Friday, July 22, 2005

All hail the Creator!

The First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has sent a demand to the Kansas School Board that their own religion's version of the creation of Man be taught in science classes in Kansas. While of course as a good Tuxologist I believe that all Pastafarians will end up going to Hell (Nevada), if the Pastafarians get their way, that presents an excellent precedent for the teaching of Tuxology in Kansas science classrooms.

See, while the First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster believes that a flying spaghetti monster created the universe, we Tuxologists know better. We know it was the Great Penguin who did so, who then created penguins in His image, some of whom subsequently devolved into the absurd monstrosity that we call "man", and that by partaking of the Sacrament of the Herring one can contact your Inner Penguin and, at some point in the future, perhaps even attain perfect peace and harmony. We know this because our holy documents, passed down from flipper to flipper over the years by the Emperor Penguins of Antarctica and found during Admiral Robert Byrd's last trip to Antarctica, tell us this is so. But for some reason we can't get science educators to take us seriously. Every time we push our theory of the creation of the universe at some convocation of those nerdy science geeks, they LAUGH at us!

But once Kansas rules that creationism can be taught in classrooms... HAH! I can see the sour look on those evil "scientists" faces when they have to teach their students about the Great Penguin. Who will have the last laugh then?

- Badtux the Tuxologist Penguin


  1. *MewHa*! *Meow*! Kansas is wrong... and so are you! Cats created the universe! Why we did such a stupid thing, only the Great Catamundi knows. *Purr*

  2. Blasphemers! Idolators all! Get down on your lousy, stinking knees and beg the Old Ones for forgiveness! You won't get any, of course, but when they rise from the depths and devour all humankind, at least you'll be eaten first.

    Ph-nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!


Ground rules: Comments that consist solely of insults, fact-free talking points, are off-topic, or simply spam the same argument over and over will be deleted. The penguin is the only one allowed to be an ass here. All viewpoints, however, are welcomed, even if I disagree vehemently with you.

WARNING: You are entitled to create your own arguments, but you are NOT entitled to create your own facts. If you spew scientific denialism, or insist that the sky is purple, or otherwise insist that your made-up universe of pink unicorns and cotton candy trees is "real", well -- expect the banhammer.

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