Tuesday, February 28, 2006

MRE Reviews, continued

Today's menu is #21, Chicken Tetrazini.

You open up the packet, and here is what you see (other than the flameless heater and spoon that come with them all):

  • One packet Chicken Tetrazini
  • Pouch of strawberry jam
  • Molasses cookie
  • MRE Crackers (I *still* can't figure how they keep their crackers from turning into crumbles!).
  • An accessory packet with "Seasoning Blend Salt Free", apple cider mix, iced tea mix, then the standard stuff.
  • A *BIG* pouch entitled "Dairy Shake, Vanilla".
The first thing I did was heat up and decant the Chicken Tetrazini. Sniffing at it, it smelled sort of like mushroom soup and pasta and chicken. That's pretty much what it tasted like, too. It was, alas, rather bland. I opened up the seasoning mix and tried a little of that, but it was rather bitter -- almost Indian curry powder bitter but without the heat (India Indian, not Native American Indian). Bleh. But still, it was quite filling, especially eaten with the crackers. I rate it about a 5 out of 10 -- edible, filling, no faults, but no real reason to go out of your way to eat it either. But this is one you definitely want to use the heater with, it'd be really disgusting cold. Although CatTux gave it his seal of approval -- usually CatTux turns his nose up at people food (he feels that people food is beneath his dignity), but CatTux decided to lick the plate clean for me this time.

The next thing I tried was the molassas cookie. This was really, really sweet. *REALLY* sweet. Almost unbearably sweet. So sweet that I opened up the strawberry jam and topped the cookie with the jam, because the jam wasn't as sweet. *THAT* sweet. But it was quite good nevertheless, though I suggest that if you're in the field, that you fix up a mug of hot chocolate (instant, from a pouch, a tiny soda-can alcohol burner will heat up a stainless steel mug of hot water to sufficient temperature for hot chocolate use within 3 minutes) to drink with it. That way you can get a *triple* sugar rush! Woo!

Finally, there is the "Dairyshake, Vanilla". Apparently an earlier version of this MRE included a strawberry shake that was entirely unpalatable ("Pepto-Bismol!" was a common description). This enormous pouch says to put a whole six ounces of water into it, which would result in something with roughly the consistency of school paste. It also says it has 450 calories (!), 19g of protein (roughly 1/3rd your daily requirement!), and an awesome 16g of fat. In short, this thing accounts for an enormous chunk of the 1200 calories that a MRE is supposed to contain. I am taking it to work tomorrow and will eat it for lunch, and then edit this review to let you know how it turned out. (And don't worry, I have another MRE at work in case this "dairyshake" is entirely inedible!).

-- Badtux the Gourmet Penguin

And then there were 36

Damn, we got ourselves yet *ANOTHER* top aide to terrorist leader al-Zarqawi in Iraq! We got his barber, we got his shoe-shine boy, I bet al-Zarqawi is gonna be reduced to promoting the street vendor who sold him dates last week to his new top aide!

That makes, err... 36 top aides that we've killed so far, reading like a who's who of, well, the service industry.

What next, we grab Zarqawi's cobbler then proudly announce we've cut the head off of the Zarqawi organization?! Before you know it, a third of Iraq will be a top aide to Zarqawi!

Hold it -- maybe that's already the case...

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Monday, February 27, 2006

Tears of a Clown

I got an EMAIL from Mr. Whorowitz today. Poor Mr. Whorowitz. Them LIE-beral perfessers is bein' MEAN to him. How, you ask? Are they giving him wedgies? Are they sneaking into his driveway at night and sticking Darwin Fish on his car, causing all his neighbors to make warding signs against evil when they pass his yard? Did maybe one of those LIE-beral perfessers actually get out of his ivory tower and start picking in front of Whorowitz's house with a sign that said "Here lives evil"? No! It's even worse! It's... it's... THEY GAVE HIS LATEST BOOK BAD REVIEWS! Waaaaaahh!!!!

