Thursday, June 01, 2006

Terrorists vow to strike Omaha and Louisville!

Yessiree, terrorists traumatized in their youth by Marlin Perkins have vowed to wipe Omaha, Nebraska off the map! And terrorists in awe of the weapons of mass destruction produced in Louisville have vowed that they will not rest until the factory producing that dastardly instrument that has killed so many round cowhide-clad objects is wiped off the map!

As for New York, the terrorists apparently have decided that New York is, like, so *YESTERDAY*. I mean, c'mon. It's New YORK. Yuck. Who would want to go there?

At least, that's what the news must be, if the current allocation of Homeland Security money accurately reflects the terrorist threat to America. I mean, c'mon, when you see news like this:

WASHINGTON, May 31 — After vowing to steer a greater share of anti-terrorism money to the nation's highest-risk cities, Homeland Security officials today announced grants to New York City and Washington that would be slashed by 40 percent, while dollars headed to spots including Omaha and Louisville, Ky., would surge. ... Ms. Henke, who recently took over the office that distributed anti-terrorism grants, said the relative changes in the grant dollars are based on just the kind of detailed analysis of threat and vulnerability that officials in Washington have been calling for in criticizing past awards.

Yessiree, that must mean that, like, the terrorists have decided screw those liberal New Yorkers, it's time to go after those die-hard heartland Bush supporters and campaign contributors. Oh wait, no, that was the Department of Homeland Security that said that. My bad!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


  1. Well, Louisville has had previous encounters with "terrorism". Back in 1981, they had two miles of streets and sewers exploded:


  2. Thanks for the info. I thought maybe the terrorists were going after Presbyterian headquarters in Louisville and that mail-order steak place in Omaha.


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