As you know, all the real Christians got raptured an hour or so ago. So now it's the Time of Tribulations, where all us heathen who didn't float into the sky like balloons are going to experience a time of horror and tribulation. And it's already started for me. Why, I just walked out of Bed Bath And Beyond and found... a flat tire! Yes, a flat tire, with a gigantic screw in its tread! The horror, oh the horror!
And so, to console myself that I was not amongst the half-dozen true Christians who were raptured today, I now am eating a large pastrami sandwich. On rye. With pepperjack cheese (fresh sliced off a big hunk of cheese), dill pickle slices, jalapeno slices, and salad. Yum.
-- Badtux the Trembling-in-terror Penguin
You may not have gotten "Raptured", but at least you got screwed with out having to give any face time. LOL
ReplyDeleteMr. Tux, sir...
ReplyDeleteIf you'd added some squeezed out sauerkraut and some 1000 Islands dressing to that beauty, you'd have invented the California Reuben.
Give it a try, eh?
Bruce Berberich
Greenville, NC
Oh, hey... I love you man... in a manly way of course!
Yes, Dave, I certainly got "screwed". That tire is 11 inches wide. Which makes that screwhead almost half an inch wide, and the screw itself is about a quarter inch. Or about the size of a pencil, or of a Republican penis. Not that I'd know first-hand, other than from watching all the Republican dick-swingin' from afar...
ReplyDeleteSweetie, I cannot stand Thousand Islands dressing. It is an abomination upon the Great Penguin. If I had some sauerkraut it would likely have gone onto the sandwich, but alas, due to all the rapturing going on I forgot it when I went shopping. That was why I put the salad on the sandwich instead.
-- Badtux the Non-rapturing Penguin
My Fiero used to just suck up any metal object on the road when I lived in Florida. It had wide tires (it was the GT model) but they weren't super-size or anything. I lost three tires, two to sidewall punctures that could not be patched. Never had that much grief with any car before or since.
ReplyDeleteDave, I'm going to have the tire store check out whether any belts are broken, but if not, this will plug right up. B.F. Goodrich offroad tires are *tough*. In fact, the only way I knew it was flat was that it bulged a little bit more than usual -- BFG's have three-ply sidewalls that are very stiff, you can pretty much run them with no air in them and they'll still work (been there, done that, don't go over 25mph and it was a bit squishy but no harm to the tire).
ReplyDelete- Badtux the Tribulated Penguin
Rapture, hell. This is your punishment for going to Bed Bath and Beyond.
ReplyDelete(Unless you had female companionship, in which case -- yeah!)
Cheers!
JzB
Geez, yesterday was the rapture for one of my wife's tires. And my stepdaughter said she saw lots of blowouts and flats when she was on the highway.
ReplyDeleteTire rapture! Baby Goodyear was punctured for your sins!