Thursday, April 07, 2005

A modest proposal for travel documents

Americans will soon be required to have a passport in order to go shopping across the MExican or Canadian border. This is required in order to deal with all those Mexican and Canadian terrorists that have been entering the country and blowing up buildings like on September 11. I mean, there's been... err.... ah... *NO* Mexican or Canadian terrorists entering America using American birth certificates and picture ID? WTF?

It's clear that this is mostly a mechanism for keeping the prune faces from making those bus trips across the border to get cheap medicines, but taking it on face value (that this is to keep terrorist from travelling), this penguin has a modest proposal: Make a passport required to travel *ANYWHERE* in the United States. Going from California to Arizona? Your passport, please! Going from New York to New Jersey? Your passport please!

It is clear that this would have stopped the 9/11 terrorists, who, after all, had valid passports and visas (WTF?).... thus should be instituted, like, tomorrow!

Remember, "Your Papers, Please" isn't just a good idea -- it should be the law. If we don't turn our nation into a fear-filled fortress state with machine-gun-armed soldiers on every streetcorner demanding your papers, the terrorists have won!

- Badtux the Fascism-luvin' Penguin


  1. You, sir, are a man of the future.


  2. Man? Hope you don't um flip the ignorant off too much, Aldous.

  3. It would all be a lot easier if we just killed all the Mexicans and Canadians. Strikes me as a real Bush administration-style solution, too. After all, if those Mexicans and Canadians didn't want to get killed, they shouldn't have joined the insurgency.

  4. Oh puh-LEEZE. The Bush family do without their Mexican gardners, Mexican maids, and Mexican cooks? Why, the whole family would starve to death while trapped in their mansions by overgrown brambles, stinking in their unwashed clothing! No no, absolutely inconceivable... and if you say "well just kill the ones in Mexico", why, that's the supply that keeps the price of Mexican gardners, maids, and cooks so cheap, if that supply dried up, the Bushes might actually have to pay (da da dum) LIVING WAGES to their servants!

    It is clear, sir, that you are an anti-Bush agitator intent upon the murder of our Great Leader and His holy annointed family via brambles, stinky clothing, and starvation. Report to Cell Block D for re-education, young man!

    As for the Canadians... well, Gordon Lightfoot probably sufficed as a declaration of war by Canuckstan against the United States. Let the bombings begin!

    - Badtux the Realist Penguin

  5. Looks like my passport is going to need a faraday cage. (That's EE talk for tin foil.)

  6. "Boom! goes London,
    Boom! Par--ee
    More room for you
    and more room for me...

    ...South America stole our name,
    Let's drop the Big One,
    there'll be no one left to blame us..."

    Loosely quoted Randy Newman


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