Monday, April 21, 2008

Don't tase me, bro!

Well, I saw that keyword in my keywords on the last post, so here we go! So, what's been happening in the wide world of tasers lately, other than cops tasering stray cats and lost Polocks, and random drunks in a bar fight?

Well, y'know, I always wanted to give an electric shock to those obnoxious people who boom and thump through town with their music too loud. The Galvestion P.D. approves. Yay! Too bad I can't call the Galveston P.D. when my downstairs neighbor starts playing Mexipop at full blast downstairs. Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about anybody breaking in to my apartment (they're my "security", or, rather, the various rather thuggish relatives who hang about are, since I've been polite to them and given them a hand from time to time with car problems and such).

A doctor dies of a mysterious seizure disorder that just happens to only happen after he got stunned by a taser. Now, it appears that he was in the midst of a petite mal seizure when the cops stopped him, so the cops pulled him out of his car and, rather than get medical attention for him... well, fuck, they shocked the motherfucking shit out of this motherfucker, fuck yeah! Now, as far as I know a petite mal seizure is not fatal, well, not unless you're getting the shit shocked out of you as you're getting beaten by a bunch of dumb fuck cops who can't tell the difference between someone having a seizure and someone who's just being a stubborn bastard (for the record I can tell the difference, but that is because I once knew someone who both suffered from petite mal seizures and was a stubborn bastard), but what the fuck.

But anyhow, none of those win the Don't Tase Me Bro award for this week. Rather, the winner is... Taser catches man's pants on fire.

Ouch. That hurts where a man lives. If you know what I mean.

-- Badtux the Male Penguin


  1. The best policy seems to be to avoid as many monkeys as you can. And to be a good little monkey yourself because others can and will use whatever means available to them to get you in line.

    Some of them go overboard, but hey, their monkeys.

  2. You ever know anyone with temporal lobe epilepsy? They do weird shit that doesn't necessarily look like a seizure, it's kind of spooky, but I'm not excusing the cops, they should be trained better.

    Temporal lobe seizures
    are characterized by one- to two-minute episodes of loss of awareness or contact with your surroundings. During a temporal lobe seizure, you may smack your lips, swallow repeatedly or pick at things with your fingers. Such activities are called automatisms. After a temporal lobe seizure, you may be confused for a few minutes and may have difficulty speaking. Many people have no memory of the events that occurred during their temporal lobe seizure.

    "Your behavior during a temporal lobe seizure may appear to be deliberate to onlookers. People having these types of seizures have been mistaken for being drunk, taking drugs or having a mental illness."

  3. Yes, that is what I was calling a "petite mal seizure", which was the old name for it 30 years ago. There's a big difference between this kind of seizure and being ornery and contrary. I know that because the person with this kind of seizure was also ornery and contrary, and believe me, it was easy to tell the difference :-).

    -Badtux the Antique Penguin


Ground rules: Comments that consist solely of insults, fact-free talking points, are off-topic, or simply spam the same argument over and over will be deleted. The penguin is the only one allowed to be an ass here. All viewpoints, however, are welcomed, even if I disagree vehemently with you.

WARNING: You are entitled to create your own arguments, but you are NOT entitled to create your own facts. If you spew scientific denialism, or insist that the sky is purple, or otherwise insist that your made-up universe of pink unicorns and cotton candy trees is "real", well -- expect the banhammer.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.