Like, DUH!

When viewing lesbian sex and straight sex, both the homophobic and the non-homophobic men showed increased penis circumference. For gay male sex, however, only the homophobic men showed heightened penis arousal.

Heterosexual men with the most anti-gay attitudes, when asked, reported not being sexually aroused by gay male sex videos. But, their penises reported otherwise.

Homophobic men were the most sexually aroused by gay male sex acts.

As I've repeatedly said of Rick Santorum and his ilk, the only kind of people who obsess about gay sex are... well... GAY. Just sayin'.

In other news, studies find that racists dislike President Obama because he is black. Like, DUH?

-- Badtux the "Like duh, man!" Penguin

And speaking of dumbasses...

An Indiana state lawmaker claims that the Girl Scouts are an evil organization because they include a condom with every box of Girl Scout cookies. Or spend their meetings giving each other free abortions and herpes vaccinations. Or something. It doesn't really make sense, but it doesn't have to, if you're a Republican.

BTW, does that photo of Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris make your Gaydar ping the way it makes my Gaydar ping? Want to bet that he's an advocate of the conservative gay agenda -- bigger closets -- and that sooner or later someone will catch him with his very own Rentboy.com rentboy? Just sayin'...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

A Republican speaks out on gay marriage

Transcript:

You know I was married for 23 years to the love of my life, and he died six years ago. And I think of all the years we had, and the wonderful fringe benefit of having three beautiful children. I don’t miss the sex, you know? And to me that’s kind of what this boils down to. I don’t miss that. I mean, I certainly miss it, but I don’t, it’s not — (Laughter from chambers) — it is certainly not the aspect of that relationship, the incredible bond that I had with that human being, that I really, really, genuinely wish I still had. And so I think to myself, how can I deny anyone the right to have that incredible bond with another individual in life? To me, it seems almost cruel.

You know, years ago, my daughter went to, she was in elementary school. Many of you have met my daughter. She’s a fabulous girl. She’s wonderful. My boys are great too, but my daughter is just something special, and she was the light of her father’s eyes. And she went to school and there were some kids that were, a whole group of kids that were picking on another kid. And you know, my daughter stood up for that kid, even though it was not the popular thing to do. She knew it was the right thing to do. And I was never more proud of my kid, knowing that she was speaking against the vocal majority on behalf of the rights of the minority.

And to me, it is incumbent upon us as legislators in this state to do that. That is why we are here, and I shudder to think that if folks who had proceeded us in history did not do that, frankly I’m not sure I would be here as a woman. I’m not sure that others would be here due to their race, or their creed. And to me, that is what’s disconcerting.

And someone made the comment that this is not about equality. Well yes it is about equality. And why in the world would we not allow those equal rights for individuals who truly were committed to on another in life to be able to show that by way of a marriage?

You know, my daughter came out of the closet a couple of years ago. And you know what? I thought I was going to just agonize about that.

Nothing’s different. She’s still a fabulous human being, and she’s met a person that she loves very much. And someday, by God, I wanna throw a wedding for that kid. And I hope that’s exactly what I can do. I hope she will not feel like a second-class citizen involved in something called a ‘domestic partnership’ — which frankly sounds like a Merry Maids franchise to me.

-- Rep. Maureen Walsh, R-Washington

Puppets and H8

So, a federal appeals court has upheld the overturn of California's Proposition 8 ban on gay marriage. Are puppets getting gay married yet? Has every straight couple divorced and married their family dog? Wait, wait, I got it... here's the sum total of everything that happens if gay marriage is legal:

Or maybe U.S. infantry soldiers will don pink Crocs and dance, dance, dance the night away. Oh wait...

Alrighty, then!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Talking about praying the gay away...

... my gaydar bings loudly upon viewing the web site of this right-wing anti-gay minister who is calling for a boycott of Starbucks over their support for gay marriage. Especially when I view the videos, where he makes Mr. Rogers look manly with his stereotypically gay phrasings and mannerisms. At first I thought, "this can't be real, this has to be a parody of a right-wing closeted gay preacher". But based on my Google searches, he seems to really be what he is: A proponent of the conservative gay agenda. I.e., bigger closets.

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Reminiscing about Rudeness

When the Rude Pundit "came out" under his real name, I thought... "wait a minute! Don't I know him?" Well... sort of. He and my brother went to high school together as well as some college and were friends. The Rude One was into community theater with several of my brother's other friends (note that my brother had a number of gay friends in high school for some unknown reason, since my brother is decidedly *not* gay, his wife's howls of pleasure through the bedroom walls as he does his thing with her is proof enough of that I mean they sound like a porno in there when they're going at it, and luckily my brother doesn't know this blog exists so he can't kill me next time he sees me ;), and they hung out a lot in some places where I hung out too again for reasons I don't quite understand. Then one day he was gone -- gone to Houston with a gay hairdresser. He came back eventually, but that was around the time I moved away so I didn't see him after that.

So what was the Rude One like in high school? Well, he was fat. He was funny as hell. Pretty much all of us were pretty much sure at the time that he was gay, at least, he hung out with all the gay kids who were into drama and shit like that. Nobody really gave a shit 'cause he was funny as hell. And yeah, he was just as rude back then as he is today :).

