Monday, August 07, 2006

Securing our Promised Land

I have a confession to make: I am a member of an oppressed ethnic group. First, my people were forced to leave their traditional homeland at gunpoint by the world's mightiest empire. Then, my people were nearly exterminated during the 20th century by an oppressive majority which did not like our language or our culture and did everything in its power to exterminate both.

It is clear that there is only one thing to do regarding this situation: Move to the traditional homeland of our people and engage in ethnic cleansing against all those who are not members of my oppressed ethnic group. They will be forced out of their homes at gunpoint and pushed into the sea (or at least into waiting cargo ships which we will arrange for their transport to other lands).

There are those who say this would be evil. All I have to say is that there are a dozen nations on this world for English-speaking people, but we Cajun French don't have even one nation of our own. I know Canada will be upset when we reclaim Acadia as our home, and will likely send in all five of their soldiers to try to drive us out, and when that fails, refer to our homeland on the map as "Occupied Nova Scotia" rather than its proper name of "Acadia", but for two hundred years we have been the victims of a concerted attempt at genocide including punishing and beating children for speaking our native language, so any action on our part is justified, even the slaughtering of Anglo women and children by our mighty Pirogue tanks and Boudin jet fighters. I know that it will be hard for Anglos to understand when the Evangeline Gang starts blowing up homes and government offices in our promised land of Acadia, but look -- where we are right now is going underwater due to global warming. We need a homeland. And you nasty cockroach Anglos will just have to get out of our way.

-- Badtux the Cajun Penguin

12 comments:

  1. Laissez les bon temps roulet!

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  2. Or, you could just move to any location of your choice in this county and assimilate into its culture. You know, if you can’t win, join them. With all the mixed breeding going on there won’t be much in true blood lines in the future anyway. There won’t be oppressed ethnic groups, just shades of gray, and I think that will be a good thing, stop all this nonsense. And cultures will look completely different. So just relax and go enjoy yourself, I know, knock up someone of a different race. My first wife was half Aleut Indian and half English.

    I’m pretty sure that I’m a mongrel and I have no problem with that, could care less what my blood lines are, and don’t care what anyone else’s are. Just judge people by what they are I say, and get over all that other shit. Not many folk of any color where I live, other than some Native Americans whose land my ancestors took away from them. I know two black guys (whatever they call themselves these days) here, they seem nice enough to me, that is all I care about. Billy B

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  3. Hah, two buckets of mudbugs and a fiddle will stop Cajuns in their tracks every time.

    Acadia won't be above water much longer than Louisiana, you need to look at Colorado.

    Trade up has a lot of meanings.

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  4. But, BBC, we are God's chosen people. He appeared in the form of a burning bush 300 years ago and granted us Acadia as our promised land. No, large quantities of alcohol and a scary lightning bolt had *nothing* to do with this.

    Because God has chosen us as his chosen people, we are thus justified to do whatever it takes to reclaim our Promised Land, including turning the villages of the hated Anglos into rubble and building our own villages on top of them. If you don't agree, you are anti-Cajun and probably want to exterminate us just like the rest of the Anglos.

    -- Badtux the Cajun Penguin

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  5. I guess it's a good analogy. And the whole notion of a "promised land" just sounds so... weird.

    "Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule."
    -- Nietzsche

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  6. Just so long as you don't force us cockroaches to learn to pronounce your names the way you want.

    Will you still keep the fiddle?

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  7. My dear friend, anyone that thinks they are Gods chosen people are just frigging idiots. Why would God chose one peoples over another?

    Or did I get the slant of your blog wrong?

    "If you don't agree, you are anti-Cajun and probably want to exterminate us just like the rest of the Anglos."

    I don't want to exterminate anyone my friend, I just want everyone to live in peace. Do you think Cajun's will be around in five hundred years?

    Do you think county hicks like me will?
    BBC

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  8. Adding to that, I love the Cajun lifestyle, been there, looked at it, you folks are cool. You are French and you think that you are God's choosen? You are fucking with me, right?

    I love the country life style,
    But lets face it, we are history, we are fucked, that is how evolution works. And I think it is a good thing, assuming that the rest of these fucking idiots don't kill us all off we will all be one some day.

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  9. Dear, dear child. I am, of course, making fun of the Israelis. I wonder, have you ever been to the area of Nova Scotia and Newfoundland that was French Acadia? It is wide open spaces, constantly lashed by cold and bitter winds, pounded by incessant Nor'easters when it isn't buried under a ton of snow. To call this area the "promised land" is the ultimate in jokes, much like calling that raggedy piece of rocky desert on the traditional invasion route between Egypt and the Middle East the "promised land" has to have been the result of someone drinking too much fermented camel milk.

    I realize that satire isn't for everybody, but surely when I started talking about the mighty Pirogue tanks and the Evangeline terrorist gang, and linked to the Stern Gang's Wikipedia article, you might have figured out something was amiss? Hmm...

    - Badtux the Satirical Penguin

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  10. Actually, I'm new to your blog, but I do value your humor and think I picked up on it pretty fast.

    I've never been to Nova Scotia, Val-d’Or Quebec is as far that way as I have been. Might be a good place to go if most others don't want it.

    And it's going to start getting warmer there

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  11. As a scion of L'Acadie myself (and one who grew up in the US state that is geographically closest to Nova Scotia and has the second largest Francophone population in the US after Loo-seeanna) I am glad you pointed out the obvious: Acadia sure as hell ain't the purty part of Nova Scotia. It's mostly that area waaaay up in the armpit of the Bay of Fundy that, in addition to the freezing cold and snow and Nor'easters, consists mostly of buggy salt marshes.

    This distinction is important to point out on the internets, lest some of your kin in Loo-seanna and mine in Maine do get in their heads the cockamammie idea of founding their own Promised Land on a snow-covered salt marsh.

    None of which excuses the British for being dicks.

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  12. Teach hockey to the Saints and they might have a winning season.

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