Monday, September 12, 2005

Weapons of Mass Destruction on the Bayou

Today, an unnamed source made it clear why the Bush Administration failed for four days to dispatch U.S. troops to Louisiana in order to save American lives: Governor Kathleen Blanco was a bigger threat to the U.S. Army than Saddam Hussein.

"Look," our informant said. "That lady is scary. What's with that hair, she, like, looks totally butch? And her military... her military is just awesome! We couldn't send the Army in without her permission, the U.S. Army would have been utterly destroyed!"

When asked what military capabilities the State of Louisiana possessed, given that all of the Louisiana National Guard's combat brigades and half of its equipment were in Iraq, our informant flew into a frenzy. "Weapons of Mass Destruction! Weapons of Mass Destruction! I mean, have you ever even SEEN Chef Paul Prudhomme?! Mass, man, mass! And his cooking will clog your arteries, ah guerr-an-tee! Destruction, man, destruction!"

Critics of the Bush Administration point out that Chef Prudhomme evacuated to Pine Bluff, Arkansas, where the American Red Cross has had to pull in a dozen semi-trailers of food plus dozens of large tarps in order to keep Chef Paul properly fed and clothed. "This is just ridiculous," said one highly-placed New Orleans official in the Mayor's office who angrily shook his bald head. "Oh sure, Chef Paul didn't serve mushy peas and meatloaf like those crackers up North, but mass destruction? Well, mass, yeah, but destruction? That's B.S.!"

The Governor's office, given 3 minutes to comment, failed to comment before deadline.

And that is our news today. From the Whitehouse, this is Badtux the Snarky Penguin, saying: Good day!

- Badtux the News Penguin


  1. I guess it's not funny when you're from there...even if you don't like Blanco.

  2. Yeah, well, I *AM* from there. And I gotta either laugh and make stupid jokes, or cry. I'm tired of crying.

    And for the record, Blanco would make a perfectly fine big city mayor. She's good at making sure potholes get filled, the police have gas and bullets, taxes get collected, and public hospitals and clinics kept operational. But in this case, she was completely out of her depth. In the end someone had to step up and lead... and Blanco just didn't have the "right stuff" for that.

    - Badtux the Louisiana Penguin

  3. I can't stand her. She had a dirty campaign and she doesn't know what she's doing.

  4. Well, it was a choice between Blanco and Bobby "I hate the state hospital and clinic system!" Jindel. Jindel would have shut down all of the state's public hospitals and clinics because he doesn't believe that government has any business providing health care. Nevermind that the state hospital and clinic system has lower per-patient costs than Medicaid. His supporters in the hospital industry want more profits, so they wanted to torpedo the most efficient hospital and clinic system in the nation in favor of looting the public treasury for the benefit of private enterprise yet again.

    So in the end, it was the lesser of two evils, and Blanco got in by default. As for "dirty campaigns", uhm, Republicans rote the book on dirty campaigns. It's about time that a Democrat got with the program and gave the Republicans some of what they dish out every election...

    Of course, Blanco is entirely out of her depth handling anything more complicated than making a roux. Not to demean the complexity of making a roux, of course :-). It would have been nice having someone in charge. But you vote for the candidate you have, not for the candidate you want...

    - Badtux the Louisiana Penguin


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