Wednesday, December 06, 2006

For the record....

I am not a Christian. I am a Tuxologist. As in, a worshipper of the Great Penguin who created the Earth and penguins and lesser animals, participant in the Sacrament of the Herring, and so forth. And furthermore, like most penguins, I'm both black AND white. So when I talk about "good god-fearin' Christian white Americans", well, get your sarcasm meter adjusted if you think I'm talking about myself... I'm a penguin-American, not a meat-and-potatos American!

That is all.

-- Badtux the Black and White Penguin


  1. Right, a Penguin with a Jeep. Might as well be a Christian because you are saying that you don't care if the world goes to hell and the real penguins die off.

    Is there anyone on this fucking planet that I can respect anymore?

  2. Badtux the Good

    Are you a communicant of the Sacrament of the Wine Soaked Herring or that of the Herring in Sour Cream?
    These schisms are important in how we define our striations.

    BBC: A penguin with a jeep is much less important than an appointed president with a brush hook

  3. Martin, I believe you are confused. The Great Schism was between the Rawists, who believe that one must bolt the herring down one's throat whole in the manner of our Lord and Savior the Great Penguin, and the Kipperists, who believe that it is fine to use kippered herring in the Sacrament of the Herring because His holy flipper comes down and transmutes it into raw herring as it makes its way down your throat. The Rawists are undoubtedly the most pure of the Tuxologists, but let's face it, bolting raw herring down one's throat is kinda icky, so they're not so popular nowdays. Think of them as the Orthodox Jews of Tuxology, with all those pesky rules and things, and the Kipperists are more the Reform branch of Judaism.

    There is another branch, the Wholist branch of Tuxology, which states that the Sacrament of the Herring can be accomplished with any food item because it is merely a symbol of our one-ness with the Great Penguin and the universe as a whole, but they are generally considered to be wishy-washy liberal types and disdained by both the Kipperists and the Rawists.

    As for which branch of Tuxology I adhere to, I prefer not to state, because that would appear to be an endorsement of one branch of Tuxology or another, and I do not believe that to be a proper task for this blog.

    As for BBS respecting people, perhaps he should go down to his local school and respect one or more of the teachers that he sees there, for they are doing a thankless job for far too little money and get no respect from anyone at all. Most people worthy of respect are not angels by any means, they are people doing difficult but necessary jobs without which our nation would have no future, and possessed of all the flaws and virtues of any other fallable human being. There was only one perfect human being ever born on this planet, and his peers found him so insufferable that they crucified him.

    - Badtux the Philosophical Penguin

  4. Now I always presumed (I always presume, because you know about the verb "assume" right?) that you were an observant Tuxologist, but then I remembered that you don't keep a kosher ice floe. I well remember your apostasy when you ate pizza - which as you know is treff because it contains flour and milk cheese, not to mention vorgon olive oil. Vorgonity is an abomination.

  5. nice - nice....Tuxologist -- go and make up your own religion -- as if we don't have enough of them in the world - grin!!

  6. Perhaps Tuxology and The Church of Latter Day Evil Spocks should have a meeting some day . . .

  7. azgoddess, if you want a few other nuggets about Tuxology (for example, did you know that Tuxologists believe in evolotion? Well, sorta, anyhow!), clicky click on the "Never Asked Questions" linkity link on the right...

    - Badtux the Religion Penguin

  8. Good detective work, Lurch! Yeah, I think it should be clear by now that I'm not a Rawist (Orthodox) Tuxologist, since I don't adhere strictly to the dietary laws. Still, I don't think it is my place to say that one branch of Tuxology or another is the One True Religion. That would make me no better than those [shudder] CHRISTIANS...

    - Badtux the Tolerant Penguin

  9. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and we'll need more oil for new thirty inch tires and poor fuel mileage for a once a year trip. Blah, blah, blah, I now pronounce you as crazy as everyone else on this planet.

    Oh well, I will drive less to try to make up for it. Your religion seems to have changed, and not for the better I think. Argh!!!!

  10. I yield to the mighty ordure of the Great Penguin's left flipper as wielded by the bishopsfulness of Badtux.
    For why wouldn't we all be equal and the same?

    (bishop -- a hot rum punch very appropriate to the season. Best warmed with a red hot poker.)

  11. Martin, your little ditty about the bishop reminds me of a bit in one of H H Kirst's books wherein one character, a retired general from the Kaiserliche Army described a drink called the "church window" which was composed of equal parts of champagne, a red wine, and arrack, I think. The liquors were added slowly and carefully, so as to make layers - the different colors hinting at a stained glass window. Is it any wonder they lost both the war and the peace?

  12. Way cool.


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