Sunday, October 30, 2005

(Un)Intelligent Design

An Intelligent Design Proponent Tries to fix a Car:

Tried to start car.
One cylinder not firing properly.
Removed spark plug from cylinder.
Tried starting car, watched gap.
No spark on plug.
Cleaned contacts.
No spark on plug.

Decided electricity is too complicated to understand and therefore the automobile is a creation of God. Went inside and pondered the possibilities thereof. Decided that theory of automotive repair needs to include option that automobile is incomprehensible and that alternate possibilities of automotive theory need to be taught in auto repair schools all over the country.

Four years later, auto mechanics begin praying over autos rather than fixing them. When dealership owners owners complain and fire the mechanics who believe in Intelligent Design of automobiles, they are hit with religious bigotry lawsuits and picketed by the Christian Coalition and the entire congregations of the local Pentecostal, Southern Baptist, and Assembly of God churches until forced to re-hire the mechanics.

Inoperative motor vehicles start to clog the roads. The Southern Baptist Convention and Christian Coalition call for a day of prayer, asking God to repair the inoperative automobiles. The cars, alas, refuse to be healed via prayer, and the economy collapses because trucks carrying goods can no longer navigate through all the car carcasses.

The Republican Party blames it on liberal Democrats, saying that if liberals had only prayed harder, God would have healed all those cars. The American public nods in unison, and votes for another Republican President.

-- Badtux the Futurist Penguin (with some help from the Internets)


  1. I'm holding you responsible for my spitting coffee on my monitor.

  2. Oh Lord, protect this keyboard from the evil roasted devil of caffeine.

  3. Why that is just plain scary. I could see that happening. With the new SC nominee I am sure going to church on Sundays will somehow become mandatory.


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