Wednesday, October 10, 2007

A nation of pants wetters

Jillian at Sadly No!, noting a new service to put DHS terror alerts onto your cell phone (so that, presumably, you can wet your pants upon receiving one), asks, "when did the United States become a nation of pants wetters?".

My vote: 1865. The South had lost the American Civil War. Hoards of freed black slaves roamed the South and even started moving north. The tighty whities started wetting their pants left and right. Result: "Black codes", KKK, "nigger knocking" (the practice of police departments of going into black areas of town and randomly bashing any blacks they encountered over the heads with their batons), and white politicians running for office on a platform of "keeping the niggers in their place". Said white politicians told their tighty whitey constituents that blacks were savages, evil sexual monsters who wanted to rape their women and sneak into their homes in their sleep and slit their children's throats for kicks, but never fear, just elect George D'Artois as Public Safety Commissioner and he'd keep the niggers in their place(i.e. terrified and servile) even if it required riding a horse up the aisle of a black church and pistol-whipping the black preacher for the audacity of daring invite a civil rights leader to their fair city.

Nowdays "nigger knocking" isn't politically correct, so politicians need a new nigger to use to scare tighty whitey constituents into voting for them. Islamowhachamacallits is it. Beware the dusky-skinned savages who want to rape your women and sneak into your homes and slit your children's throats for kicks! And hey, because said darkies are over there, it's even easier to demonize them than it was to demonize black people, because there are few Arabs or Muslims in the United States to give the lie to the notion that all them darkies want to "destroy America" (presumably by swimming the Atlantic with knives in their teeth, sneaking into our bedrooms, and KILLING US ALL!!!!). Elect Bushevik Party members to power, or we all die! Remember, them sand niggers is all just savages, nevermind that they invented the wheel and civilization and all that, everybody knows that only Americans invent things!

So anyhow, 1865 is my vote for when America became a nation of pants wetters. What's yours?

-- Badtux the Pantsless Penguin


  1. 1865 is my vote for when the Southern peckerwood segment of America became a failed Confederacy of pantswetters.

    Near as I can tell, our whole America has not reached this point yet. Provided we still possess enough decency and common sense, it never will...

  2. The next phase, Involuntary Brown Stuff, is the unfortunate outpouring of "Conservative Amurrica" in this new millenium. Yes, I believe that the lust for total security is what has made Bush give bin Laden every thing he ever asked for. The terrorizing of the cowardly is just what he does for sport, or for politics. The good ol' color chart hasn't been invoked since the last time the cowardly were due at the polls.


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