Friday, November 30, 2007

Florida fun police go after motorcyclists

A state representative in Florida has an idea:

South Florida has a motorcycle problem, and lawmakers are introducing legislation to show bikers that they'll go a long way to punish those who break the rules. Stunt riding (including wheelies), excessive speeding, and concealable license plates will get you a 10 year ban on your motorcycle license, mandatory jail time, and an impounded bike. If the punishment sounds like the medieval practice of cutting off the hand of a man for stealing, that's exactly how State Representative Carlos Lopez-Cantera wants it.
In my opinion, this does not go far enough at removing hazards from the road, though. So I submit these suggestions for Rep. Lopez-Cantera's consideration:
  1. All drivers going 50mph in the fast lane should immediately have their license destroyed on the spot, car confiscated and be given one of those electric mobility scooters as their form of transportation, since it is obvious that they are no longer capable of driving a car.
  2. Drivers talking on the cell phone while driving should not only get a one month prison term and $5,000 fine and have their car confiscated, but they should have their mouth stitched up so that they must eat through a tube in their nose for the next ten years. That'll teach'em not to talk so much!
  3. Changing lanes without signalling: Since your turn signals obviously do not work, the cop who stops you is required to smashe them in with his sledgehammer, rip the turn signal stalk off the steering wheel, and call a tow truck to have your car hauled to where its turn signals can be repaired. You are then not allowed to drive without a DMV employee in the car and are required to make left and right lane changes 1,000 times properly using your turn signal each time prior to being allowed to drive unattended again and must pay the full salary of the state employee who supervises this. Each time you improperly signal during this process you will be tasered on your crotch just to remind you what you're supposed to do with that "turn signal" thingy.
  4. Driving down the road for more than a mile with your blinkers on: Your cell phone, radio, and any other noise-making gadgetry in your car is smashed with a hammer, and you are then required to change lanes 1,000 times properly using then cancelling the turn signal for each lane change before you are allowed to drive unattended again. A hearing exam is also mandatory.
  5. Stopping at the top of a freeway ramp: Since obviously your accelerator and steering mechanisms do not work, your car is immediately towed to a wrecker yard and smashed to be 6 inches high as a menace to the driving public. You are then banned from driving anything other than one of those electric mobility scooters since obviously you are incapable of properly maintaining and driving an automobile and obviously will never be capable of doing so
I am sure that this modest proposal will meet with the approval of all. Yessiree, Rep. Lopez-Cantera be da man! Just the man we need to deal with all the menaces to the driving public, whether on two wheels or four, doncha think?!

-- Badtux the Motorcyclin' Penguin


  1. #2 - Using a cell phone is more dangerous the drunk driving, and now people are texting and driving.

    The people caught texting while driving should have their cell phone , text pager, and driving privileges revoked for life. Those people are too stupid to be let out on the roads.

  2. I definitely agree with the Cell phone thing. It's illegal in my state to use a cellphone while driving without a hands-free option. Unfortunately, I still see these people all over the place.

    I've also noted a correllation between folks with Bush-Cheney stickers on their cars and driving without signalling or other unpredictable and bad drving. This no longer surprises me.

  3. Stunt riding (including wheelies), excessive speeding, and concealable license plates will get you a 10 year ban on your motorcycle license

    and this is rearing its ugly head on the day that Evel Knievel died. Go figure.


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