Sunday, July 10, 2005

The press is the enemy in Iraq

They keep tell us about all those, like, bombs and stuff, that are going off all over the place, and about that rat-tat-tat of gunfire that goes on almost 24 hours a day. But never fear. Our brave men (and token women) in the Bush Administration have a plan: arrest journalists and detain them indefinitely if they dare try to report from Iraq.

Yessiree, definitely a plan! Now, the question is how many journalists are the Americans holding in their gulags in Iraq? We don't know. The military won't tell us, saying that it's a "national security secret". Apparently if the insurgents find out how many journalists we're holding in our gulags, why, it'll make them suddenly become stronger, more accurate with their gunfire, and more deadly! Whereas keeping this secret, why, it just makes Ahab whose child was killed by a 500 pound bomb dropped from an F-16 on a house next door that supposedly had "insurgent leaders" in it just so dispirited that he'll just go right on home to his little tarp pitched in a corner of the rubble of his former house, trade in his AK-47 for an American flag, and start a pro-American parade. Uhm, except his child is still dead, so I guess that isn't happening. Oops! But that's okay, she's Gone to Jesus and is in Heaven and wasn't really a person anyhow, since she was a member of a different pride of monkeys and only monkeys that belong to our pride are actually real, all others are just enemy to hoot and whoop and fling feces at hooo hooo hooo HOOOOT!

Look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey!

hooo hoo hoo HOOOT!

- Badtux the Naked Ape Penguin


  1. Don’t you know that only White American Protestants can get into heaven? As long as they excommunicate gay church members and vote Republican.

  2. No, no, no. Only a very select group of folks are going to heaven to see Jeebus. But, for a marginal amount, Randall Terry can help you get on the list -- *if* you're really willing to go that 'extra mile' for God.


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