A wonderful opportunity

We should just re-post Jonathan Schwartz's damning indictment of the so-called "leaders" of the hairless monkeys that infest this planet on every anniversary of 9/11. He said all that needed to be said. You might think that the following photo, of a now-orphaned girl who just had her family slaughtered before her very eyes by U.S. soldiers jumpy about suicide bombers, as a tragedy: But that is because you are a follower, not a leader. You are the ruled, not the ruler. To the deranged sociopaths who are the rulers of the hairless monkeys infesting this planet, this is an enormous opportunity. The money quote:

For normal people, it's an unmitigated tragedy when their fellow citizens are killed in terrorist attacks or wars. Normal people cry, become afraid, and think of children who now have no parents and parents who now have no children.

For our would-be "leaders," however—in every country—the situation is different. Of course, they pretend to feel the same as normal people. They give teary-eyed speeches about sorrow and suffering.

And yet, behind their tears, there seems to be something else. When they think no one is looking, you glimpse another expression flitting across their face. You think it couldn't be. But—yes, incredibly enough, they're smiling. Because before the bodies are cold, before the mothers have stopped shrieking, our leaders are thinking:

This is really a FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY. And for them it is. It's an opportunity for them to do whatever they wanted to do before, but couldn't get away with. It's an opportunity for them to smear anyone who criticizes them as disloyal. It's an opportunity for them to become much more powerful than they ever could be in peacetime. Leaders love war. That's why there's so much of it.

Will the sheeple look up? Probably not. They never have before, after all. It is the very nature of a monkey to blindly follow its alpha male and hoot and howl and throw feces at monkeys from other troops of monkeys. Expecting more of the hairless monkeys called "humans" is futile. Sadly, a penguin in a time of chimpanzees is doomed to disappointment.

- Badtux the un-snarky Penguin

That "Law" stuff only applies to the little people

Google founders fly out of Moffet Air Force Base. The base is currently leased to NASA, but it is still illegal to use it for private jets. It's called "misappropriation of Federal property". And no amount of wink wink nudge nudge "it's being used for RESEARCH purposes!" is going to change that.

But hey, that "law" stuff only applies to the little people. Or to pesky black preacher men asking inconvenient questions. It doesn't apply to, like, the people who really rule America, i.e. the handful of billionaires who control over half the wealth of America. Alrighty, then!

Badtux the "I like cake" Penguin

Holy crap, these gals are TOUGH

A big flap of her scalp got knocked off by an opposing player. So what did World Cup Soccer player Abby Wambach do? Well, the obvious, of course. She ran to the locker room, got her scalp stitched back together, and ran back into the game.

Anybody who calls soccer a "wuss sport" better not do so in the presence of Abby Wambach.

-- Badtux the Admiring Penguin

Godless heathen

I always suspected that of my readership. And now I have proof. May the Great Penguin strike you all down with rains of herring! And I'm sure He will bring me my pony any time now.

I have just one question: Can one penguin belong to two churches at the same time? Because while Tuxology has obvious attractions for a penguin (that whole Ice Cathedral thing and the whole thing where the Great Penguin created us penguins in His own image), the Church of the Holy Brewery promises earthly rewards, all for the small donation of five dollars to the bartender at your neighborhood church in exchange for a mug of the Holy Brew. I'd love to belong to both churches at the same time if possible, both for the earthly rewards and the promise of an eternity of rest and pleasure in the Great Iceberg Floe In The Sky (with infinite herring!) after death, but if you can only belong to one religion... hmm. Hard choice!

-- Badtux the Religious Penguin

The very picture of the modern conservative

Roy over at Aliculablog makes a funny. Says he of conservatives, In a real marketplace of ideas, the idea of national health care would provoke not waves of bluster, but a serious counterproposal. Maybe if we sweat 'em a bit more, we'll get it.