So now The Rude One is a real drama queen, a drama professor in New Yawk City. Quite a long way from the bayous of Louisiana, that!

- Badtux the Reminiscing Penguin

A most fabulous jihad

Rick Santorum, R(Dog-on-Dog), complains that gay activists are conducting a most fabulous jihad against him. Poor little Ricardo, oppressed by those wicked, wicked gay people... you gotta watch out for those drag queens and leather boys, they got claws, yo. Case in point:

'Nuff said ;).

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Busy Agenda

That mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda has apparently been really busy lately. First, according to the anti-gay group National Organization for Marriage (NOM), The Gay Agenda caused the East Coast earthquake earlier this week. Whoa! That's really... really. I guess The Gay Agenda caused the earthquake by whipping out his Gay Gun of Gayness and really pounding his sidekick, Pink Triangle Man (see below):

So anyhow, earthquakes apparently never happened in NOM's universe back in the days when America discriminated against gays. (Erm... New Madrid. Just sayin'). So then Pat Robertson weighs in and says the cracks in the Washington Monument are a sign from God. Unlike, apparently, the damage to the National Cathedral, which is just an accident.

I am eagerly awaiting what these folks are going to say about Hurricane Irene coming ashore somewhere on the East Coast. Presumably that's going to be The Gay Agenda's fault too. Talk about one heckuva blow job!

-- Badtux the Rude Penguin

No duh

I've long held that most homophobes are closet gays. I mean, there's only one kind of person who obsesses about gay sex, and that person is, uhm, gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown, duh!

Now we have scientific proof. Homophobes are aroused by viewing videos of gay sex and non-homophobes aren't. Huh. Who coulda guessed? Well, except me and anybody else who's seen the long stream of Ted Haggards and George Rekers anti-gay activists who end up having to go to "gay rehab" 'cause they were caught in bed with a live boy. Heh.

-- Badtux the Unsurprised Penguin

Closets the size of fuckin' MANSIONS

Rep. Chris Lee, the "Craigslist Congressman" who abruptly resigned when it was discovered that he was soliciting sex over Craigslist, apparently liked dark meat with wiener schnitzel.

Now, we had wondered why Rep. Lee had resigned so quickly. I mean, a right-wing bible-thumpin' Christian Republican who turns out to prong prostitutes is no big deal, just ask Diaper Dave Vitter (R-La.) or Jimmy Swaggart (R-Loonytoons), both of whom survived their prostitution scandals. But I guess now we know the rest of the story -- Rep. Lee is so far deep in the closet that he can't come out even to himself, thus his attraction to trans-men, who at least look like women even if they're genetically male.

Now, some of you might wonder why I'm chortling so gleefully here. What's the matter with getting some wiener schnitzel action from trans hookers, you ask? Well, nothing, actually. But folks who use the "Christian moral values" schtick to interfere with gay American's rights then turn out to themselves be gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown simply make my snarky glee explode in a flurry of penguin feathers, that's all, yo.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

We must protect submariners from gays!

Granpa Walnuts successfully has protected submariners from the menace of hairdressers of mass destruction via filibustering the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, which might be better called the "Our Closets Are Deep And Full of Dresses Law". I mean, c'mon. Granpa Walnuts reproduced, Soylent Blond is proof of that, but it wouldn't be the first closeted gay dude to reproduce with his beard, yo.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Headlines you don't expect

Now *this* is a story from from World Nut Daily that I didn't expect to see:

Ann Coulter has been dropped as a keynote speaker for WND's "Taking America Back National Conference" next month because of her plan to address an event titled "HOMOCON" sponsored by the homosexual Republican group GOProud that promotes same-sex marriage and military service for open homosexuals.

Wow, the wingnuts really *are* into purity testing, eh, when even Ann Coulter isn't conservative enough for them? Pretty sure the only people pure enough to be a real conservative will all be able to fit into a Volkswagen Beetle...

-- Badtux the Wingnut-observin' Penguin

Pearl clutchers hyperventilate on Prop 8 overturn

So we got the usual pearl clutchers -- the magic undies bunch, the holy babbler bunch, and so forth -- hyperventilating over the fact that a Federal judge ruled that a state ban on gay marriage violated the Constitution. At which point, I gotta say, WTF?

Look. I don't give a shit whether your mate is black, white, male, or female. Whatever kinky shit you get up to in your private time is your business. Gay sex? I ain't gay, so WTF would I think about gay sex for?

Y'know, for some supposedly non-gay people, these folks sure do have an obsession about gay sex. I mean, they obsess more about it than the gay mayor of Gaytown. That's just, well, squicky. Look: Most normal straight folks, we don't go through every day thinking about gay sex. I mean, we got lives. We think about our families, we think about our jobs, we think about the grass needing mowing, but the only time we think about gay sex is when somebody brings it up in our presence, at which point our reaction is probably squick! (since gay sex ain't what moves our rod, if y'know what I mean), but once that moment's over, we ain't thinking about gay sex no more because, well, we aren't gay. So what does that say about the magic undies wearers and such who are doing such pearl-clutchin' about gay marriage and whinin' about how that mighty supervillain The Gay Agenda is gonna shoot everybody with his magic Gay Ray of Gayness and, like, make everybody gay? Dude. Gay. Just sayin'.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Intolerance

Dateline, Montgomery Alabama, 1954: How *DARE* those uppity negros protest our fine upstanding segregation laws! Y'know, these liberals preach tolerance, why can't they practice what they preach? Intolerance of our segregation laws by those uppity niggers is hypocrisy!

