Sunday, December 19, 2010

Quick Hits

  • Michelle Bachmann on the Intelligence Committee is like Shakes the Clown on the Sobriety Committee.
  • Ladies -- skinny jeans might be the latest fashion, but a) if you're fat, don't. Just don't. You look like a sausage stuffed into a too-tight skin. b) If you're over the age of 30, don't. Just don't. You don't look cool, you just look desperate (and part (a) applies here too, most women have accumulated enough muscle and fat by age 30 that they look like a sausage if they try stuffing themselves into these things).
  • The same applies to tights.
  • The exception to the above is East Asian women. For some reason, East Asian women of all ages, even chunky ones, really rock the short skirt, tights and big boots look.
  • Girls -- you look really cute wearing ski caps or baseball caps. Rooowwwrr!
  • Dudes -- you look like either thugs or dorks wearing ski caps or baseball caps. Booooo!
  • There was space to park on the top three decks of the 5-story west parking garage at Valley Fair Mall yesterday, and traffic was heavy but not outrageously so for a Saturday. If the last weekend before Christmas at one of the premier shopping destinations in San Jose looks like just an ordinary Saturday, people expecting retailers to produce huge numbers this Christmas season are smokin' too much crack. Just sayin'.
  • For that matter, even Wal-mart wasn't all that crowded yesterday. Not to mention that their inventory is way down from past years, there's a lot of empty space where there used to be shelves. Folks who say that shoppers are simply going downscale and that's why Valley Fair (an upscale mall) wasn't crowded yesterday are smoking some *especially* nasty crack, yo.
  • Okay, we needed rain, but this past few days has been ridiculous. That "sun" thingy seems to have gone into hiding...
And that's it for now.

-- Badtux the Shopaholic Penguin


  1. Badtux, you have hit it right on the head. I am both over 30 and overweight. Anyone who would even jokingly suggest that I so much as try on skinny jeans would be laughed at so hard they'd be left limp-dicked for a month. Just sayin'.

  2. Badtux, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know how you stumbled across the 'sausage' picture. If you googled "chubby 16-year-old hair stylist" that would be bad enough. Anything else would just be way too wrong on way too many levels.


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