But never fear, Mr. Whorowitz's kind ole' letter to me told me how I can make Mr. Whorowitz feel better and get back at all them mean old perfessors that, like, hurt Mr. Whorowitz's FEELINGS (waaah!). All I gotta do is send him money. Yep. MONEY. That'll perk him right on up, yessiree, and let them perfessors know that he's better than them because, like, he sells himself on the street, and they don't! That'll teach them mean ole' perfessors to use them big WORDS 'n stuff to hurt Mr. Whorowitz's feelings, yessiree!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Camping food reviews: Meatloaf w/gravy

Today's MRE menu is Menu #24, Meatloaf with Gravy. My review of this one isn't quite as positive as for previous entries.

Opening the meal pouch, what you see is:

  • "Meatloaf w/Gravy" box and pouch
  • Mashed Potatoes box and pouch
  • crackers
  • cocoa drink
  • fig newtons
  • a brown pouch that says "tootsie rolls" on it
  • two tubes of grape jelly.
  • accessory pouch #2, with the iced tea and red pepper rather than with the coffee and Tabasco.
It appears that the white-smock guys in Natick ran out of ideas for meeting the 1200 calorie requirement for a MRE pouch, and tossed the grape jelly in there just to meet the calorie requirement. There's nothing in this meal that would go good with grape jelly. The fig newtons maybe, sort of, but certainly not *two* tubes of grape jelly. In addition, this grape jelly is completely empty calories. It doesn't even have vitamin C in it.

I ate the fig newtons and Tootsie Rolls as desert with lunch. They were fine. The Newtons were a bit squished, but still quite tasty. The Tootsie Rolls were, well, Tootsie Rolls -- once you removed the brown outer package, you find two commercially-packaged Tootsie Rolls in their normal brown-and-white wrappers.

For supper, I heated up the pouches of meatloaf and mashed potatos in boiling water, then decanted them upon a plate. I'm not quite sure how I'd do this in the field, since only one flameless heater is in the pouch. Probably decant them into my cooking pot and heat them up over a flame, resulting in a pot to wash.

The mashed potatoes tasted like potatoes and butter, and were somewhat yellowish with whatever artificial butter substitute was used. The crackers tasted like, well, crackers -- I don't know how they manage to make crackers uncrushable in that foil pouch, but it works. The "meat loaf", on the other hand, was about the same consistency as Friskies cat food. Now I know what those elderly cat ladies taste when they nibble on their cat's din-din. Finally, the chocolate drink tasted like, well, chocolate drink. Amazing, given that it has little resemblance to the commercially pakaged hot cocoa... it doesn't even have any milk in it! (Probably because the Army is increasingly brown and brown people are mostly lactose-intolerant).

Color me unimpressed. While certainly edible, in case of a natural disaster where folks are eating MRE's this is one I'd trade off for something else. I imagine white-bread boys from the Midwest would think it yummy, but this penguin prefers his food to not resemble his cat's food. Still, if it were the last MRE at the bottom of the case and I were hungry, you better bet I'd be eating it up! While not the tastiest thing on the block, it definitely isn't the rancid lard-tasting thing that would make me puke, so... (shrug).

- Badtux the Culinary Penguin

Brokeback 500 pound penguin

For the guy who typed that as your search term in Google -- what exactly were you looking for?!

- Badtux the *NOT* 500 pound Penguin

Friday, February 24, 2006

Fragments of a life

After my grandfather's old house was demolished, the house in which my mother grew up, I came across these fragments, sitting on the ground. I picked them up, and put them away. This is the front of the postcard, and it tells a story, a story of a fragment of a life. It tells the story of a generation uprooted and scattered across the country, people who had never been more than 50 miles from home in their entire lives suddenly at a military college in Alabama. A dry goods salesman in a small town in Louisiana suddenly become an Army captain in the Military Police in Alabama. And it tells a story about a man who married a woman whom he maybe did not love in the way that sappy romance novels and movies have conditioned us to think about love today, but who he did respect, and she likewise in her own way. A man who was largely deaf and spoke mostly unintelligably and thus was exempted from the Great War in order to continue working in a sawmill that was churning out the boards and timbers being used to build military camps around the world, who, against all odds, had a child in the middle of the Great War.