Silly boy. Modern conservatism isn't about solving problems. Modern conservatism isn't about providing solutions. Modern conservatism is all about "let them eat cake" -- an imperious declaration from upon the throne that there is no place for any collective action on the part of citizens to defend themselves against those who would take advantage of them, or to provide services for themselves that the free market for whatever reason will not or cannot provide in a timely and cost-effective manner. To the modern conservative, the only "problem" is laziness, and the only "solution" is "let them die if they can't make a living on what we pay them as our servants."

The notion of government of the people, by the people, for the people -- the notion that people can get together to defend themselves against those who would harm them -- is derided as "socialism" by modern conservatives. The notion of government services -- other than those services which the modern conservative uses (specifically the police and courts, which the modern conservative uses as his private militia to squash dissent and insure that objections to his rule are beat down violently) -- is similarly derided as "socialist". As for the health care crisis, the modern conservative's answer is to... uhm... do nothing. "Let them die." And if the people object to being told to die, well, let them go to the emergency room.

"Let them eat cake", indeed... and the odd thing is, the majority of the American people, rather than rioting in the streets when told this, just grimly say "there is nothing to be done" and go about their business of being killed by their "betters". What was I saying about, "I have seen the enemy and he is us"?

-- Badtux the Conservative-observing Penguin
(uhm, yeah, I do need eyewash after that, especially with all the closeted gay tearoom queens in the Republican Party nowdays).

Never forget

When the towers were burning... when the country cried out for leadership... George W. Bush did not jump into action and get on his phone to the CIA, FBI, NSA, etc. to find out what was going on and direct the response. Instead, he sat and stared into the distance, waiting for his handlers to tell him what to do. Not for one minute. Or two minutes. Or three minutes. Or even four minutes. For *SEVEN* minutes, that we have on tape (maybe more that wasn't on tape). What a brave war hero Dear Leader is...

Meanwhile, Osama bin Laden, mass murderer of over 2,000 Americans, is still free. What a miserable failure this "man" is...

-- Badtux the Memory Penguin

The more things change...

A little over 40 years ago today, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. was scheduled to preach at a small black church in Shreveport, Louisiana. As the Rev. Harry Blake revved up the congregation from the pulpit, suddenly the front doors of the church were burst open by a battering ram and Shreveport police officers marched in and started whipping the congregation with their batons as police dogs snarled. Black men and women in their Sunday best climbed over each other to get away from the whipping batons and snarling teeth. The Rev. Blake thundered from the pulpit, "How dare you defile a house of God! Are you servants of Satan?" At that point Public Safety Commissioner George D'Artois, a Mafioso who had been elected year after year to "keep the niggers down", rode his white horse up the aisle of that church and directed two of his officers to pistol-whip the Rev. Blake. They did so, within an inch of his life, inflicting permanent injuries that would be with him for the rest of his life. D'Artois then turned to the congregation and announced, "There ain't gonna be no meeting with no commie nigger outside agitator in my city. Go home."

People ask me if I'm afraid of Osama bin Laden. No. Osama is a two-bit dipshit hiding in a cave in Pakistan. He got lucky once, but won't get lucky again now that Americans know what he's up to. Misters Smith and Wesson will make sure of that, if any of his minions show up on this shore they are toast. What I am afraid of is a militarized police force which views the population that supposedly hires them as "the enemy", which will happily beat down a black pastor in the pulpit of his church or in the halls of Congress until it takes an ambulance to haul him off, which would happily enforce martial law against "terrorists" if so ordered by their superiors. What I am afraid of is a "free" press which proudly proclaims "Negro riot broken up by Shreveport City Police!" or "Black preacher assaults police officer!" (yeah, he assaulted the belly of the police officer with his broken leg when the police officer jumped on it, yssiree"). What I am afraid of is a population that, by and large, really doesn't care about whether they live in a democracy or in a fascist dictatorship as long as they can continue to go shopping. What I am afraid of, in other words, are the enemies of democracy who are already here and have been here for as long as I've been alive, not some dipshit in Pakistan who would get shot dead if he ever dared set foot on American soil. I have met the real enemy of America, and it is us.

