Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Safeway Eating Right Soy Protein Burgers

These things are sold in the freezer section at Safeway, and claim to be microwavable, exactly what any good bachelor needs -- burgers that don't need firing up the grill but, rather, can be nuked in the microwave in a few minutes after getting home from work. So I brought a box home, and cooked one pattie by nuking it in the microwave for 2 minutes

The general consistency is cardboard, leavened by Worcestershire sauce (which made a friggin' mess on the microwave plate as it boiled out of the burger during nuking). Still, placed on a hamburger bun and dressed up with ketchup, yellow mustard, hamburger dill slices, and random salad greens, it was acceptably edible for the bachelor who is, well, baching it. I had two of them, which didn't leave a bad taste in my mouth or anything, though clearly they aren't real hamburgers. They could maybe be confused with McDonald's hamburgers though. For what that's worth. Yellow mustard, ketchup, and pickle will make even cardboard edible enough for a bachelor.

In short: If you're a bachelor in a hurry needing to nuke a couple of burgers inbetween getting home and leaving for a hot date with a woman, this will fill the hole in your tummy. Fine cuisine it ain't, but edible it is, and proof that enough Worcestershire steak sauce, ketchup, mustard, and pickle will make even cardboard edible.

-- Badtux the Culinary Penguin


  1. One minute silly, not two, and put the worstershire on afterwords. Go with the Boca burgers, the grilled kind or this one . Stater Brothers makes a good whole wheat bun that you can keep in the freezer and pop in the toaster oven and it will be done at the same time.

    Bon Appetit. (If you haven't seen Meryl Streep do Julia child you're missing out, me and my friend laughed and remembered our mom's watching her)

  2. The directions said two minutes, and it seemed okay, the patties weren't too dry or anything. These particular patties are pre-marinated with Worcestershire sauce, I didn't do it. I don't live anywhere that Stater Brothers lives, so that's no good for me, I just bought the el-cheapo Safeway buns and they were good enough for baching it.

    Really, I'm not quite sure you get the gist of the whole "Bachelor's Cookbook" concept. If it takes more than fifteen minutes to cook, it isn't going to be in there. The cookbook is oriented towards chili mac, ramen noodles, and tuna casseroles that take maybe ten minutes max to cook, not Julia Child territory at all :). I'm just glad that I found something halfway healthy for the bachelors to eat, heh!

    - Badtux the Bachelor Penguin

  3. That sounds really gross. :o(

  4. Fine eatin' it ain't, but it's edible and it's nutritious, which sure beats the majority of bachelor food.

    - Badtux the Bachelor Penguin

  5. During my bachelor days, the stable was crunchy peanut butter on whole wheat toast, with a beer. And potato chips. But that's not something I recommend. Unless you have a salt and crunch craving . . .

    JzB the non-food-snob trombonist.


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