Dateline, New Hampsire, 2010: How *DARE* those uppity gays protest our fine upstanding laws discriminating against gays by prohibiting them from marrying each other? Y'know, those liberals preach tolerance, why can't they practice what they preach? Intolerance of our discrimination laws by those uppity faggots is hypocrisy! Because, of course, tolerance of bigotry and hatred against niggersfaggots is just the American way, and people who protest against it are intolerant!

Alrighty then, glad that folks preaching bigotry and hatred have edumacated me...

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

God Hates Lady Gaga

Yessiree, the brave folks at Westboro Baptist Church, fresh from saving us from the horrors of gay victims of hate crimes and dead soldiers fighting for a gay, gay America, turned out recently to save America from the horror of maybe-gay Lady Gaga. Luckily the Gaga lovingly told her "little monsters", "no violence, please." Otherwise the Westboro bunch woulda been smeared into paste on the pavement.

Next up: Westboro decides to picket a hardcore punk group. Somehow I doubt that would turn out quite the same way... :-).

-- Badtux the News Penguin

Texas GOP wants to outlaw finance industry

Texas GOP issues platform calling for banning of anal sex. Since the finance industry is currently engaged in ass-raping America for 41% of America's profits (as compared to an average 16% from 1973 to 1985), clearly the Republican platform is calling for outlawing the finance industry.

Or maybe not, since it's only a virtual ass raping. Hmm....

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

The Saga of George Allan Rekers continues

Rekers forced to resign from board of directors of group that claims to "cure" gays.

Rekers simply needs to come out and join the HRC. They need a good vigorous director, their current leadership is awful, having lost equal rights campaigns in both California and Maine recently (how the heck can you lose an equal rights campaign in *California*, for cryin' out loud?!). As an out gay, Rekers could make a difference. As a closeted gay, it seems clear that his life will continue going on a downward spiral.

Sadly, the chances of Rekers admitting that he's gay and doing something to redeem himself are about the same as the chances that cows will fly... but hey, I'll carry an umbrella anyhow, just in case I need to dodge falling cow pies, yo. It could happen, right?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

And just because... I'll repeat this video :)

The Ballad of George Alan Rekers

I couldn't resist...

This was a quicky with my Macbook's built-in camera and microphone, so the quality ain't there. But I had fun recording it :-).

Note that "The Lord" paid for George Rekers' European cruise. I wonder what people who donated money to Rekers in order to do "the Lord's work" think about all this? Probably still in denial, alas...

-- Badtux the Musical Penguin

More on "anti-gay" activists

There’s only one kind of person who obsesses about gay sex day and night, year after year. You can see a lot of them at this particular parade. Well, and look at a lineup of conservative "anti-gay" Republicans, same deal.

Let’s face it, normal straight people, if you describe a gay sexual act to them, might briefly shudder and say “ooh, squick!”, but they don’t obsess over gay sex day and night, nosirree, they go home and forget about it after an hour or two! But James Dobson, yessiree... all that stuff in his books about applying the paternal hands to the fine, firm young buttocks of young children, oh such firm round young buttocks, oh, oh, oh, oh.... err. Sorry. It's just soooo sexual, what the right Rev. Dobson suggests doing to "discipline" your children, much like the ads at the back of the New Times for those mistresses of discipline, ooooh. Discipline me, mistress, discipline me! Err, sorry, got off track again. Why is it that every time these tighty righties open their mouths about sex, I get these images in my mind? Back to James Dobson. Oooh boy. Dude has more kinks than the whole San Francisco Pride parade combined. What do you bet he's going to be the next dude found with his very own rent boy?!

Finally I leave you with the words of a former cop:

Dobson knows entirely too much about weird sex for me to want to be in the same elevator with him. The whole crowd is bunch of perverts. Normal people, AC or DC, don’t get that involved with studying the fringe of sexual practices. These people have a sick obsession and should be on the watch list. I wouldn’t let any of them walk my dog, much less babysit.

Because, presumably, the dog would be walking bow-legged if you let one of these dudes walk your dog... nevermind what happens if you let one of'em babysit your kid ;).

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

New rule: If you're an anti-homosexual activist...

... you're gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown. Bwahahaha! I love it. George Alan Rekers, a Baptist minister who wrote a book about how to raise your boy to be a manly boy instead of a gay boy (some sample advice: Force your child to excel athletics, and forbid him from arts and crafts, because otherwise he'll grow up to be gay), was caught with a boy toy on a cruise ship. Just an innocent encounter, right? Right?!

-- Badtux the Amused-by-hypocrisy Penguin