-- Badtux the History Penguin

General Pet Rayus's Report

Bush's Pet gives us pretty much the same report that sane conservative John Cole predicted. Seems that he wants a F.U. to continue the manly surging. It is unknown whether Joe Lieberman has recovered yet from his faint at the sight of the manly surge in General Pet Rayus's pants.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

A culture of violence

A 12-year-old boy was rushed to Eden Medical Center with non-life threatening injuries after he was shot in front of a Hayward taqueria early Friday evening, police said Saturday. At around 5:45 p.m., officers responded to reports of gunshots in front of Costa Azul Taqueria at 194 Harder Road, according to Hayward police Lt. Mark Mosier. Mosier said officers found the boy suffering from at least one gunshot wound. The victim was rushed to Eden Medical Center where he is in serious but stable condition, according to Mosier. With the aid of witnesses, who described the suspect's car as a red Cadillac, police were able to track down and arrest the suspect. The 19-year-old Hayward man was located in his automobile at Soto Road and Jackson Street and was taken into custody on charges of assault with a deadly weapon.

-- San Jose Mercury

After nightfall on Jan. 13, 2006, an unmanned Predator aircraft guided by the CIA fired missiles at two houses in the northwestern Pakistani village of Damadola, a few miles from the Afghan border. The target was a dinner celebrating the Muslim holiday of Eid al-Adha. CIA officials had received intelligence that Ayman al-Zawahiri, al-Qaida's deputy leader, had been invited to attend. The missiles destroyed the houses and killed more than a dozen people. Zawahiri was not among them, but Pakistani officials soon said the fatalities included several other high-ranking al-Qaida leaders. U.S. and Pakistani officials now say that none of those al-Qaida leaders perished in the strike and that only local villagers were killed.

-- Washington Post

There are criminals who have no respect for human life, who will gladly kill innocent bystanders if it allows them to "take out" their rival. Sadly, the only difference between the 19 year old criminal in Hayward and the 60 year old criminal in Washington D.C. is that the 60 year old criminal has missiles rather than a pistol and thus kills far more innocent bystanders while trying to take out his rivals. Well, that and the fact that the 19 year old criminal is now in jail, while the 60 year old criminal is going to die a free man having never seen the insides of a jail cell because of the 29% of Americans who have no problem at all with gangsta thug violence as long as it's directed against brown people.

-- Badtux the Criminal-observing Penguin

Slight reminder for Mencken and Fang

Guys, both of you simply WILL NOT FIT on my lap. Maybe if you were little itty bitty 6 pound kitties, but at 16 and 18 pounds apiece, even *one* of you really doesn't fit. So quit trying to both get up there, please?!

-- Badtux the Crushed Penguin

California Burning

The Silicon Valley is hazed in smoke today, as the Lick Fire burns out tens of thousands of acres of the Sierra Diablo, including some of my favorite hiking haunts. The only good news there is that fire is a normal part of the rejuvenation process of those hills. According to people with hunting camps back in those hills who've seen the results of earlier fires in the area, when the spring rains are done, these hills will be covered with grass and be nicely green again, and the wildlife will return better than ever because of all the new forage. In the meantime, my eyes are burning, my nose is itching, and it's just a miserable day outside. I'd get you a photo, but my camera doesn't seem able to take a good one of the haze. It just looks like typical distance fog. But believe me, it isn't.

-- Badtux the California Penguin

Arizona wildlife

One of the things I miss about Arizona is the very attractive wildlife jogging up and down Piestewa Peak (was Squaw Peak back then). Yum!

-- Badtux the Nasty Penguin

Doh!

So Dear Leader doesn't know what country he's in, doesn't know what summit he's at, and tries to get out a locked door again. And is dead set on attacking Iran.

