Friday Cat Killer Blogging

Howdy, Bubba the Southern Penguin here, with Friday Cat Killer Bloggin' starring Senator Bill Frist! Sorry I didn't get 'roundbouts here last week, see, I was barbecuing the week before, and Darlene just *INSISTED* on grillin' some vegetables. Imagine that, grilling VEGETABLES! On the same barbecue grill that I GRILL MY RIBS ON! Why, I taught her a lesson that she'll NEVER forget, yessiree! Anyhow, once I got out of the hospital yesterday, well, ah, err... look, when she fed my ribs to my ole' hound dog Trigger, why, I just HAD to, uhm, well, I guess I sorta tripped over the grill, ah, uhm...

So what's our Doctor Mengele of the cat world been up to lately? Why, settin' up to go NOO-clear. KaBOOOM! Yeah Billy boy, show them thare LIE-berals just how big of girly-men they really is! So today, our buddy Bill got his pal John Cornyn to pull himself away from admiring box turtles in order to to fire off the trigger of the noo-CLEAR option. Those Democrat wimps, meanwhile, whine that this is breaking the rules and illegal besides. Oh boo hoo! Don't you wimpy LIE-berals get it yet? Rules are for losers, and laws are only for Democrats! Look, we'uns is on top, and you losers are on the bottom, and we gonna make you wimps squeal like a pig, and there ain't nothin' that you'uns can do about it, bwhwhahahahaha!

Meanwhile, at home I went to the theater the other day and was talkin' with Darlene about how that thare LIE-beral media was a'lyin' about our glorious victories in EYE-rack, and then these two stupid dudes interrupted me and said I was wrong, that EYE-rack was a mess and the insurgents were winning and they knew this because they were soldiers on leave from Iraq and they had just got back from six months over there. I told'em they didn't know what they was talkin' about, 'cause we'uns back here got Fox News and they tells us lots more than soldiers learn over there in EYE-rack! Then one of these stupid dudes says yeah sure, I know better than people's that was over there, of course I do, I'm a good Republican who watches Fox News and listen to Rush Limbaugh so I know LOTS more than soldiers who, like, are actually fighting, about what's going on in EYE-rack! Finally, one of these losers says to me if I think things are so good in EYE-rack, why isn't I volunteering? Oh puh-LEEZE. You can't get the NASCAR Channel in EYE-rack! Besides, I is needed here at home to, like, make sure the guys over there gots plenty of, well, err, well, look, cars need their oils changed! Yessiree, my job down thare at the Quicky Loob is, like, VITAL TO THE NATIONAL SECURITY, if I ain't down thare changin' folks' oil, why, their cars will all die and our whole economy will collapse!

Besides, my lovable Darlene is just so great a lady, shorely I couldn't leave her to go over there to EYE-rack? Why, if I stick around for another six weeks or so, she may even let me, err, do my husbandly duty, well, after the cast comes off anyhow. By the way, who was this John Wayne Bobbit dude that Darlene's been talkin' about? She sez I'm 'bout to be just as manly as him, see, if I keep on like I is, and while "John Wayne" surely is a manly name, "Bobbit"... well, ain't that the kinda name that one of them pukey damnyankees would have?! But anyhow, I'm glad that Darlene appreciates my manliness, and I'm sure she'll let me sleep on my bed instead of the couch pretty soon!

-- Bubba the Southern Penguin