Dear Mr. Penguin: My sister is a housecleaning fiend and gets out of town relatives visiting all the time. Yet I live in the same city and never get out-of-town visitors. Do you think I would get more visitors if I cleaned house? -- Signed, Not-too-neat.
Dear Not-too-neat: Ask yourself these questions:
- Have you forgotten what color your carpets are due to the collection of pizza boxes, old bills, newspapers, books, and other assorted rubbish that covers them?
- Does your dog refuse to drink out of the toilet because it's so filthy?
- Are Mississippi gas station lavatories cleaner than yours?
- Has the pile of dirty dishes in your sink bred a new species?
- When you open your refrigerator, do molds the size of housecats snap at you and drive you away?
- Was your cat's litter box last cleaned when Clinton was President, leading to a rather interesting aroma?
- Are your bed sheets brown, even though they originally started off as blue?
- Does the mildew in your bathtub open its eyes and watch you shower?
-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
On the flip side, you don't have to entertain those who don't arrive. ;)
ReplyDeleteSo, my strategy for keeping people away is working . . .!
ReplyDeleteMy wife is Polish. None of this is operational.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
JzB the traveling trombonist
I think Not-so-neat is a bachelor, JzB. Are you saying that your wife is a cleaning fiend? Or that neither she nor her relatives would notice that they can't see the carpet through the piles of dirty clothes, pizza boxes, and fast food wrappers? :).
ReplyDelete- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
The lovely wife is a cleaning enthusiast. I don't think fiend captures quite the right image.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
JzB
Hmm, JzB. I guess she left the horns to you, eh?
ReplyDelete-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin