Can-do America

When Clint Eastwood was born and raised, America was a can-do nation. There was no problem that Americans didn't attempt to solve, nothing that an American couldn't do. Vietnam broke the spine of can-do America -- suddenly we *couldn't* do something -- and ever since, can't-do America has been the rule. America can't provide healthcare for everybody. America can't solve homelessness or hunger. America can't provide a good education for everybody who wants one, America can't find jobs for all the Americans ready and willing to work, American can't, can't, can't, can't.

Clint is basically calling bullshit on that whole notion, on behalf of a car company that's back from the grave and making cars as good as any that it's ever made. And if Karl fucking Rove believes that advocating for a Can-do America is partisan, fuck him. Fuck him and the nihilistic defeatist divisive can't-do spirit that he represents. That is all.

- Badtux the Can-do Penguin

Close to 50% of Americans are now poor

A couple of weeks ago, I noted a quietly released and completely unpublicized (except by the official magazine of the Communist Party, WTF is that, that the Communists cover the US better than our so-called "free" press?) Social Security income report which inadvertently pointed out that the median income of the average American was near the poverty line for a family of four, and well under the 133% mark that most experts consider "poor". That is, if you are a single-income family of four in America, you're likely poor. And the Great Recession has made a lot of single-income families of four -- and some no-income ones, for that matter.

Now Census data pretty much confirming the Census data has been released and even our snoozing press had to pay attention to the fact that 1 in 2 Americans are now poor. And mayors are saying that a significant number of people needing food assistance aren't getting any because of cuts to food banks and other social safety networks, but hey, let them eat cake, right? Congratulations, Republicans. Your project, 30 years in the making, to turn America into the world's biggest banana republic with a stinking rich oligarch class and everybody else a poor-ass serf is coming to fruition. Bet you're proud.

-- Badtux the Banana-eating Penguin

The winner of the debate was...

... Democrats. The most amazing thing was when the crowd bloodthirstily clapped when Goodhair boasted of how many innocent people he'd executed. Yeah, not a lot of Democrats in that crowd. Anyhow, Crazy White (Lady) and the Seven Dwarfs put on the show we've been expecting to see, even though the dwarf "Boring" got replaced with the dwarf "Dopey" for this debate. Hmm, let's name the dwarfs. Sleazy, Grumpy, Creepy, Dopey, Dope, Goldy, and Skeezy. What a collection. And of course Crazy White complements them quite well.

Which reminds me, the preliminaries for Wet Your Pants Day have started with the usual bogus terror alert to keep us all anxious for kindly Big Brother to protect us from them mean terriers who want to destroy our freedoms (huh, don't terriers usually just wanna destroy your shoes?!) and thus we must destroy our freedoms first or the terriers win and... err... I think I lost the plot here. But that's okay, the whole fucking nation lost the plot on September 11, 2001, so remember, we must all wet our pants on command in three days or Zombie Osama will KILL US ALL and the terriers will win!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Flightless in America

Yay, the Senate goes home without re-authorizing the FAA.

Nice time to be a flightless waterfowl. If this shutdown of the FAA continues, you're *all* going to be flightless. Yeah, ATC is still gonna be up and running, and TSA is run by Homeland Security so isn't affected, but things like pilot certifications, aircraft worthiness tests, and so forth won't be happening. If you don't have your check ride and ticket from the FAA, you don't fly -- period. And that needs to be renewed *yearly*, so in a month or so a large number of airline pilots are suddenly not going to be rated to fly the jet they're flying -- and they won't be able to legally fly. And won't fly. And neither will you.

Just another gift from the Republican refusal to govern...

-- Badtux the Flightless Penguin

An anniversary

On June 17, 1971 President Richard Nixon declared the War On (Some) Drugs. Now, I've repeatedly pointed out some of the side effects -- the militarization of our police forces, the enrichment of drug gangs in other countries, the disenfranchisement of large swathes of minority America either through placing them in jail or through removing their right to vote after they get out of jail, and so forth. I've also pointed out that the War on (Some) Drugs has not ended drug abuse, indeed, there's as much drug abuse as ever. But let's get to the bottom line: Is the War on Drugs a success?

