Monday, December 07, 2009

How to be a hipster scenester

If you want to impress your fellow hipster music scenesters, just tell them "Jandek's the coolest most original artist I've ever encountered. His rejection of all musical conventions is breathtaking in its originality."

Just do not, by any means, actually go listen to any of the awful moans, groans, croaks, and atonal random pluckings of stringed instruments that encompass his "work". This is a name to be dropped, not one to actually endure by, like, listening to that ear-shatteringly horrific mess.

-- Badtux the Tipster Penguin


  1. I never heard your guy , but did you ever hear Captian Beefheart and His Magic Band ?

  2. The whole point of being a hipster scenester is throwing out a name that nobody has ever heard of, generally someone so atrocious that the reason nobody has ever heard of him is because he *sucks*. As in, it's unlistenable drivel, either pretentious drivel or just *bad*. But you praise the qualities of whoever this person is and the other hipster scenesters nod knowingly either because they're in on it having heard of this person described that way too, or because they think they'll look out-of-it if they don't. But under no circumstance should you actually *listen* to this person's output, your ears will be bleeding for days, you're just repeating something you read on some obscure music hipster site like Brooklyn Vegan or something.

    Yes, I've heard of Captain Beefheart, and Beefheart actually had some stuff that didn't suck, so he doesn't qualify for that. Sorry ;).

    - Badtux the Snarky Music Penguin

  3. Oh, God, not Jandek. {*grimaces*} That guy's shit is truly horrible. It probably wouldn't be as hard to listen to if I didn't have perfect pitch...

  4. Beefheart definitely had some listenable stuff. Of course, the album of his that gets name-dropped by hipsters is Trout Mask Replica, which is by far the most grating, atonal, unlistenable thing he ever did...

    Which, of course, merely reinforces original point about the musical tastes of hipsters.

  5. Jim, you would be amazed at the absolute mass of crap that I filter through to find the songs that make muster on this blog. There is a lot of pretentious shit out there (and yes, some gals are in on it too, there's a couple of young ladies highly touted on Pitchfork that you will never see here because while they know how to sing and play their instruments and I love their voices, their product is so self-referentially pretentious drivel that it annoys the crap out of me, same reason you won't see Beefheart here). But Jandek is unique in that it isn't even pretentious shit, it's just *bad*. The pretentious part is the people who drop the name, not Jandek himself, which is apparently the pseudonym of a somewhat neurotic stockbroker who is utterly tone-deaf and hasn't the slightest idea how to sing or play a musical instrument.

    Aaron, I think the good Captain dropped a few too many tabs of acid in the 60's ;). But you certainly do summarize my point concisely.

    - Badtux the Non-hipster Penguin

  6. I listened to a few seconds of Jandek. Yes, it sucks. No, I won't listen again.

  7. I went to see him in Vancouver, not knowing who he was (because I am not a hipster, but apparently my husband is?). He stayed for the whole show, I left after 4 grueling songs and WAITED IN THE CAR. That's how bad it was to me...


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