Wednesday, April 27, 2005

These slackers need to buck it up

Look, so those Vietnamese whiners say that they ought to get some medical help from the United States because of their birth defects caused by Agent Orange. Well, TOUGH! These slackers just need to buck it up and pull themselves up from their bootstraps (or glovestraps, for those without legs). For example:

This slacker needs to get a job at Saturday Night Live. Oh, I suppose the lack of much of the cerebral cortex might present a slight problem, but hey, considering the uneven quality of SNL over the years and the fact that their audience is all drunk by the time SNL comes on, who would notice?!

Look, this little girl has GREAT hair! She could star in her own shampoo commercials! Why, I bet there's just DOZENS of shampoo companies just BEGGING her for a contract... how DARE she whine that living without arms is a handicap! As for that kid behind with the useless arms and the crippled spine, well, he just needs to get a job that doesn't require a spine, like Democratic Congressman, and he'll be just fine!

The perfect baby girl, it's the new trend in town, rather than buy a doll for your little girl, rent a real baby! The fact that she doesn't have legs just HELPS, since it means she won't be crawling around and getting into things. I can see the advertisements now, "Rent-a-Doll*" (* Legs Not Included).

Hey look, he has no right arm and no legs, but he can curl 50 pounds with his left arm! This slacker needs to try out for the Major Leagues. I mean, how's a pitcher going to throw the ball between his knees and his chest if he has no knees? He'd walk every time! Well, crawl, pushing himself along with that mighty arm of his, but hey, it's a living, right?

Now, there's some who say, "we broke it, we ought to fix it." Oh puh-LEEZE. It's not like they're REAL kids. They're just two-dimensional pictures on a computer monitor, untermenschen, unseemly brown people, just extras in the cast of Survivor:Vietnam who at the end of the day will put on all those unseemly missing parts and become regular folks like you and me. It's not as if they were REAL people, God's people, Americans. They're not like you and me, so why should we care?! It's their own fault anyhow for not being born American, they shoulda just plucked their fetal cells out of their mother's wombs, swam across the ocean, and implanted themselves in good god-fearin' American wombs yessireee!

Yes indeed, as the 30th anniversary of the fall of Saigon approaches, it's definitely a time for introspection and compassion on the part of America and Americans. ***NOT!!!!***

- Badtux the Freeper Penguin

Credit to GreatScat for three of the pictures and the inspiration. And of course to freerepublic.com for the model of how Freeper America thinks...

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for help spreading the work on this. I don't think people realize how long after a war the effects are still felt, and what a struggle it is to get anyone to do anything to help.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amazing. I had no idea. I'm not sure whether to yell at you, or thank you. I think I will just link to your post and curse and mumble under my breath.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't forget, freeper brother, that them slanty-eyed brown people have defective genes. It can't be the toxic-defoliant the US sprayed all over their country. Since our military told us Agent Orange is harmless, it could not be the cause.

    ReplyDelete

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