We are sooo fucked. (And by "we" I mean the world at large too). In every orifice fucked. More fucked than a tearoom queen Republican Congressman sharing a jail cell with a big hairy brute named "Bubba". The kind of fucked that everybody is gonna be remembering -- and paying for -- for decades. I hope America feels good about electing this dumbass to office not once, but twice. And save the crap about Florida and Ohio, if the majority of Americans actually had given a shit who got elected no amount of tomfoolery could have elected Dear Leader, add up the stay-at-homes with those who voted against him and Dear Leader would have been retired to his pig farm in Crawford back in 2000.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

¡Hola Mexico!

I've been taking road trips in my Jeep lately. Now, some of you might know that one requirement for going 4-wheeling with other Jeepers is a CB radio so that you can communicate with the group leader and vice-versa. So I have one of those things. Occasionally I even turn it on. Mine has a scanner function. I discovered an interesting thing when going down I-5: Truckers no longer use channel 19.

So what do truckers use, you say? Well, the Mexican truck drivers use channel 7 and speak entirely in Spanish. The Cracker truck drivers use channel 17 and speak entirely in English. And if they spot each other at a truck stop, they mostly glare at each other, they certainly don't talk to each other.

Now, I don't know whether this is a California thing or what. It's just that World Nut Daily reminded me that today is the day that trucks from Mexico are allowed onto U.S. roads. Will that make a difference? Given what I hear on the CB, no. The American-born truckers feel under siege from illegal truckers pushing down their wages in the first place, and this is going to be just another stab in the back as far as they're concerned. And meantime, our rulers chortle -- their divide and conquer policies, whereby they set one group of their subjects against another group of their subjects, are working! Their cracker subjects, rather than being angry with their rulers, are going to go after another group of victims rather than storm the castles of this land and rip out our rulers' throats! It all works out quite well for our rulers, doncha think?!

-- Badtux the Observant Penguin

The housing meltdown

U.S. economy to grow at a slower rate than the "socialist" European countries this year, the OECD says. The primary culprit: the meltdown of the housing industry.

Now, the primary problem there is that folks took on adjustable-rate mortgages that they were promised could be refinanced when the interest rate reset took place, but now they can't re-finance because their incomes did not rise as fast as they had hoped. And of course we know why their incomes didn't rise -- the Republicans specifically took action to prevent their income from rising. Whether we're talking about their refusal to raise the minimum wage (the effect of a minimum wage hike is wealth transferral from folks with six+ figure salaries -- like me -- to folks with five-figure yearly incomes, as the wage hike bumps up through the ranks and us wealthier folks pay more for our burgers and car washes), or their deliberate refusal to consider any realistic scheme for securing the Southern border (while some level of immigration is desirable, immigration to the point where it depresses wages for U.S. citizens is *not* desirable and now that Mexicans have largely displaced Americans in the lucrative building industries wages for blue-collar Americans have plummetted to their lowest in recent memory), to tax policies that encourage outsourcing by taxing companies less if they outsource, the game has been rigged all the way to make the rich richer and everybody else poorer.

So, what's the best way to eliminate the housing meltdown? Well, that's simple: Higher wages for the people who took out these loans, and lower interest rates on the loans themselves. On the interest rate front, Countrywide and its ilk are just going to have to realize that if they adjust the interest rate of an ARM from 4.5% to 12.5%, people are going to default, period. If they cannot make a profit at a more reasonable interest rate, fine. Close these outfits down, and sell the loans to people who can make a profit at a reasonable interest rate, maybe we can create a quasi-governmental "corporation" funded by a large bundle of cash from the Federal Reserve. Maybe we could call it something like "FNMA". Oh wait, sorry, there already is such a quasi-governmental "corporation", my bad!

