Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Updated terms of service

New Terms of Use for Badtux: In light of the verdict in the Lori Drew case, I have decided to promulgate new Terms of Use for Badtux. You are only permitted to visit Badtux if you are in compliance with the Terms of Use. Any accessing Badtux in a way that violates these terms is unauthorized, and according to the Justice Department is a federal crime that can lead to your arrest and imprisonment for up to one year for every visit to the blog.

By visiting this blog, you promise that:

  • You will not post comments that are abusive, profane, or irrelevant. Civil and relevant comments only, as indicated by our comment policy.
  • You have not shopped at Wal-Mart within the past twelve months. We are an American blog for Americans, and we don't patronize stores full of cheap Chinese cr*p that drive American jobs overseas.
  • Your middle name is not "James." I've always thought James was a funny name, and even odder as a middle name. No one with the middle name "James" is welcome here.
  • You're super nice. We have strict civility rules here, and this blog is only for people who are super nice. If you are not super nice, as judged by me, your visit to this blog is unauthorized.
  • You have never visited Alaska. Okay, this one is totally arbitrary, but it's our blog and we can keep out who we want. Alaska visitors are out, too.
  • You have never had a blog.
  • You have had a blog.
If you post an abusive comment; you have shopped at Wal-Mart; your middle name is James; you're not super nice, as judged by me; you have a blog, or you do not have a blog, or you have visited Alaska, I have kinda bad news for you: You are a criminal, as you have just violated 18 U.S.C. 1030(a)(2)(C) by accessing Badtux's service without authorization or in excess of authorization. You are only authorized to visit the blog in compliance with the Terms of Use, and by violating these terms you have become a criminal by essentially "hacking in" to Badtux.

-- Badtux the Tongue-in-Cheek Legal Penguin

Note for the irony-impaired: It's a joke making fun of the deranged nonsense that is our current legal system. Duh.


  1. Shit, so much for that then.
    I guess asking to get on the Blogroll is out of the question.
    Say goodbye to TMF for me.

  2. Dude. See the tag line. It's irreverant silliness making fun of idiots who pass laws that make everybody a criminal.

    - Badtux the Silly Penguin

  3. My bad, I forgot this;

  4. The Lori Drew case was as inkily opaque as they get. A teenaged girl took her own life in part because the messages from Drew reinforced her own negative self-image. The old adage "You can lead a pig to water, but you can't make it drink" is fine, unless the pig is unstable and so the water is an inviting form of suicide.

    Tux m'lad, being the King Penguin of Snarkiness that you are, I suspect you don't have much compassion for a suicidal teenager. That's unfortunate. I like you, and so I hope that you never have to walk that particularly evil valley of shadow known as depression. It is the darkest, most despair-filled road imaginable.

  5. "Compassion" is not what law is supposed to be about, Minerva. And abusing/misreading the law in a way that makes everybody who reads this blog into a criminal is not what law is supposed to be about either. It is unfortunate but true that currently there are no laws prohibiting cyberbullying. But the solution is not to make all of us into criminals. The solution is a law against cyberbullying.

    - Badtux the Law Penguin

  6. i like your rules, do you allow old dogs?

  7. Note for the irony-impaired: It's a joke making fun of the deranged nonsense that is our current legal system. Duh.

    I'm wiped out tired dude, I tried teh snark and it came across badly.
    I coulda sworn I had you on my Blogroll and I do, it was on my Wordpress site that I abandoned a while back.
    No worries, sorry to trouble you.

    Remedied that but now I am going to take a shower and have a few cocktails.

    Then I am going to forget I had this unfortunate discussion.

  8. What is this world coming to, BT? It's bad enough we have cases like this floating around, but having to have a tag for the "irony-impaired" makes me fear for the continued existence of our race (well, mine; yours will probably do fine on the iceberg).

    Should the irony-impaired even be READING blogs?

    Oh, and if we don't chat again before Christmas, the lovely yet talented Mrs618 and I wish you, Mencken, TMF, and the rest of your clan a very merry Christmas, and a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year.

  9. Take a look at Rule #4 of my blog. :)

  10. NOthing about blondes then? Whew

  11. Thanks for the link. I had followed this issue only slightly, but even down here had heard that the shamming mother had been convicted of something. I didn't realise it for something so small, based on such a tenuous reading of the law.

    It's bad grounds for a conviction, but my question is why the prosecutors couldn't make charges of manslaughter or felony harrassment or SOMETHING stick? It should have been state prosecutors doing this. If they had enough balls and talent, they could convince a jury that the mother's actions were heinous enough to merit conviction. It's a damn shame that D.A.s can only get guilty verdicts through plea bargains in so many cases. Put a smart defence lawyer and stupid jurors against most prosecutors and the guilty go free. When it gets down to actual cases in courtrooms, the letter of the law is an ass and the spirit of the law is blind-sided.

    That's why Mrs. Bukko likes to watch "Judge Judy" here, 3 p.m. on the Ten Network (something she never did in the U.S.) It shows someone with a sense of justice lecturing idiots who should have known better. Unfortunately, last week Judy was replaced with "Everybody Loves Raymond." Aussies get such a funhouse mirror look at American culture via the telly...


Ground rules: Comments that consist solely of insults, fact-free talking points, are off-topic, or simply spam the same argument over and over will be deleted. The penguin is the only one allowed to be an ass here. All viewpoints, however, are welcomed, even if I disagree vehemently with you.

WARNING: You are entitled to create your own arguments, but you are NOT entitled to create your own facts. If you spew scientific denialism, or insist that the sky is purple, or otherwise insist that your made-up universe of pink unicorns and cotton candy trees is "real", well -- expect the banhammer.

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