecting a 50 foot cross on a residential lawn or some shit like that, and they turn water into whine big-time, just like their Holy Savior. Nevermind that I can't erect a 50 foot tall statue of the Great Penguin on my lawn either, because the law prohibits all structures taller than 40 feet in our neighborhood. Do you hear me whining about discrimination against Tuxologists? No? If Christians don't get special privileges and special treatment compared to all other groups, the Christian Right whines about how victimized they are by being expected to obey the same laws as everybody else. Oh wah! If whine were wine, these self-entitled fatheads would have drowned in a whole fuckin' *sea* of wine by this time.

So anyhow, there's another thing about the Christian Right that nobody seems to want to touch with a ten foot pole: Most of'em are racist fucks. They really do believe that shit about black people bearing the "Mark of Cain" and thus being inherently evil. They're quick to point out that they allow black members in their churches and no longer shoot niggers on sight but instead co-exist peacefully with them and shit like that, but have you attended one of their churches recently? It's like you poured a few grains of pepper into a sea of salt, and the few blacks you see there are largely there for business reasons -- i.e., they work for the church, sell stuff to the church, whatever, but they're just there showing the flag. I mean, c'mon, who wants to voluntarily go to a church where everybody, like, thinks your color is a sign you're inherently evil and thus spend all their time babbling prayers at ya trying to drive the evil out and make you white like them? That's some sick shit, yo!

So anyhow, that's the background for that sick Christian Taliban bitch Bethany Storro, who burnt herself with acid to make herself even more of a victim in order to better proclaim her faith in Christ, and then blamed a big fat nigger woman for the acid attack because, like, all niggers are inherently evil so of course it was a nigger that done it, wot? Thus pulling together two threads of the contemporary Christian Right in America -- their professional victimhood, and their utter and total racism -- into one unholy and evil package. Kinda like Susan Smith, but at least Storro only hurt herself, not her kids -- thankfully.

And to quote some other Christian who is pissed: "Why is it that crazy people always want to step up and spread the word about Jesus? It’s hard enough being a Christian without the acid tossers, Koran burners, Sarah Palins, and the kill-a-grown-azz-person-to-protest-abortion types trying to be representatives." Well, I think it goes with that whole believing-in-imaginary-friends bit. What's charming in children is just fuggin' nuts in adults...

-- Badtux the Christian Taliban observin' Penguin

Liberal plot

EBM discovers that the laws of physics are a liberal plot. According to Conservapedia, at least.

But of course, to the true home-grown Christian Taliban, all of science is a liberal plot. Didn't you know that science, in general, is inherently a liberal conspiracy to divert people away from the Bible? Sheesh! Get with the program! What has science ever done for us, anyhow? Other than, well, planes, computers, communication satellites, cars, hot and cold running water upon demand, indoor plumbing, modern medicine, y'know, unimportant stuff?!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Pearl clutchers hyperventilate on Prop 8 overturn

So we got the usual pearl clutchers -- the magic undies bunch, the holy babbler bunch, and so forth -- hyperventilating over the fact that a Federal judge ruled that a state ban on gay marriage violated the Constitution. At which point, I gotta say, WTF?

Look. I don't give a shit whether your mate is black, white, male, or female. Whatever kinky shit you get up to in your private time is your business. Gay sex? I ain't gay, so WTF would I think about gay sex for?

Y'know, for some supposedly non-gay people, these folks sure do have an obsession about gay sex. I mean, they obsess more about it than the gay mayor of Gaytown. That's just, well, squicky. Look: Most normal straight folks, we don't go through every day thinking about gay sex. I mean, we got lives. We think about our families, we think about our jobs, we think about the grass needing mowing, but the only time we think about gay sex is when somebody brings it up in our presence, at which point our reaction is probably squick! (since gay sex ain't what moves our rod, if y'know what I mean), but once that moment's over, we ain't thinking about gay sex no more because, well, we aren't gay. So what does that say about the magic undies wearers and such who are doing such pearl-clutchin' about gay marriage and whinin' about how that mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda is gonna shoot everybody with his magic Gay Ray of Gayness and, like, make everybody gay? Dude. Gay. Just sayin'.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

And fuck you, Bill Donohue

As you know, I'm not that big a fan of Lady Gaga. I was around when the original Madonna was in her prime, and while Ms. Germanotta does a great update of the whole Madonna act and clearly is a talented performer in her own right, for me it's like, "eh, seen it before." I can understand why the kids who weren't around when Madonna was young go, well, Gaga over Gaga, though. If you've never seen anything like that before, it must seem rather daring and new. And Stef does do it very, very well.

So what am I doing posting a Gaga video, for the second day in a row supplanting the video that *should* be here (which got bumped somewhere later in the month)? Simple: To piss off that asshole Bill Donohue and his one-man "Catholic League", who claims that this video is "anti-Catholic". But I think P.Z. Myers gets the last word here: "...muscular young men gyrating in jackboots and tight shorts and nothing else, the weird headgear, the sadomasochistic imagery, the black leather uniforms, the flaming homoeroticism, and I was thinking, yeah, all that does remind me of Catholicism. I didn't think it was Catholic bashing, though. I thought it was a recruiting video." Heh.

-- Badtux the Catholic Music Penguin

Oh yeah, just to fuck with asshole Bill some more, here's the Dum Dum Girls with their song, "Catholicked":

Now that's some good ole' fashioned girl band rock'n'roll, early 60's style, heh. Even though the song actually dates to, err, 2009.

The Saga of George Allan Rekers continues

Rekers forced to resign from board of directors of group that claims to "cure" gays.

Rekers simply needs to come out and join the HRC. They need a good vigorous director, their current leadership is awful, having lost equal rights campaigns in both California and Maine recently (how the heck can you lose an equal rights campaign in *California*, for cryin' out loud?!). As an out gay, Rekers could make a difference. As a closeted gay, it seems clear that his life will continue going on a downward spiral.

Sadly, the chances of Rekers admitting that he's gay and doing something to redeem himself are about the same as the chances that cows will fly... but hey, I'll carry an umbrella anyhow, just in case I need to dodge falling cow pies, yo. It could happen, right?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

And just because... I'll repeat this video :)