On the higher wages front, there's an easy way to immediately almost double the income of most people making under $60K/year: Raise the minimum wage to $20 an hour. Someone working full-time 40 hours a week is then guaranteed $40k/year in salary, more than enough to pay off the bad loan he took out. The tighty righties then start screaming, "it'll cause unemployment!". Bullshit. Restaurants and etc. already have as few employees as they get away with. They're not charities, they're businesses. They won't lay off Jose' the Busboy if they have to pay him $20 an hour rather than $10 an hour. The tables won't bus themselves, after all. They'll gulp, pay him the money, and raise their prices -- prices paid primarily by folks who make a lot more money than Jose' and will dislike the cost of their dinner entre' going up from $7.95 to $16.95 in order to pay Jose's wage, but look. Folks like me can afford it, and reality is that if the price of a Double-Double at In'n'Out doubles, I'll still buy just as many Double-Doubles. The results of the price of gas doubling over the past few years ought to be instructive there. Price of gas doubled, gas consumption remained pretty much constant, because even doubled, people still want it and can afford it. And hey, Jose' himself, now that his income has doubled, will be able to afford the doubled prices even more because while his income doubled his mortgage did not!

Combine this with a reasonable amnesty program for workers we need combined with real employment verification to eliminate the current practice of firing American workers in order to hire illegals who can be worked as slaves because they're scared to report poor working conditions (including closing the all-important "contractor gap" -- if you employ "contract" employees from a labor contractor, you're required to independently validate employment verification for each employee the labor contractor supplies immediately via a real-time system), and we're talking about a significant transfer of wealth from the upper classes to the lower classes *without* government involvement in the actual transfer of wealth (other than investigating and enforcing worker complaints regarding wage law violations). And while some might argue that this sort of inflation is "bad", well, it's the same deal as always for inflation. Inflation is bad for the haves, and good for the have-nots. Inflation means that the assets that the haves have are declining in value, while allowing the have-nots to pay off their loans with cheaper money. The problem is not inflation, the problem is inflation which is not stable and predictable. Given that our current problem if we don't suddenly boost the incomes of these people so they can pay off their loans is going to be the collapse of the home lending system and staggering levels of DE-flation, basically this inflation of the cost of lower-priced services would simply be to fend off that deflation.

Of course will any of this happen? Well, of course not. Because the above is economics as it actually works, i.e. reality-based economics. And the ideologues who currently run our country, like Communist commissars of the Soviet era, don't care about reality. They care only about whether proposed solutions are "ideologically correct". And the notion that "screw the poor" is not sound national policy simply does not comport with their Little Green Book that they live by (the Maoists have their Little Red Book, the Busheviks have their Little Green Book, generally located in their wallet and heavily illustrated with pictures of dead Presidents).

-- Badtux the Economics Penguin

So what's with that Iraqi army, anyhow?

Sane conservative John Cole has the goods -- and the snark:

A quick summary of the facts tells us that the Iraqi military is broken, the police force is even worse, we have ceded the south to the Shi’ites, Anbar province is under the control of the Ba’athists, our military is stretched to the breaking point, corruption is the norm, there is a cholera epidemic, high levels of violence against the civilian population, we can not provide basic services (like, for example, electricity or water), and the national government is squabbling (when not on vacation) and led incompetently by a man Bush thinks is under his tutelage (that alone should scare the hell out of you).

The sole force doing well in Iraq are the American contractors.

Personally, I blame the liberal media, and clearly it is time to bomb Iran.

Over the past two years, we've managed to train approximately 10 Iraqi brigades to the point they can operate independently. There are approximately 100 brigades in the Iraqi Army. At that rate, we'll be in Iraq for another 20 years and another 30,000 American soldiers dead and another 300,000 American soldiers permanently disabled. Except it won't get to that point, because the $150 billion per year cost of the war will have bankrupted the nation by then.

But hey, that's facts, and Dear Leader's sycophantic worshippers do not need facts, because they have faith, FAITH I say, in their Lord and Savior George W. Bush and His holy annointed Administration. Alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

The Church of the Holy Brewery

Well, folks, Tuxology has not taken off the way I'd hoped. Let's face it, most folks just aren't interested in a religion where the afterlife consists of sitting on an iceberg eating raw herring. I mean, that sounds like a great afterlife to me, but I'm a penguin. And the Great Penguin, as a deity, doesn't kick a whole lot of butt. Hell, He doesn't kick anything at all, He mostly sleeps and eats herring, eats herring and sleeps. His pleasing rotundity just doesn't seem to interest most folks.

