Thursday, April 28, 2005

Pooty-poot to Israel: "Go bugger yourself!"

Yessiree, SovietRussian premier Vladmir "Stalin was just misunderstood!" Putin, he of the "the fall of the Soviet Union was the biggest catastrophe of the 20th century" quote, is doing his typical job of making everybody uneasy, in Israel this time. Nevermind that the Russian army couldn't fight its way out of a paper bag, or that Russian military technology is 15 years out of date, and the Russian navy is literally rusting away at its moorings, and most of Russia's nuclear missiles would probably fizzle or explode in their silos due to lack of maintenance if the Russians ever tried to fire them. When that creepy little ex-KGB goon starts talking, people start getting nervous, wondering whose back is going to sprout a knife next...

So he sells Syria some (useless) anti-aircraft missiles. (Useless because Israel can blanket Syria with so many planes spewing so much electronic and thermal jamming that the missiles are more likely to cause the Presidential Palace to burn down than any Israeli plane to fall from the air). He sells the Palestinian Authority some (useless) troop carriers (troop carriers that last served in Afghanistan and proved to be a sitting duck to any half-trained jihadi with an RPG launcher). And of course he sells Iran nuclear reactor equipment. And everybody is sort of standing around, looking over their shoulder, wondering "What is he going to do *NEXT*?!"

Unlike Bush, nobody misunderestimates Pooty-poot. I suspect that, in the middle of the night in his fortified bedroom in the Kremlin, Pooty-poot secretly smiles at that thought. For a millisecond. Then returns to his normal creepy little ex-KGB half-scowl half-smile that makes people look around nervously. Pooty-poot might not have an army capable of fighting its way out of a paper bag (but don't dare say we ought to invade Russia, Napoleon and Hitler both made that mistake and it was a fatal one), but he has something far, far better for Russia's purposes right now: the kind of creepy, gloomy mein that would make Alfred Hitchcock look like an optimistic ray of sunshine.

So the Israelis fume and rant, and Pooty-poot gives that little half-scowl half-smile and smoothly utters inconsequentials and sarcasms, and... all those complaints just slide right off him, leaving the Israelis sputtering. Oh sure, he's a goon, and the world would be a better place without him. But hey, sometimes it's just entertaining to watch one set of goons receive their comeuppance from a professional at the art of goonery. Even penguins need entertainment beyond snorting kippered herring and browsing penguin porn sometimes, y'know!

- Badtux the "Watching the goon circus" Penguin


  1. "nobody misunderestimates Pooty-poot."
    You are wrong, sir. Our Dear Leader and all his minions, even his second wife Condom, misunderestimate ole Pooty. And that is why poor, weak, old Russia is eating our diplomatic lunch.

  2. Sir Montag, I believe you are mistaken. Dear Leader and second wife Condom do not misunderstimate ole' Pooty-poot. Rather, they recognize a kindred soul.


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