That child was my mother, and unexpected in all ways. My grandmother and grandfather were living at his father's house. I remember his father's house from before it was torn down. It was a four-square house -- four square rooms, with a cooking porch on the back and a sleeping porch on the front. No running water or electricity, of course. The heat was a fireplace in the front corner room near the sleeping porch, and a wood stove on the cooking porch, which was left open in the summer and had its screened windows covered in the winter. The roof was hand-split shingles. The walls were wood planks, and the wind blew through them in winter. All his younger brothers and sisters, a round dozen of them, were still living at home in these four square rooms. This was no place for a wife and a baby.

I do not know what happened next, but somehow he made the connection with the owner of the land next to his father's land, and bought that land, and built a house on that land for his wife and child. The postcard above, dated 1944, is part of the transaction where he bought the land.

The next postcard is a bit more mysterious: This one is from 1945. The house is obviously built by then, because my grandfather has an address other than "RFD Castor". Captain Caskey is now in Georgia, not Alabama. I don't know what he was doing there, and cannot ask him. I barely remember him as the elderly old codger at the dry goods store who would sell ice cream cones to myself and my grandmother when we went to town. I don't know anybody who would know. They are dead or dying fast, what few remain from The Good War. There apparently is still some business that has not been transacted in these days when everybody is dispersed all around the country.

These fragments of a life tell other stories, but you need to know more to know those stories. They tell the story of the death of the sharecropping system -- with so many able-bodied men overseas, the sharecropping system collapsed, leading to a drastic decline in cotton production and constant shortages of cotton fabric throughout the war, and the cotton planters, as soon as the war was over and civilian industry revived, replaced the sharecroppers with machinery to plant and harvest the cotton. The machinery was not as efficient at harvesting the cotton as nimble fingers of sharecroppers had been, and it was expensive, but machines do not get drafted. They tell the story of the death of the Confederacy. Before The Good War, the South was basically a part of the United States in name only. Culturally, politically, socially the South was a seperate nation. But with so many young men uprooted from their homes and scattered all over the world, experiencing things they had never dreamed existed, they came back home and changed the South (not enough, alas) and brought it into the United States or vice-versa. Those are the big stories. But all big stories are made of fragments, fragments like these. Fragments of a life.

And fragments is all I have of those lives, and fragments are all I will ever have, because all who could tell the tales around these fragments are gone, and, some day, so will I be gone, and these fragments with me.

- BT

I am not good at this hiatus stuff

I guess when you are habituated to writing something daily, it just won't quit. Even if all I have to talk about are contents of boxes I'm sorting through and discarding most of, because I am avoiding the poison as much as I can while I get my own house in order.

So if you want to come read about photos and recipes for a while, feel free to do so. Just don't expect much snark for a while, because my snark done snarked and needs some time to recuperate.

- BadTux the Recipe Penguin

Contentment

A full stomach, a couch all your own, what more could a happy shiny kitty want? Other than some moron not flashing a light in his eyes, that is?

- Badtux the Light-flashing Penguin

Thursday, February 23, 2006

If Ernest Hemingway had worked at a startup

"Ask not for whom the coffee maker tolls, for it tolls for thee." -- Startup Ernie

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Memories

As you pass 40, they become almost overwhelming at times. Especially when you are sifting and sorting through the clutter of decades of living.

I pulled three boxes out of storage today and started sifting through them. I am holding three photographs, a post card, and a piece of paper. Two of the photographs are of cats. Specifically, two cats, which a friend of the family gave us when I was in my mid teens. One is a jet black cat that my brother and I named "Devil", being unimaginative teenagers more interested in things other than cats for the most part. The other one is a tabby cat that my brother and I named "Brat".

Somehow, those two cats ended up living with me all over the country, from a farm in rural Louisiana to an apartment in Phoenix. Then they went back to my mother for their last couple of years. By that time Brat had arthritis in his hips. Then one day Devil just died. No reason, hadn't been sick, still was as sleek as he'd ever been and despite his advanced age seemingly as athletic as ever, just fell asleep and never woke up. About a year later, Brat started vomiting up his food and losing weight. The vet felt his tummy, and said that he had a lump, hopefully just an obstruction but could be cancer, and if it was cancer, the best thing to do was put him to sleep. She cut him open, and it was cancer. She administered more anesthetic until his heart stopped.