Now, you might wonder why I'm asking that question. Well, that's probably because you're one of the suckers who believes that the War on Drugs is -- or ever has been -- about drugs. But of course it isn't. It's never been about drugs. When Nixon declared the War on Drugs, he wasn't actually declaring war on drugs. He didn't give a shit how much pot people smoked or how much acid they dropped. He was a lizard person, remember. Lizard people don't view humans as people. They view humans as prey. Nixon could no more have cared about the horrors of drug abuse than a newt could care about the feelings of the fly he just snagged with his tongue and is in the process of eating. As a sociopath, he simply was biologically incapable of feeling anything for human beings.

So if the War on Drugs was never about the horrors of drug abuse... why, then? Okay, let me count the ways...

1. A strike against the counterculture. The counterculture had our lizard overlords scared shitless. You had all these young people who'd tuned in, turned on, dropped out, who were going out onto the land and growing their own food and shit, not buying, not consuming... how were the lizard people going to continue their project of farming humans for profit if the humans left the plantation and went off on their own? But see, the "back to nature" counterculture had a fatal flaw: even early 20th century subsistence farmers needed a "cash crop" to buy those things that could not be grown or made on the farm, things like farm implements, cloth, jars for canning food, and so forth. And given their origins, pharmaceuticals were a primo cash crop for the counterculture. So basically, the War on Drugs allowed the lizard people to destroy the counterculture, which was a direct threat to their plantation economy where humans are farmed for profit.
2. Put those uppity Negros in their place. It's not an accident that drugs that are most popular with minorities are also the drugs whose use or possession or sale results in the largest penalties. By giving the most onerous punishments to drugs primarily used by minorities, the War on (Some) Drugs accomplishes two things simultaneously -- it gets some scary darkies off the street (and, sister, *all* darkies are scary to tighty whitey bigot-Americans), and it disenfranchises these darkies so they won't be voting (they won't be votin' for sure while in jail, and mostly will be disqualified from voting after they get out of jail too). Can't let the darkies vote, why, they might vote for someone who, like, isn't a bigot! The horror, the horror! So by putting 25% of all black men into the criminal justice system, you give a wink and nod to poor white trash upset that now black people are as good as them under the law. And by removing the ability of these minorities to vote, you do more to preserve white power than all KKK covens combined.
3. Expand the paramilitary forces available to the lizard people. The lizard people don't understand why, but they do understand that their programs that result in large numbers of "surplus" humans dying of starvation, exposure, or lack of medical care are unpopular with the majority of human beings and can only be imposed by force. By providing huge sums of money and motivation for militarizing the police forces, the lizard people now no longer need to hire Pinkertons to deal with uppity humans who dare resist their program of human farming with methods other than whining and wringing of hands. Instead, they have a huge number of paramilitary policemen trained to believe that all "civilians" are The Enemy and whose notion of "serve and protect" is to serve and protect their lizard overlords, not the human beings who pay their salaries.

So is the War on (Some) Drugs a success? Why... yes! It's a *SMASHING* success! Why do you ask?

-- Badtux the Cynical Penguin

2nd Amendment solutions & paramilitary cops

One of the things that idiot NRA types are quick to say is that the 2nd Amendment was meant so that individuals could own guns that could be used as a check on the government if the government exceeded its powers and tried to impose tyranny. To put it bluntly: That's utter balderdash, based on myths and fantasies with no basis in reality.

The first fantasy, of course, is the fantasy that the U.S. War of Secession that bankrupted the English Crown was won by rag-tag militias armed with personal weapons. Uhm, no. As I've previously explained, the U.S. War of Secession against the English Crown was won by regular military. The weapons of the era meant that the majority of battles were won by bayonets, not by guns, and civilian weapons did not mount bayonets. So our founding fathers knew first-hand that it was not just guns that were necessary, but *military* guns, in the hands of well-trained people who knew how to organize and use them. Thus the militias part of the 2nd Amendment. Which was referring to state-organized and sponsored military organizations, not to a ragtag bunch of folks who grabbed their hunting weapons and ran out to take out tyrants. Our founding fathers would have laughed if you made such a statement -- they considered unorganized militias largely a joke, and even organized militias had proven to have little military value in actual combat compared to trained professional soldiers.

