Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Definition of a conservative

an american conservative is someone who believes that
  • a) the vatican ought to decide our domestic policy;
  • b) israel ought to decide our foreign policy;
  • c) communist china ought to decide our economic policy; and
  • d) osama bin ladin ought to decide who gets tried in our courts.
Go read the punch line.

Conservatives: People who believe everybody should decide for America except Americans. Alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


  1. Well that's clever, and all. Hate to go all literal on you here, but it's also totally wrong.

    a) Conservatives hate Catholics, who are Papists, not real Christians. The Bible and Jeebus - yup, fer sure. The Vatican? Uh - no.

    b) Israel has a lobby with power way out of proportion to - well, anything you can think of. But decide our foreign policy? Only as regards Israel itself, and then only because it plays such a vital role in the end of days scenario. Our presence and activities in the Middle East are all about Imperialism and OIL.

    c) Fail. http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/24/notes-on-the-dollar-panic/

    d) WTF? Does that make any kind of sense? What am I missing here?

    Really, conservatives are rel 'Merkuns, and don't hold no truck with no fernurs.

    JzB the WTF trombonist

  2. 1. Pat Buchanan is Catholic, as are a number of other prominent conservatives. There are plenty of Catholic conservatives, and while the Protestant conservatives don't like "Papists" in general, they are quite approving of the Catholic Church's positions on women's rights (they be agin' them), abortion (agin' them), gay marriage (agin' them) and so forth.

    2. There's a lot cheaper ways to get Iraq's oil than invading the place. If we'd simply bribed Saddam with even 1/10th of the $1 TRILLION dollars we've spent on the invasion of Iraq, he would have gladly given us anything we wanted. The invasion of Iraq was basically Israel's payback to Saddam for having the audacity to send a battalion of troops to Damascus during the 1973 war that got there *just* in time to push the IDF back to the Golan Heights in disarray when they had been on the verge of capturing Damascus. If they'd captured Damascus and Cairo -- their armies were on the verge of capturing both -- then both Egypt and Syria would have been removed as existential threats, they could have installed their own puppet regimes in both nations. Instead, Israel had to hurriedly rush back to the cease-fire table and negotiate a cease-fire before more Iraqi troops could rush to the front and make another push on to Tel Aviv that probably would have succeeded.

    3. You're talking reality. The right-wingers don't believe in reality, they believe in what Faux Noise tells them. And what Faux Noise tells them is that U.S. fiscal policy should be determined by the Chinese, who, Faux News says, want the U.S. to bring its deficits under control like, well, yesterday.

    4. You're missing the fact that the right-wingers don't want Osama bin Laden's henchmen tried in U.S. courts because it will make Osama bin Laden happy. I.e., they're saying we should allow Osama bin Laden to decide who we try in U.S. courts.

    Hopefully that clarifies pudentilla's snark a bit.

    - Badtux the Snark-appreciatin' Penguin

  3. Oh, I'm all in favor of snark.

    1) I know there are Catholic conservatives. And on a whole array of repressive points, the Papist and the Fundies will agree, because they're all about repression. But I don't think Pat Buchanan, et.al. set a lot of domestic policy.

    2) The cheapness or not of getting oil is not the consideration. Enriching the cronies is what this war is all about. The big oil, the Miliary-Industrial complex and rat bastards like Erik Prince got very fat, and the Saudi Royal family increased their wealth by about $20 trillion. If ShrubCo was cozy with anyone, it was W's hand holding buddy. Note that you and I were impoverished in the process.

    3) You're talking reality.
    Guilty. I admit it.

    4) Yup. I missed that completely.

    JzB the occasionally missing tromboist


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