I remember how Devil liked to ride on my shoulders, purring. How Brat loved to sleep on my lap. They were my luck, then they were gone. Their ashes live in a small wooden box now. Someday when it is getting close to my own time I might spread their ashes on the small farm where they were so happy. By that time there will be no one but me and my brother to remember them, and they will be gone when we're gone.

The post card is from a great group of people. We basically lived in an office-warehouse space for a year, and had fun, and did great things together. I don't even remember most of their names today. Memory is the first thing to go, I guess.

The piece of paper says "Welcome backc!" It is from when I was in an auto accident that totalled my car, and I was out of commission with cracked ribs and a broken wrist for a while. Another great group of people. I left because I pined for adventure, for the big city, for everything that wasn't going to happen in the small city where I was born. I wonder what the person who'd stayed there would have been like? I will never know.

Then there is the old Rolodex. Filled with memories of people gone. My Aunt Shirley's address and phone number. She has been dead for six years now. I lived with her for a year when I moved to Houston, well, almost -- I rented a room in a house, but there was no furniture in the house so I went to my Aunt Shirley's during most of my waking hours not spent working, eating, sleeping, or studying (I never went there to eat, her food was rejected by toxic waste companies). My friend David's house and phone number. He recently sold it, finally acknowledging that he wasn't moving back to that city where I was born.

I have to go through this stuff and cull it down to something reasonable, all these memories that have piled up in boxes and photos and drawers. I guess the final cull, however, will be as I approach the end, when all those memories will be gone forever soon, and there is no more reason to keep them around to remind me of things forgotten long ago.

- BT

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The King on His throne

No, I don't place my cat on a pedestal. He does that himself.

This box is stuffed full of packing materials. I moved it from behind my bedroom door to the middle of the living room to go to storage along with other stuff. It was then promptly claimed by The King, as his loyal minion CatTux looks on (or away, as it may be).

This shot was hard to arrange because CatTux got it into his head that I wanted to pet him. In order to get CatTux into the picture, I had to move over to where CatTux is sitting, wait for him to wind around my feet, rub his head until he sat down in contentment, then quickly go back to the other side of the box. A moment after I snapped the shot, CatTux came over and started winding around my feet again.

-- Badtux the Cat-owned Penguin

Yes, still officially on hiatus

Monday, February 20, 2006

Hungry kitties

My cats are very upset with me. They're hungry and I refuse to feed them. But they're so fat that they waddle like, well, a penguin, so I feed them a measured amount every night, and when they run out during the day, that's that. But if you listen to them, you'd think I never feed them at all... they're whining "Feed me! Feed me!", winding around my legs when I try to walk, getting up in my face and going "Meow! Meooowww!" when I sit down, etc.

Yes, still officially on hiatus.

- Badtux the Cat-owned Penguin

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Another camping food review

This one is for "Beef Enchilada in Sauce", a Menu B MRE. I won another Ebay auction so I'm eating up my current stock so I can provide reviews of it all.

The main components of this menu is:

  • Beef Enchilada in Sauce
  • Refried Beans
  • Salsa
  • Jalapeno cheese spread
  • Vegetable crackers
  • Mint chocolate chip cookie
  • Vitamin-fortified powdered orange-flavored drink.

The first thing I tried was, at lunch, the cookie, with some milk. Yumm! But *way* fattening, check out the calories on that thing! (Each MRE is supposed to provide 1300 calories, and the cookie was a lot of them).

At the next meal, I mixed up the orange drink and took a sip of it. Hmm. Vaguely reminiscent of Tang. I heated the Enchilada and Refried Beans pouches in boiling water, then after letting them sit for five minutes to warm up nicely inside.

The first thing I splatted out onto the plate was the "Beef Enchilada in Sauce". Frankly, it didn't look like much -- the handling that this MRE had received had broken up any enchilada into pieces, leaving meat and tortilla sort of mixed into a Chili-Mac-ish looking mix. I topped it with some of the salsa and jalapeno cheese spread, not expecting much, expecting something that tasted vaguely of rancid lard and tomatoes (you have to remember, my iceberg is parked in California at the moment -- lots of real Mexican food).

I then splatted out the refried beans, and similarly topped them with some salsa and cheese. I opened the crackers and put them to the side of the plate, started eating, and ...

