Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Kansas school board oppresses religion

I applaud the Kansas School Board for spending thousands of dollars on "hearings" about evolution. After all, everybody knows that science is supposed to be decided by politicians based on what's most popular, not by them dome-head scientists with their nut-ball ideas like "empirical evidence" and "experimental results" and "peer reviewed journals". Similarly, everybody knows that it is government's job, not parents', to teach their children about religion.

Once the Kansas school board gets finished putting them fruity biological scientists in their place, I have another screwy dome-head theory for them to take on. Now, these geographers, they keep saying that the world is ROUND. Why, that's just nuts. If the world was round, the only place we could stand up straight would be at the North Pole, and we'd all slide off the sides and fall through space for eternity!

I insist -- nay DEMAND -- that my religion's view of geography be taught in the Kansas schools. We can convene hearings immediately after them Satanic biologists is sent packin'! See, we Tuxologists believe that the world is a flat disk carried on the backs of four elephants facing in the directions of the compass, all of whom are standing upon the back of Great A'Tuin the World Turtle as he swims through the sea of stars. Those silly Geography teachers with their silly notion that the world is a BALL are, well, DEMENTED! I am sure that the results of our hearings will be that the geography teachers will be required to teach the flaws of the round-earth theory, such as that everybody would fall off the sides if they were at the equator or have to stand at a really strange angle to keep from sliding off if they were further north like here in America. We Tuxologists demand equal time!

So remember: Either you support the Kansas School Board giving equal time to Tuxology's theory that the world is a flat disc, or you're, you're, a LIBERAL DOODY-HEAD and ANTI-AMERICAN!

- Badtux the Tuxologist Penguin

* Tuxology: The Religion of Sartorial and Digestive Excellence via Applied Herring Technology. Fear the Penguins!


  1. The sad part is, if the IDiots had their way, tuxology would actually stand a chance at being taught in class...

  2. I guess those yo-yos haven't learned their lesson from the first time around. When the fundies got control of the state board of education, they said that evolution is only a theory (never mind that gravity is also "only a theory"), & if schools teach the theory of evolution, they must also teach competing theories - creationism, ID. The sheeple of Kansas yawned at the declaration. Then some of the prestigious colleges spoke up. They said that they would have to downgrade any college application from a Kansas student, because they didn't receive a well-rounded science education. THEN the sheeple woke up, because the silly declaration would affect their spawn. They tossed the fundies out of the state board of education in the next election. It now looks like a few of the fundies snuck back in. Just remember: creation = religion, evolution = science
    BTW, I read somewheres a great take-down of ID. "To mould science to fit religious dogma is a sin."


Ground rules: Comments that consist solely of insults, fact-free talking points, are off-topic, or simply spam the same argument over and over will be deleted. The penguin is the only one allowed to be an ass here. All viewpoints, however, are welcomed, even if I disagree vehemently with you.

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