Thursday, January 24, 2008

Inbred cretins insist they saw UFO

Sigh. Even the U.S. Air Force saying that uhm, no, they had ten F-16's in the area on exercises, doesn't shut up the inbred cretins. Said cretins then say, "but what were those lights in the sky doing strange things that the jets were never catching up to?" Uhm, those are called *flares*, people. They're big bright shiny things that are big and bright and shiny and move at a different speed from the jet that fired'em off because, duh, they're supposed to be misleading enemy missiles into attacking the flare instead of the jet.

Then the kicker, "why did the military change its story?" Excuse me? There is no "the military". The stupid morons contacted the U.S. Air Force Reserve office, which quite properly said "We didn't have any fighter jets on maneuvers that day." Duh, jets were USAF active duty jets, not USAF Reserve jets. Completely different chain of command, and they don't talk. You might as well ask the janitor whether the USAF had jets on maneuver that day, the janitor probably knows more about it. Then they contacted the U.S. Naval Air Station. Excuse me, but the USN doesn't talk to the USAF, and the USAF Reserve is in a different chain of command from the USAF, and the Air National Guard doesn't talk to any of the above, and none of these people normally talk to each other unless they're in a combat zone under a zone commander. "the military" is not a monolith, it's a bunch of competing bureaucracies each fighting each other for the money and fame.

So if you ask the U.S. Navy whether the U.S. Air Force is holding maneuvers, they'll look at you like you're a martian and say "Uh, not as far as we know." Which is absolute truth. It's not a lie. They don't know. Because the USAF doesn't talk to them. If you want to know what the USAF is doing, you talk to the friggin' USAF. Not the Air Force Reserve. Not the U.S. Navy. Not the janitor, not the State Police, not the guy down at the service station who always seems to have a lit cigarette between his lips while he's pumping gas. Duh. Why is that such a hard thing for these inbred cretins to figure out? And why, oh why, am I not surprised that these inbred cretins are in (duh) TEXAS?!

- Badtux the Military Penguin

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