But that was then, you say, and this is now. Well... the U.S. Army and U.S. Air Force can easily take out any "militia" armed with personal weapons if said "militia" attempts to take them on as an organized force. And if said "militia" instead lurks in their individual homes waiting for the secret police to show up, in hopes of taking out the secret police... well. Ve haff ways of dealing with that. Current tactics already account for the possibility that the victim err 'perp' might want to kill cops. That's why the cops simultaneously smash flashbangs in through every single window and hit the door themselves only moments later. That's why we get all these dead bodies shot by paramilitary cops because the victim err perp heard someone moving around outside their house and grabbed a gun... the masked guys in black have already accounted for that.

Which just points out the pointlessness of the notion that "2nd Amendment Solutions" could work. The only thing that has *ever* worked in the face of paramilitary police forces is when the paramilitary police forces have deserted to the side of the people. But that possibility is being taken care of right now via the whole "war on everyone" mentality that has taken grip of our police forces, where everybody, even Granny stopped for running a stop sign, is a dirtbag out to kill cops, and treated accordingly, and cops who refuse to treat "civilians" as scum untermenschen are weeded out in a number of ways.

To summarize using JzB's favorite acronym: WASF.

- Badtux the Waddling Penguin

Do the rich create jobs?

That's an interesting question. If the rich use their assets in productive ways, such that they earn income at a rate similar to other income classes from said assets rather than just stuffing them under a mattress, of *course* they create jobs. But do they?

First, let's look at the distribution of wealth. According to a UCSC study, the top 1% owned 49.7% of all financial assets of America in 2007. So if they are generating actual economic output from those assets commensurate with their value, they should be making 49.7% of net income in America. Yet, they're not -- according to the last IRS numbers I have, they're earning only 21.20% of the income earned in America

SO let's summarize: The rich are LESS THAN HALF AS EFFICIENT AT CREATING JOBS AS EVERYBODY ELSE IN AMERICA! In short, they DESTROY jobs through their inefficiency and sloth, they don't CREATE jobs. If we taxed the rich to the point where they were no longer rich, this implies we'd create TWICE as many jobs as the rich currently create -- i.e., we'd employ every single American currently out of work, plus as many immigrants as we decide to give American citizenship, because the owners of that other 50.3% of America'a assets are generating almost 80% of America's income with only 50.3% of America's assets!

Now, I'm not proposing that we tax the rich for 100% of all income above a certain mark. But what I *AM* saying is that the fat and lazy bastards aren't using their wealth as efficiently to create jobs as the rest of us are, and I have no -- zero -- sympathy for their whining about how horrible it is that they're going to have to pay more taxes if the Bush tax cuts expire yada yada yada and how it's going to cost so many jobs. If the bastards were creating jobs, rather than just stuffing money under (virtual) mattresses, I'd feel more sympathy for them. But the numbers say they aren't -- they've accumulated half the net worth of America, yet earn less than 1/4th the net income of America because they're so inefficient at using that net worth? I call shenanigans on the notion that we'll lose jobs by redistributing some money from the rich to the rest of us, who are twice as efficient at creating jobs as the rich are!

-- Badtux the Numbers Penguin

Our lords and masters and tools

At the moment it appears that Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin(R-Teabag)has pretty much stepped into the hornet's nest. He's been governor of the state for less than two months now and the whole place is at a standstill -- statehouse circuses galore, and so forth. Further, he was caught sucking his master's Koch, not even recognizing his master's voice (to be fair, it's easy to fake having a cold or something as your excuse for not sounding the same as "your" last call). He has, in short, done a lot of very stupid things that have backfired badly on him and... why?

I'll tell you a secret, one that is well known amongst certain circles but not widely known outside them: The majority of our lords and masters, and the tools they accumulate to do their dirty work, are, to put it bluntly, not the sharpest tools in the toolshed. They've never had to be. They've never had to figure out how they were going to get their next meal -- they had their every need catered to from early on. They've never had to figure out how they were going to pay the rent because they spent the rent money fixing the car so they could go to work to pay the rent, because they've always had more money than they need for their every need or want.

In short, they're DUMB. There's exceptions, certainly -- generally the ones who came up from humble beginnings and did it all on their own -- but when you see people like David and Charles Koch who've never had to work a day in their lives because they inherited millions, you can pretty much bet that they're dumb. Not because they're genetically stupid -- but, rather, because they've never had any reason to exercise that gray matter, given that anything they could ever want is at their fingertips anytime they want it.

