Monday, April 23, 2007

Weeds of Mass Destruction

niCk (Mem Beth) suggests legalizing growing marijuana for your own consumption since it's a victimless crime.

Silly niCK. Marijuana makes you feel good. If it makes you feel good, it must be Satan's handiwork, like dancing and women wearing pants. Worse yet, it's a method of feeling good that doesn't require sending large sums of money to Big Pharma for Happy Happy Pills, since it is literally a weed that you can grow on your own on your back porch. Big Pharma employs hundreds of thousands of people and pays hundreds of millions of dollars of bribe money to politicians every year. So not only would legalizing marijuana be doing Satan's work, but it would also hurt dozens of hard-working legislators who would have to work for a living instead of live off the Big Pharma payroll, it would hurt dozens of millionaire Big Pharma executives who'd lose a few thousand dollars of their bonus money, but most importantly, it'd hurt all the regular working people who work for Big Pharma, who would lose a few cents off their paychecks if Big Pharma could no longer sell Happy Happy Pills by the bucketload.

Knowing all that, I have just one question for you, niCK: Why do you hate America?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


  1. Yeah, I talk about Peace and wanting some accountability in Iraq, also. Death to AmeriKKKa.

    Blackwater? It just sounds evil, doesn't it?

  2. Evil weed!

    If you don't see it on a commercial, and it can't cause and erection that lasts for more than four hours, it certainly can't be good for you.


  3. "If it makes you feel good, it must be Satan's handiwork, like dancing and women wearing pants."

    Funny, it was generally women who weren't wearing pants who made me feel good (though some were certainly Satan's handiwork.)

  4. So, you're basically saying that if we start advertising marijauna on TV that it might have a chance of being legalized?

    Hey, how about this idea. We get some of the new genetic engineers to rework a gene or two in MJ so that by smoking a joint, you get a stiffy. ;-)


  5. Marijauna is bad because it's illegal.Marijauna is illegal because it's bad.

    "Ours is not to wonder why. Ours is just to do or spend a few years in prison." :)

  6. Dave, it can be grown in your back yard along with the dandelions and other weeds. I can't see any way to make money off of marijuana, other than selling the seeds to growers, and that just isn't any profit in that for Big Pharma. Remember, it is our patriotic *duty* as Americans to rip money out of our pockets to buy Happy Happy Pills from Big Pharma. How DARE some people deprive Big Pharma of their God-given right to charge hundreds of dollars per month for happiness!

    - Badtux the Mercantile Penguin

  7. Why stop at Big Pharma? The tobacco and alcohol producers also have a hand in this. And while they may not be concerned with an individual growing a plant or two, the cotton and paper industries are dead set against any commercial use of hemp. There are many large and powerful economic interests willing to do what it takes to prevent individuals from enjoying themselves without paying somebody.

  8. Anonymous #1: Think tight pants. Very tight pants. Satan's handiwork, no?

    - Badtux the Snarky Pentecostal Penguin

  9. Marijuana makes Evil Spock lazy and paranoid. Oh, and it makes Evil Spock fat. That is why weed is illegal, because it makes me crave McDonald's from yesteryear.

  10. Really nice looking plant.


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