But never fear, I have a sure-fired bet for a new religion. As I pointed out in a prior post, the most successful religions around are basically glorified cargo cults. They're based all on promising people riches in the afterlife -- i.e., Heaven. The only difference between being a member of the Assemblies of God and a member of a South Pacific cargo cult is that the South Pacific islanders have actually seen the riches that their God provides, while the members of the Assemblies of God gullibly simply believe ("faith") that there's riches waiting for them once they kick this mortal coil.

Given that virtually all modern religion is a cargo cult based not upon the desire to formulate a moral framework for living but, rather, getting rewards from the Gods, a religion which is blatant and outright about it and can actually offer you the rewards while you're still alive on this Earth surely will prosper. I mean, c'mon. When you've croaked, checked out, breathed the last, expired, or otherwise kicked this mortal coil, what happens may be a matter of argument (thus far nobody has come back to tell us, after all), but a beer in hand now... why, everybody knows what that tastes like. Thus the Church of the Holy Brewery. Other religions promise heaven after you kick the bucket. But the Church of the Holy Brewery promises heaven on Earth. Or at least a good brew, which is more than any other religion promises. And all for a meagre $5 donation to the barmaid or barman at your local microbrewery -- what a deal!

--Pope Badtux the Brewerist Penguin

Gay Old Pervert un-resigns (maybe)

Yessiree, our favorite gayer-than-the-gay-mayor-of-gaytown confused tearoom queen, fresh from announcing that he was resigning in order to find the real gay pervert (sort of like Al Sharpton holding a press conference to announce that he is not black and he is resigning in order to find a real black man to run his charities), has decided to un-resign. Maybe. Sorta. Kinda. There's this WEEE problem with Senator Larry Craig's "wide stance" guilty plea that he's gotta figure out how to un-plea. Well, maybe not a WEEE problem, since that wasn't what he was doing in that bathroom, but so it goes.

So pull up a chair and get out the popcorn, 'cause this show seems to still have an episode or two left to go before network cancellation. Yessiree, Republican hypocrisy. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

-- Badtux the Not-wide-stanced Penguin

I want a pony!

So a Christian fundamentalist asks me, puzzled about the fact that Unitarians and Quakers and similar religions take no position on whether there is a heaven or hell, "why belong to a religion if it doesn't promise you heaven?"

Apparently, many people believe that the only reason to belong to a religion is not because it is a moral framework for behavior, but because you'll get lots of goodies if you belong, and any religion that doesn't promise you goodies for belonging is bogus. If they don't promise you Heaven, why go to church?

Ohhhkay.... I think I can dig where they're coming from. But I'm more practical than them. I don't want something after I die. I want something now. I want a pony! If a religion doesn't promise me a pony, why should I join?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Nothing new

Let's see, batshit-crazy neo-cons want to "destroy" Iran's military with a few thousand airstrikes? Yeah, like that worked so well for the Israelis when they tried to destroy Hizballah. Didn't work so well when we tried to destroy Serbia's military that way either, the Serbs happily sent out decoy convoys of confiscated Kosovar vehicles to be blasted by our jets, they didn't withdraw from Kosovo until our jets started blowing up their bridges and power plants. So now Dear Leader thinks he can do better than Bill Clinton, just as five years ago he thought he could do better than his Daddy? Madness.

And Dear Leader poses with soldiers in Iraq to boost his polling numbers? Hmm, dunno where we've seen that before. Oh yeah, TURKEE!

And a Gay Old Pervert resigns from Congress? Seems to have been a lot of that.

Oh well. At least the cats are settling back in. They were a bit upset that I left them alone for three days, but they'll get over it.

-- Badtux the Cat-owned Penguin