We would like to apologise for a terrible omission in last Sunday’s feature 10 Steps to a Stress-Free Summer. We forgot to include “Don’t go to the USA”.Seems that they have a slight, uhm, problem, with the Iron Curtain that is being thrown up at the borders of Soviet America:
“Travelling to the US offers experiences like nowhere else on earth.” That’s what it says at discoveramerica.com, the official travel and tourism website of the United States, and it’s absolutely right. Nowhere else can a visitor expect such a spirit-crushingly frosty reception.Oh come on. It's not that bad. If you haven't done anything, you have nothing to fear. Well, except the rectal exam, but those Euro-weenies ought to *pay* for that joyous experience, ought to just grin with glee when some smirking goon snaps that rubber glove on his hand and starts packin' fudge. You'd think those Yurpeens never heard of "fisting" or somethin, imagine that!A preflight e-interrogation, epic queues at immigration, thin-lipped questioning from aggressive border guards, and an outside chance of a rubber-gloved rectal rummage are all part of the fun. So, if Chertoff and co want to tighten Fortress America further, it’s time we considered other more welcoming holiday options. Such as Iran or North Korea.
-- Badtux the Snarky Travel Penguin
Oh dear me, did I just imply that our brave boys of the Department of Homeland Security so bravely defending us from that most heinous of villains, the (gasp) YURPEEN TOURIST, might be (gasp) into, like, S&M and bondage and stuff? No no, didn't mean to imply nothing of the sort, officer!
ReplyDeleteI've been a very naughty penguin...
- Badtux the Winkin' Penguin