Yumm! This is military food?! It had actual flavor! A nice blend of flavor, actually, with enough spices to be interesting, not really spicy hot but still the guys down in the barrio down the street would wolf it down lickity split. This wasn't the icky canned enchilada s*** that you get in Middle America at all! Guess the fact that so much of the military is now Hispanic means that they now know what an enchilada is supposed to taste like (hint: the canned thing in the supermarket ain't it), and forced the military to make an enchilada that actually tasted like real Mexican food.

So once again, I want to compliment the guys at US Soldier Systems Center (Natick, MA) who created the modern MRE after the fiasco of the Gulf War "Meals Refused by Everybody". They have truly done a masterful job, and this penguin gives them two flippers up.

- Badtux the Gustatory Penguin

Note: Still "officially" on hiatus. But will occasionally post recipes or food reviews or such.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Evil lurks

No, I don't have cancer, and I've not been kidnapped and flown to Gitmo. I thank everyone for their kind words below, but documenting the sickness at the heart of America has affected too many other parts of my life. My iceberg has hit troubled waters and is taking on water and I'm bailing with both flippers. So I'm going to discontinue my newspaper subscription, quit reading blogs, and try to get my own life back in order for the next little bit.

And perhaps that is why so many people refuse to follow what's happening to America and instead live in a little happy-happy la la world of their own even though life is getting a little harder and meaner and poorer for most folks every year -- because it's hard to maintain your sanity if you pay attention to what's happening in these insane times.

- Badtux the "Hold on, boys, rough water ahead!" Penguin

Postscript: Bailing delayed due to CatTux sleeping on chest for two hours after I took an after-lunch nap. Happiness is a warm cat on a cold and rainy day.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

That nasty "H" word

Due to events outside of the blogosphere, I may need to take a hiatus for a month or two. We'll see. At the moment I'm having trouble concentrating on anything dealing with blogs or politics or humor.

- Badtux the Unsnarky Penguin

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Respect, not censorship, is the issue

One of the things that is interesting about the Bushbots is how anybody who does not automatically toe the Bushevik line is a "liberal". That includes traditional conservatives such as myself (a believer in a limited government that does only what time and/or experiments in other countries have proven is proper for government to do) or Pat Buchanan.

When we say that exporting democracy at gunpoint is a Wilsonian liberal idea, not something that a good conservative would ever support doing, we're lambasted as "liberals" or "paleo-conservatives". When we say that interfering in the affairs of other nations overseas is not something a real conservative would ever support, we're blasted as "isolationist" and "anti-freedom". When we point out that the neo-conservatives have adopted the methods of the Communists, ranging from the Central Committee that formulates the Party's message to the Party commissars responsible for spreading said message and enforcing Party unity, we're accused of being "alarmists" and "objectively pro-terrorist" for not properly supporting our Dear Leader in his quest to squelch out those dirty nasty liberals who are traitors to America and thus fair game for any methods, no matter how vile the source of said methods.

Those of us who are conservative point out that the Constitution gives three basic roles to the national government -- to defend Americans from foreign threats, to secure this nation's borders and ports, and to regulate interstate commerce -- and that said roles do not include spying on Americans exercising their free speech rights, prohibiting substances that people voluntarily ingest while knowing full well their effects, or regulating how people can die -- then we're called lefty loonies. If we condemn the no-fly list as an unwarranted intrusion into freedom of travel within the borders of the United States, we're accused of a "pre-9/11 mentality" and again accused of being lefty loonies.

If we raise the alarm about a Dubai company buying major U.S. ports we're called anti-Muslim. If we raise the alarm about the neo-con's policy of defending Israel to the last American, we're called anti-Semitic. If we raise the alarm about unrestricted immigration from Mexico creating a new American slave class and depressing the wages of American workers, we are called anti-Mexican racists. If we state that the job of the American government is to serve the American people -- i.e., America for Americans, not for Bosnians or Kosovars or Iraqis or Afghans or whatever other country our leaders decide to "liberate" next -- we're accused of being bigots who don't care about the fates of brown people in other lands. When we object that charity at gunpoint is theft, that we pay our taxes to a government that is supposed to serve America and Americans not some foreign people overseas who have their own government that's supposed to take care of them, we're accused again of having a "pre-9/11 mentality" and of being racist bigots.

