A penguin's guide to Bay Area wildlife

It is little known that the San Francisco Bay area is home to some of the most exotic wildlife on the planet. Now, I hear you scoffing. "It's all paved!" you say. "It's all covered with horrible glass block office complexes and strip malls and cookie-cutter homes!" But that doesn't matter. Indeed, it makes the wildlife even more exotic.

Today's wildlife is... The Sulky Americanized Asian Daughter

Habitat: Typically, Vietnamese restaurants, though other Asian restaurants may also hold the occasional example of this wildlife.

Identifying marks: Skin-tight hip-hugger jeans, skin-tight t-shirt emphasizing her small pert breasts, long silky black hair, perpetual look of being put-upon due to being forced to work in the family restaurant.

Danger to observer: Moderate. She will slam hot bowls of soup onto your table as if personally insulted by your very existence. There have been rumors that she will spit in the soup "just because" if she thinks she can get away with it. However, unlike other forms of wildlife spotted here in the Valley there is no long-term harm from this species, due to its specialized mating habits.

Mating habits: she mates only with the Sulky Americanized Asian Son (of a different Asian family). Attempts to obtain a date with this species will result only in a sneer of disdain. You are not worthy and you will never understand.

Suggestions for observer: Do not look directly at this species unless you like hot soup in your lap, especially if your look could be interpreted as staring at her breasts. Interact with this species as little as possible and do not approach. While the danger is moderate, the danger is real.

-- Badtux the Wildlife Penguin