Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Just another day in the GOP...

Newt "The Lizard" Gingrich claims he's not a Washington insider despite, err, having been 3rd in line for the Presidency for much of the 1990's and lived in Washington and worked as a Washington lobbyist ever since. If he's not an insider, I'm a seagull. (Hmm, checks for wings... nope. No wings. Guess not). Newty Newt continues to go down ever since he basically read the polls, saw that eliminating Medicare and replacing it with a voucher program was a non-starter with the American people, and made a statement to that effect on national TV. That makes him a non-starter only to drooling Randian zombies and lizard people who rub their hands together with glee over the thought of sending all those unseemly OLD people to the ice floes for the crime of, well, getting old. Unfortunate for Newtie, drooling Randian zombies muttering "Brraaaaaains.... BRAAAAAiiiiiins...." under their breath are the Republican "base" right now, led by a contingent of cold-blooded lizard people whose compassion for humanity got left on Planet Sociopath. Newtie may be one of the latter, but he can't seem to make the Randian zombies like him, so I think he's toast.

Meanwhile, Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum takes a break from obsessing about man-on-dog sex (what kind of person obsesses about man-on-dog sex, I ask you?), and, based upon his extensive experience (having watched *EVERY* episode of "24"!), proceeds to lecture John McCain about how John McCain doesn't know anything about torture despite, err, actually having been tortured by the North Vietnamese. Err... yeah. Okay. Pull the other flipper, why doncha?

The situation is so dire that Rick Perry's hair and Jeb Bush have both been mentioned as possibilities that could be drafted to run for the GOP nomination, despite the disadvantage of being closely related to Texas Gov. Rick Perry and George W. Bush (respectively). I doubt Rick Perry's hair is going to run because the questions of "where's the birth certificate?" would get annoying. The notion of Jeb Bush running for President despite being the brother of the most-reviled President of the past 30 years is worthy of laughs and giggles, but not much more -- Jeb's no teabagger, his candidate for Floriduh governor lost to a teabagger, so that pretty much disqualifies him all by himself. In short, like Huckleberry, he just ain't crazy enough to be a Republican candidate this election season...

Saw Ted Nugent's performance with Huckleberry on Huckster's Fox show. The Nuge looked *really* deranged there. As in, had the same expression on his face as Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" when Jack axes the door, sticks his head through, and says "Here's Johnny!". Eeep!

The fact that this is the cream of the Republican crop says... err. Nevermind. It doesn't say anything. I mean, spittle-flecked frothing at the mouth might be communicating something, but it's not saying something, kapiche?

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


  1. "what kind of person obsesses about man-on-dog sex, I ask you?"

    Well over a thousand times in the past two decades, I've engaged in (ahem) man-on-DOGGEREL...

    Fortunately, that's not been part of my sex life.

  2. Jaib! Bush! will be drafted at the last minute -- after the Teebaggamook who's chosen does something totally self-desructive. Jaib!'s winning slogan: "Vote for Bush! Piss off a liberal!" Because that's all "the base" actually cares about. Even at the expense of cutting off their own noses to spite.

  3. Bukko, the non-crazy Repubs already have Mittens, they don't need Jaib! to hold the establishment candidate spot.

    My suspicion is that Mad Michelle Bachman (R-Loony Toons) is gonna be the candidate, unless she gets caught having sex with a dead boy or a live girl. We'll see.

    Steve: doggerel decidedly makes for a poorer sex life than the menagerie that the GOP has had sex with over the past few decades, from horses to goats to dogs to box turtles. I swear, the GOP has more kinks than Jimi Hendrix's Afro...

    - Badtux the Snarky Penguin


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