If we object to the war in Iraq because it has nothing to do with defending America and Americans and everything to do with liberal ideas of exporting democracy at gunpoint, we're accused of having a "pre-9/11 mentality" and being "racist" and "liberal". If we state that increasing the size of government by more than any president since LBJ is about as conservative as Leon Trotsky, the answer is... [crickets].

Now, here comes Pat Buchanan again, weighing in on the Danish cartoon issue. Pat basically says, "sure, a right-wing Danish newspaper had the right to publish those cartoons. But the U.S. government and its people also have every right to condemn such blatant bigotry." Pat points out that by supporting or at least appearing to support this bigotry against Muslims, so-called "Conservatives" in Washington today merely confirm to the Muslims of the world that America and Americans are all bigots who hate Muslims, and therefore that Muslims should support the terrorist fighting America, rather than supporting America. By appearing to support this bigotry against Muslims, we show that we have no respect for the Islamic faith, and thus have no business tromping around in one of Islam's holiest lands, Iraq.

And frankly, my own opinion is quite similar to Pat's. That right-wing Danish paper had the right to publish cartoons that depict the Prophet Mohammed as a bucktooth inbred foul-mouth terrorist. And I have every right to call them a bunch of bigots and condemn the cartoons as ignorant hate speech by a bunch of folks who are only inches removed from being neo-Nazis. Similarly, the Muslims have every right to protest the cartoons and demand that the Danish government condemn the cartoons as a blatant racist statement by people who are not fit to be seen in mixed company. Free speech is free speech, after all.

I eagerly await to see what the Busheviks are going to say about that little bit of heresy on the part of Pat (and myself). I suppose they can't accuse us of anti-Muslim bigotry. I suppose it's going to be the anti-Semitic libel this time. We support protests against the cartoons because we hate Israel. Or we have a pre-9/11 mentality. Or something. I dunno, it doesn't have to make sense, after all. We're talking Busheviks. Just any old bullshit and lies does for them. Weapons of mass destruction, bay-bee. MARS! Fuck yeah!

-- Badtux the "Wondering which lie the Busheviks will try NOW" Penguin

Borrowed Snark: It's a war of civilizations!!

From FafBlog:

It is a clash of civilizations which can only be resolved by violent bloodshed! Look at these Muslim fanatics, which Giblets will henceforth refer to as “Muslinatics.” All it took was one insult to their lunatic religion to reduce them to bloodthirsty savages! Well, that and decades of being treated like second-class citizens. But that’s all it takes – just one insult and decades of second-class citizenship! And confinement to poverty-stricken ghettos. Just one insult, decades of second-class citizenship, and confinement to poverty-stricken ghettos! Oh, and the Iraq War. All it takes to get these people to resort to violence is one insult, decades of second-class citizenship, confinement to poverty-stricken ghettos, and a half-assed scheme to bomb them into democracy. Giblets’s point is, these are bloodthirsty savages who kill at the drop of a hat! When Giblets’s countrymen kill you can be sure it is purely for the sake of exporting freedom and democracy to the oppressed. And if the oppressed don’t like it they can go back to their second-class ghettos before we bomb them into democracy again!

Indeed, Giblets, indeed. There is obviously only one solution to the brown menace, and that's to invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. Anything else would be, well, just plain un-American. At least, as "American" is defined nowdays (i.e., if you don't worship Dear Leader and hate liberals, you're not American, you're objectively pro-terrorist and are the Enemy!).

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Monday, February 13, 2006

Liberals are getting gamed big-time

It's a setup. Literally.

That Bush budget that cuts Social Security survivor benefits in a way that would never pass? Deliberately done like that, in order to allow Republican congressmen to eliminate the outrageous cuts and thus run against Bush in the 2006 election.

The current story about Bush's abysmal Katrina performance? More of the same -- material being generated to allow Republican congressmen to run against Bush.