So what are they doing with this exercise in venality that is the Koch-funded Teabagger conquest of Wisconsin and other governor's offices? Well, simple. Being dumb doesn't make you good. They have lots. They want more. They want more just because. Because they can. Because they like it. Sometimes they might profess belief in some Libertarian philosophy that excuses their behavior, and claim "greed is good". But it's all an excuse, in the end -- an excuse for them to do what they would do anyhow, Libertarian philosophy or not, simply because that's their nature.

And let's not underestimate just how crafty they can be in this project. They aren't the brightest bulbs in the chandelier, but neither is a coyote, and a coyote can still manage to evade most traps that human beings put out for them. You don't have to be smart to be vicious -- just mean and crafty.

So if you want to hold out any hope for our country, it's the fact that our lords and masters and tools aren't very sharp. But then you realize that neither are most Americans, and...

-- Badtux the Too-smart Penguin

"Everything's fucked up, and no one goes to jail."

A depressing story about how the banksters are ripping us off -- and have paid off the government regulators who could send them to jail so that they can do it with impunity.

Sigh. WASF.

-- Badtux the Sorely-waddling Penguin

A modest proposal

Arizona wants to secede? Fine. All they need to do is reimburse us for (a) the amount of money spent buying Arizona from Mexico (adjusted for inflation, that's around $500 billion dollars), and (b) the amount of infrastructure in Arizona built with federal dollars (probably around $10 *TRILLION* dollars, including the various Federally-funded water projects that make Arizona habitable by more than a few cowboys huddled around isolated springs and wells). Then I'll be *happy* to see them secede.

What's that you say? They want to just steal our shit without paying for it? Fuck them, then. Fuck them good and hard up every orifice. 'Cause we paid for that shit, yo. These free-lunch-desirin' welfare whores can just bend over and take it good and hard if they expect to get away with taking our hard-earned property without paying for it, 'cause we got a word for that out here in the straight world: THEFT. And it's a crime, yo.

-- Badtux the "Repubs sure like stealin', don't they?" Penguin

Delta IV Heavy flies

The launch of a spy satellite on the only heavy launch vehicle the U.S. has left was successful today.

In case you're wondering what a Delta IV Heavy is, it's a regular Delta IV rocket with a bunch of strap-ons. This isn't a new concept, the Soyuz is basically the same thing, as was the Space Shuttle. But usually what strap-ons mean is that you didn't have the technology to build engines big enough to put the payload into space that you wanted to put into space. And the end result is what you expect from trying to scale up technology never built to haul heavy loads to orbit -- the Delta IV Heavy can carry 23,000kg to low-earth orbit. The Saturn V, by comparison, could carry 118,000kg to low-earth orbit.

But of course we can't build Saturn V's anymore. Instead we're reduced to building crappy-ass Soyuz clones with strap-on rockets. And so empires die, not with a whimper, but with a slow sizzle of collapsing capability until the final days when the barbarians walk across the border and the empire collapses without a fight...

-- Badtux the Industrial Penguin

My First Molestation

TSA recommends using child predator tactics to calm children at TSA checkpoints.

This penguin is speechless...

-- Badtux the Speechless Penguin

Even the punditry is noticing...

... that wealth distribution in the United States is looking disturbingly like a third-world banana republic rather than a democracy.

My response: Congratulations, America. You elected the evil sonofabitches to office who did this to you. Hope you're happy with your Republican kool-aid, because the cyanide it's taking down your throat is a bitch -- 30 years of Republican domination of American politics has produced stagnant incomes for regular Americans, while the merely rich became the really, really rich. And every single one of these bastards was voted into office by you, America -- not installed by some evil dictator or some shit, you voted for these assholes.

I have some more facts and figures that Kristof did not mention in his article, but I'll go over those later...

-- Badtux the Right (as in, correct) Penguin

So who are you going to believe?

Are you going to believe the reports of dozens of outraged women who say they have been inappropriately groped by male TSA employees at airport checkpoints? Or are you going to believe Mister Officer Friendly of the TSA, who says they're all liars? Gosh, our government would never lie to us, right? Right?!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Mexification Complete

U.S. now has wealth distribution typical of 3rd world banana republics. The Reagan Revolution is complete -- the wealth of America has now been transferred from the middle class to the top 1%, who now make 24% of the income -- and own 34% of the wealth. Meanwhile, the top 5% of Americans own more of America than the entire bottom 95% of Americans combined -- roughly 60% of America's wealth.

Congratulations, Republicans, for your successful Mexification of America. You took a country that had a thriving middle class and turned it into a nation where the vast majority of the middle class is groveling on their knees for trickle-down that looks an awful lot like the view from the bottom of a urinal. And you bastards in the former middle class.... SIIIIIiiiigh. You are too fucking stupid to even notice it, instead whining "thank you sir please give me more!" and voting for the same evil-ass politicians who butt-fucked you in the first place...

As for the Democrats -- I just got a letter from good ole' Barry Obama dated August 8 stating that the upcoming election is going to be critical to the future of America and please donate and please vote. I got that motherfucking letter *TODAY*, folks -- err, a week AFTER the election. Stupid-ass Democrats are fucking useless, the most inept buncha clowns to ever stumble drunk out of a clown car.

Siiiiigh.... we are so fucked, yo. So I guess I'll leave ya with a joke: Q: How is American beer like fucking in a canoe?

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A: It's fucking close to water.

That is all.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

WASF

The Misfit has the word. And it ain't happy happy fun time.

-- Badtux the Waddling Penguin

Next right-wing target: Public libraries

Fox News proposes eliminating Chicago's public libraries. Because libraries are socialism. As are police forces, fire departments, interstate highways, post offices, and all those other things that our founding fathers supported and, in some cases, wrote directly into the Constitution (like post offices and interstate highways, which they called "post roads").

OMG... that means our founding fathers were.... (gasp).... SOCIALISTS! But I forget, that's those stupid liberal FACT thingies from those notoriously liberal TEXTBOOKS or from the actual text of the Constitution. It wasn't said by Rush Limpdick or Glenn BatshitCrazy Beck, so clearly it can't be true... clearly those wiley lie-berals have tampered with the text of the Constitution that's in our textbooks!

Remember, boys and girls, if you aren't stupid and ignorant, if you dare darken the doors of one of them thare libary places and, like, learn them un-American fact thingies, why... you aren't a REAL American. Yessiree, ignorant is the only American way to be, you don't wanna be one of them, like, fact-spewin' EGGHEDS, do ya?!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Attention all thugs and bullies

Get your kicks by beating people with a baseball bat? Love shooting people as they lay on the ground restrained by your fellow thugs? But you're not willing to go to jail to get your woodies on? Don't despair! Join your local police force! Then you can beat anybody you want to beat, anytime you want to beat him, for as long as you want to beat him, and pay no price at all -- as long as you select an appropriate victim such as a mentally ill veteran. Feel like using a high-tech cattle prod to electrocute someone for hopping over a subway gate? Never fear, being a member of your local transit police lets you do that anytime you wish! Beating and cattle prodding people doesn't get your pecker hard enough? Want to actually kill people? Don't worry, as long as the person you kill is black and you practice saying "I thought he had a gun!" and crying on demand for long enough, you'll never see a day in jail.

So, all you thugs and bullies out there: Now you know how to be a thug and bully -- and get away with it! What a deal! For you. Not for the rest of us little people, but hey, we're just the sheep, to be culled by you at will, right? Right?!

-- Badtux the Sovok Penguin

The truth gives Republicans the vapors

Republicans are deliberately trying to sabotage the economy, states a Democratic Senator from Michigan after a Republican filibuster kills Federal aid to states plus kills unemployment benefits for 5.29 million of the 9.6 million Americans receiving employment benefits.

So, starting next week, millions of Americans will no longer have enough money to buy bread and water for their supper (because that's all the pitiful "unemployment benefits" offered here in the USA will buy), and states will have to fire 40% or more of their employees, adding yet *more* unemployed people to starve in the streets. And this is all according to plan, according to the leader of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, who publically has stated that the Republican plan is for Obama to fail.

And now the Republicans are having the vapors, the vapors I say, over Senator Debbie Stabenow's stating of what their very own leader said was the plan. So it goes... "hypocrisy" and "Republican" go together like "macaroni" and "cheese", yo!

- Badtux the Unsurprised Penguin

Only half of America is in recession

Care to guess which half? I'll give you a hint: Any questions?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin