I see stupid people riding motorcycles while wearing flip-flops and wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Now, I wear full armored gear when I ride my motorcycle. I'd tell you why I wear full armored gear, but you'd probably vomit. Let's just say that there was a time that I did not wear full armored gear, and look up the term "debride" and note that I am missing a chunk out of my foot and some skin off my leg and my wrist does a damned good job of predicting the weather, and also note that I would not be here if I hadn't been wearing a helmet at the time (even with the helmet I had a concussion and the coolest hallucinations I'll never remember, without it my head woulda been split like a watermelon).
So anyhow, I see stupid people. Now, seeing stupid people, you might say, "why don't we mandate that these stupid people wear safety gear?" But me, I have a better idea.
See, there's just a ton of stupid people in this nation. I turn on the news, there's stupid people. I read the newspaper, there's stupid people. I troll right-wing blogs, there's stupid people. (Well, I don't bother trolling right-wing blogs since they just delete my comments and me, but there's certainly no shortage of stupid people there). All these stupid people are continually whining about the consequences of their own actions and refusing to take responsibility for their own actions. For example, the stupid people driving Hummers are always whining about how filling their gas tank now costs $100. Oh waaahh! That's what you get for being stupid and buying a gas guzzler, asshole!
Now, one thing that has occurred to me is this: Wouldn't this be a better nation if there was less stupid people? So here's my idea. We should allow people to ride motorcycles without helmets. But only if they agree to a contract that if they're permanently disabled because they weren't wearing safety gear when they crashed their motorcycle, then they immediately get put down like a lame horse instead of hanging around sucking on the Social Security Disability teat (i.e., *my* money) like one of Ronald Reagan's fictitious welfare whores except for real. And then comes the next part of my plan for dealing with stupid people.... Free motorcycles to all right-wing bloggers and commenters on right-wing blogs as long as they sign the above contract! Now, being stupid people, they won't wear safety gear while riding their motorcycles. And, being stupid people, they will crash their motorcycles (because stupid people do stupid things, duh!). And glory hallaleujah, shortly thereafter we shall have less stupid people, and a better nation.
Of course, the hard part is funding for all those motorcycles for all those stupid people. As any of us who have attempted to write idiot-proof software can attest, the world keeps evolving bigger and better idiots to defeat our "idiot-proof" software. But look, that's just a minor detail, okay? C'mon, doncha agree that this would be, like, the bestest ideah evah?!
-- Badtux the Misanthropic Penguin
and can we get all the commenters and writers on Lucianne.com FIRST --- all on these motorcycles
ReplyDeleteI used to live where bikes could be used for eleven months out of the year. One person rode until the ice, not snow, kept them off the public roads. They rode with major safety gear and never took chances. They told me that only an idiot would argue as the physics were always in favor of Granny Gooch and her DoofusMobile. Funny thing, this person still rides.
ReplyDeleteMold
valid organ donor cards would be a vital addition to the contract.
ReplyDeletethat way, as they exercise their right to be dumbasses, they will be giving a chance at life to people who really want to live.
i have friends on the waiting lists, on account of being a musician most of them are waiting for livers.
Hey watch those comments about rightwing bloggers please. My rightwing blog not only doesn't erase comments, we have you in the blogroll.
ReplyDeleteNate, obviously you're one of those who would wear full safety gear while riding your free motorcycle. Congratulations :-).
ReplyDeleteMB: Good point on the organ donor card. This post was riffed off after a long ride on my motorcycle yesterday where I saw far too many people riding in t-shirt and shorts and flip-flops, generally weaving in and out of traffic and splitting lanes and stuff (splitting lanes is legal here in California but it's still dangerous as hell), so I was riffing in the heat of the moment.
Mold - I know someone who rides all year 'round -- in Pittsburg PA. He rides a KLR-650 and when there's ice on the roads, he puts studded tires on his bike (they're standard Dunlop D606 knobbies with a metal stud in every other knob). I've seen a picture of him with his beard looking like a giant icicle. I think I'll stay someplace much warmer, thank you very much!
Dcap: Not Clownhall? Sheesh!
May have other news on the motorcycle front tomorrow. My KLR is a great bike but lacks modern safety equipment like ABS brakes. Hmm...
why do u make me laugh so hard. LOL and y does your response to nate make me laugh even harder. I wrote about hume and kant today
ReplyDeleteBeing a gentler soul, and having looked at your blog more than once I would like to say that all left and right wings need to flap together (in sync) to lift that big bad middle of the bird. That being said, I do think everyone should do their responsible best to be better than yesterday, and wearing proper gear works for me. Hawaii allows motorcycles without helmets but not skateboarders - hmm, wonder why that is? Probably bad government.
ReplyDeleteThe only trouble with your system is that the family members of the splattered stupid people, and the stupid ones themselves if the brain damage isn't too bad, will get all narky about fulfilling their end of the contract. I've had it happen many times in hospital -- people who SHOULD die, not just because they deserve it, but because their conditions are irreparable, have people who literally fight for more treatment.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many circumstances for such contracts, too. Smokers, IV drug users, people who eat more than one of those Hardee's massive bacon-cheeseburgers a month... All of them should live (and die) with the risks they choose. Do I sound too much like a granola-eating glibertarian?
If the U.S. goes with your suggestion, which is a good one, there would first need to be a change in societal ethics. People would have to wrap their heads around the fact that, yes, you are expendable. When you get hurt bad, you die like a Kentucky Derby horse. But hey, with the lack of health care for most Americans, and their jobs being shipped to China, and military vets being left to rot as homeless people in Golden Gate Park, that's already becoming the norm...
For a perfect example of what badtux means, watch one of Gary Bussey's older movies -- like "The Buddy Holly Story" and compare it with Bussey today. I saw him last week on The Smoking Gun... Gawd, AMAZING what brain damage can do!
ReplyDelete