Friday, March 05, 2010

Terror Alert to Orange!

Due to the concerted freakout of extremists from both left and right over what is a moderate tweak to the current system of providing health insurance, Congressman Boehner's Terror Alert Skin Set To Orange. All paper lunch bags will be searched at the entrance to all government buildings, and blown up if it is found that someone wrapped their croissant in tin foil rather than wax paper (can't trust those French, y'know? Besides, what if they turned the tin foil into a beanie to stop the government mind control rays?!). Moderation will resume at some point in the next two years after the left wing and right wing extremists see the new health care program does not actually render Grannie into cat food and Junior into puppy chow, unless they find some other issue to be stupid about.

This has been a terror alert from the Penguin Broadcasting Network. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill. Beware of left-wing extremists and right-wing extremists trading shots with each other over misreadings of proposed legislation, and maintain your Shields of Skepticism at full power, for the enemies of moderation have their phasers set on kill, not on stun.

That is all.

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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