Sunday, July 11, 2010

Chase Bank is a bunch of dumbasses

I went on their web site to change my contact information, since I've moved. I noticed that they had a couple of telephone numbers for my "Home" and "Office" numbers that I've never heard of, and besides, I only have a cell phone -- I don't have a "home" or "office" phone number, those are relics of the same sort of era that fax machines and telephone booths belong to. I mean, doesn't *everybody* do everything communication-wise via their cell phone and the Internet nowdays?

So anyhow, I went to remove my home and office numbers and... it wouldn't let me. That's right, these primitive peanut-brained dinosaurs simply cannot conceive of someone *only* having a cell phone number!

So anyhow, I did fill in home and office numbers --- the 1-800 numbers on the back of the Chase Mastercard statement for calling with questions about your bill. And... they accepted those numbers! What a bunch of old fogey dumbasses.... dudes. It's the fucking TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY now. Not the 19th century. Not the 20th century. The TWENTY-FIRST century. *NOBODY* has home and office phone numbers nowdays. Crap, these morons are so stuck in the past they probably even look up phone numbers in ACTUAL PAPER PHONE DIRECTORIES, rather than simply typing a quick query into Google and having the number pop up immediately! Sheesh, what a buncha stuck-in-the-past dumbasses...

-- Badtux the Head-shakin' Penguin


  1. I wouldn't be surprised if their back end stuff is still written in COBOL.

  2. BT, you are a hopeless old fogey. The REALLY-technically-with-it crowd have messages beamed directly into the brain ("apply to the brain"?). One of the many advances brought to us by Wayne Enterprises.

  3. Terrant, lol.


    Um who owns Chase these days? I'm sure that not much info from people who actually work with people actually climbs into the corner offices where management lives. Hey wait a minute, isn't the "corner office some limousine stuck in traffic these days?

    Hmmm, the place where decisions are made must be somewhere else....where, I wonder?

  4. Chase is owned by Chase. And they are seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY incompetent. When I was shopping for home loans, Wells Fargo a) contacted me immediately when I contacted them about a home loan, and b) quickly verified my information and approved my loan. Chase took *days* to do anything, and never did do any kind of preapproval... all they would do is a "prequalification", which is utterly useless in today's real estate market.

    If you are using Chase for anything, RUN AWAY! Only reason I have any dealings at all with them is a $4,000 credit card bill. I'm going to just pay it off and be done with these incompetent dumbasses.

    - Badtux the Finance Penguin

  5. My daughter likes them. I tried to reason with her to no avail. *sigh* She's not ready to finance anything yet, so no worries. Congrats on the house :)

  6. Tux, why not just put the cell # in all three slots? They get the correct # and now they have no excuse for not contacting you when something goes very wrong, and you know it will.

  7. I tried that. Their web UI wouldn't let me, said I needed three different phone numbers. Screw it, if they need to contact me, they'll just have to send me mail like civilized people.

    - Badtux the Incompetence-hating Penguin

  8. Nunya, I didn't buy the house. Housing market was too weird, and I got spooked by things at work. But if I had bought the house, Wells Fargo woulda gotten my business, because they were responsive and competent.

    - Badtux the Finance Penguin

  9. Funny, when I was looking to refi about 4 months ago, Wells, couldn't have been less clueful. As in, don't know the rates, can't tell me what the costs are etc. without "getting back to me"

    3 days later. To tell me that I probably wouldn't qualify. But I could apply ($250 non-refundable fee) if I wanted to.

    But Chase is clearly worse. We bank there until we can decide where we would rather be (probably a credit union). They've told me several times that they are primarily a business bank, while simultaneously saying that they are a consumer's best bet.

    Just weird.

  10. Refi is a different department from loan origination, and refi right now is a problem regardless of your bank because the majority of homes won't appraise out.

    I agree about the credit unions being a better deal by and large, but not on mortgages. Believe me, I checked. My own credit union won't even originate mortgages anymore, too many losses in that line of business and the resale market has basically disappeared so they'd have to carry the mortgages on their balance sheet rather than being able to sell it to a CDO bundler. They just aren't interested.

    - Badtux the Banking Penguin

  11. I don't have a cell phone. Fuck that noise! No way I'm paying for the dubious privilege of carrying a GPS tracking device on me, and letting people interrupt me at every second, no matter where I am. And I've got office numbers out the wazoo at work.

    Lest you think I'm a BBC-level fogey, though, I have Skype and do video calls with friends in other countries for free. But cellphones? Meh.

    FWIW, all banks suck. I could tell you tales about ANZ and Commonwealth in Oz, and assholery in Vancouver, plus our hatred for BofA, FartCo (although they still have our business) and the like. Banks are necessary, so they feel free to be evil.

  12. Oh my, cell phones suck for phone calls. They may be great for playing games and cruising the internet and racking up huge bills while the voicemail for the person you are calling slowly tells you what number you dialed, and then in great detail tells you just exactly how you can leave a message. They make millions in time charges this way.

    The call quality on cell phones is on a par with Aunt Bee's crank telephone.

    No thanks.

    I have one for emergencies but half the time my calls are so awful either I or the other person are constantly saying "can you repeat that?".

    Having just gotten back from Europe where they have actual 21st century cell phone service, even in Romania, I can only hope we actually get something similar here in the old world...

    Yeah, they may work great in cities but forget it if you live somewhere even marginally rural.

    And don't even get me started on the disaster that is the iPhone4...


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