And the Democrats are just chortling, without seeing the big picture: that it's a setup. It's a setup to allow a Republican congress that has rolled over and done everything the Bush administration wants them to do, to continue to roll over and do everything the Bush administration wants them to do. Because the Bush administration knew that there was no way that the budget presented to Congress would ever pass. That was the point. The Republicans in Congress are still doing exactly what the Busheviks want them to do. They are bought-and-paid-for tools of the same vile and venal men who own the rest of the Bush administration, and do only what they're ordered to do by the Party central committee -- even when what the Party central committee wants them to vote against a deliberately poorly concieved budget.

The Democrats need to keep hammering on the Bush connection. Bush is extremely unpopular right now, historically speaking. There are only a handful of Presidents who were ever more unpopular than Bush is right now at this point in his Presidency. The Democrats can't let the Republican Congress run away from Bush -- especially when it's the Busheviks who are ordering their Congressmen and Senators to do so in hopes of staving off impeachment if the Democrats take power in Congress in 2006.

For every Republican in Congress, the Democrats need to keep hammering home the point: This man does exactly what Bush wants him to do. This man is Bush's man in Congress. This man is a Bush crony who might fake that he represents his constituency but really only represents Bush. Tie Bush around these people's neck like a 500 pound albatross. Don't let them run away from Bush -- especially when the "running away" is completely fake and bogus, dictated from above by the Party central committee (Karl Rove and friends), rather than something they're doing on their own initiative. If the Democrats let the Republican congressmen get away with this scam, they deserve to lose. Unfortunately, the real losers will be the rest of us.

- Badtux the "I know a scam when I see one!" Penguin

Report critical of President makes Bushbots freak

So we find out that a Republican committee in the House of Representatives has found that hundreds suffered and died because President Bush didn't cut through the bureaucracy to help those affected by Katrina. So what's the response of the Bushbots? Why, simple! "These newspapers talk about how President Bush failed, but don't mention that the same report also blasts Mayor Nagin and Governor Blanco!".

I.e., the newspapers are biased! It's that dastardly "liberal press" at work again!

The only problem with that notion is that it completely disregards the difference between news and not-news. News is when something unusual happens. Not-news is when something usual happen. If a man goes to work in the morning then comes home at night and eats then sleeps, that's not-news. If a man goes to work in the morning and discovers a drowned body in the executive washroom, that's unusual (I certainly *hope* that finding drowned bodies in the executive washroom is unusual, anyhow!). That's news.

Mayor Nagin or Governor Blanco are not the President of the United States. They are the mayor and governor of the poorest major city and poorest state in the nation. The notion that they might not have the ability or capacity to properly handle a major disaster is Not News™. It’s sort of like a “dog bites man” story… if the press covers it, it’ll be in a few lines buried in the back of section B (the section where the one-paragraph police reports summaries live). It’s just not unusual enough to be news.

The notion that the government of the United States of America, the world’s richest and most powerful nation, may not have the ability or capacity to handle a major disaster IS News™. This is like a “man bites dog” story—something unexpected, and thus newsworthy. Thus this is where the press is naturally going to focus the majority of their attention—whether said national government is run by Republicans or Democrats.

In short, it’s not the press that’s biased, it’s the facts. Pesky facts, don’t they know that they’re supposed to properly salute Dear Leader and only be what he wants them to be?!

– Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Dick Cheney’s Top 10 Excuses For Shooting Fellow Hunter

Here’s Vice President Dick Cheney’s top 10 excuses for shooting fellow hunter Harry Whittington on Saturday:

10. Sick and tired of Whittington’s “Hey, I’m having a heart attack” jokes

9. Pushed over edge by Dixie Chicks and Streisand blasting on pick-up truck stereo

8. Ongoing dispute over whether it’s acceptable to torture quail before shooting them

7. Thought he saw Michael Moore on other side of tree line

6. Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer made him do it

5. Companion’s ill-advised decision to wear Moveon.org sweatshirt

4. Was trying to impress Jodie Foster

3. Whittington’s repeated ribbing that Bush is actually the “real president”

2. Targeting scope on rifle made by Halliburton

And the number one excuse given by Dick Cheney for almost blowing away hunting companion Harry Whittington…

1. Because he’s a wartime vice president, damn it

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Adapted/borrowed from BobGeiger.com