Sunday, March 01, 2009

President Charlie Crist?

Governor Charlie Crist of Florida has been tossed into the Republican Presidential sweepstakes by someone or another. Say the whisperers, "he's the only Republican who isn't talking batshit crazy right now, so of course he's a contender."

Excuse me. That's exactly why he is not a contender. The Republican Party right now is the party of the batshit crazies, like that crazy Indian-but-wants-to-be-Bobby-Brady demon-exorcisin' governor of Louisiana who turned away millions of dollars that would have helped his constituents because of some kinda ideological bullshit. A sane man has about the same chance of being the Republican Presidential candidate as a cow has of flying by flapping its ears. Ain't happenin'.

Besides, Good Time Charlie is gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown. Yeah, he's married to a young wife of the female type, but the wife is a recently acquired fashion accessory to quieten down the snickering behind his back. Ain't no way that the Republican base is gonna go for that. Or maybe I'm just misunderestimating the Republican base. They went for Rev. Ted Haggard, after all, who set off everybody's gaydar from the first time he appeared on television, but the Republican base defended him up to the time he was arrested for buying meth from his gay prostitute. Huh. Who knows. But one thing's for sure, he ain't gonna get the base to vote for him by talking sane, and without the base, you can't get the Republican nomination. The crazies have control of the Republican party right now (see all the screeching about "Obama is an anti-American socialist who must be deposed by a military coup or assassinated" from the Republican talk show screechers), and ain't nobody sane makin' it past that bunch, no way, no how.

-- Badtux the "Four Year Root Canal!" Penguin


  1. You speak the truth. I wonder what the non-batshit crazy Republicans plan to do, because right now it's not looking great for them.

  2. But the name "Crist" is just so close to "Christ," how could they not like him? Can't you see that campaign slogan, "If you vote against Crist,then you must hate Jesus!"

  3. I've disliked Charlie ever since he was Florida State Attorney General when I was living there whilst Jeb! the Bank Robber was governor. Charlie was too eager to dish out the death penalty, and he looked all plastic-creepy. I didn't know he was gay then -- I like him more for that, because it humanises him -- and it's surprising how many people don't. My daughter, who's in university now in Tampa and is politically tuned-in, was not aware of that fact until I told her from halfway around the world. Not that there's...

  4. Bukko, Crist is gay the way Larry Craig is gay, i.e., the "I am not gay!" kind of gay. Thus the recently acquired wife accessory, part of the "proof" that he isn't gay. Of course, he's gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown, Mustang Bobby has verified that Crist was well known in the gay community down there as a closeted gay who was into the whole Larry Craig kind of scene, but the point is that like Rev. Ted Haggard and Larry Craig, nobody is going to point it out to the unintelligencia until he's caught having sex with a gay prostitute while smoking crystal meth or somethin' like that. So (shrug) who knows. The unintelligencia might go for Crist. But Crist will have to start talkin' crazy and babbling in tongues and shit if that's what he wants.

    - Badtux the Snarky Penguin


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