Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I got spam

What is it with all these widows of deceased African dictators who want to give me money? Do they love penguins that much? And then there's the ones promising me a giant penis. My question with that one is, who hunted down the giant and cut off his penis, and why would I want this bloody trophy anyhow? Is there some land somewhere that the Jolly Green Giant and Paul Bunyon and the Jack and the Beanstalk giant are all standing around holding their hands between their legs, moaning in pain because someone took a hatchet to their thang while they slept? Then there's the ones offering to sell me the secret of weight loss. Hmm. "Eat fewer calories than you burn". Yeah, that's a secret apparently, given all the fat slobs I see on the streets, but c'mon, I wouldn't pay more than a nickel for it.

And finally: When my mail server's spam filter is outright rejecting over a thousand of these messages per day, and routing another 150 per day to my spambox because it's not sure, why am I still seeing twenty or more of these per day in my inbox?

Personally, I think all these spammers ought to get the same treatment as the giants they've taken hatchets to for those giant penises that they're selling. But that's just my opinion, y'know?

-- Badtux the Spammed Penguin

PS: One of my aquaintances of the female persuasion says she especially loves the giant penis spam. When I asked her why she wanted a giant penis, did she want it for her fireplace mantel or something, she stared at me for a few minutes then began giggling for some reason she won't tell me... BTW, penguins don't have penises. They have cloaca. Did you know that?


  1. Cloaca: A waste pipe that carries away sewage or surface water.

    According to my dictionary. So how does a Penguin have sex? With his beak? Billy confused.

  2. I always laugh at the ones from "hot chicks" who promise to take good care of my penis.

    Hot chicks don't need to ask for it online.

    You gotta know these "chicks" are either 280lb weightlifting guys, or skanks; why would anyone with half a brain reply to that??

    What we really need is a way to get the people who reply to spam OFF the internets! They're the ones giving the spammers a reason to keep it up.

  3. "...So how does a Penguin have sex?..."

    BBC: with a smile on his face

  4. These Interweb tubings need a good scrubbing.

  5. BBC, if you're interested, go to http://www.google.com and type "penguin sex". You can even see pictures there. Even a video, in one case, of two penguins going after it. The funny thing is that because neither male nor female penguins have external sex organs, you can never be sure whether it's male-on-female, male-on-male, or female-on-female action going on, and in some cases zoos have been shocked to find that what appeared to be happily mated couples were actually both male penguins. That is all I am going to say about the subject of penguin sex here, you will have to look up the actual details yourself :-).

    -Badtux the Sexy Penguin

  6. I get young hot chicks emailing me all the time to meet them. How do they type with their beaks?


  7. Hey, maybe you're on the same mailing list as I am. I've been getting a couple every week, too. I was afraid it was my name, but I guess not. If a Penguin is getting that mail, then I guess an oldwhitelady could get the same type junk. I wonder if people actually fall for those?
    I don't think I've gotten a giant penis email in a month or so. They probably got tired of me emailing them back asking them to send it, now. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - Damn! Sorry, I thought it was funny. I laughed myself sick.

  8. BTW, penguins don't have penises. They have cloaca. Did you know that?

    yes. yes I did.

    somewhere I have a photo of the crumbling remains of the Shrine of Venus Cloacina, Roman goddess of drains and sewers.


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