New Bush ambassador to UN doesn't believe UN exists

Yessiree, our brave leader has surpassed himself yet again, by selecting John Bolton, who famously stated that the United Nations does not exist, as our new ambassador to the United Nations. Since Mr. Bolton apparently believes that the United Nations has about as much reality as the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus, it's clear that he's going to be highly effective at, uhm, being ambassador to the Easter Bunny. And since he's being nominated to be ambassador to an organization he believes doesn't exist, surely he will be committing fraud if he accepts a paycheck to be ambassador to an imaginary organization?

But then, this isn't the first time that Mr. Bolton has been nominated to pretend something doesn't exist. During Iran-Contra, his job within the Reagan Administration was to pretend that the Contra drug dealers weren't actually importing cocaine by the ton on the same planes that were hauling guns back to Hondurus for the Contras. Then while employed by the Bush Sr. administration, he was paid by the Taiwanese to propose that the United States give Taiwan a seat in the United Nations as an independent country.

Let's see, other things that Mr. Bolton doesn't believe in:

1. Diplomacy. Diplomacy is for wimps. He called the leader of North Korea an "insane tyrant" in a meeting with the North Koreans about their nuclear weapons program. The North Koreans walked out. He showed them the finger as they walked out.
2. Treaties. Mr. Bolton doesn't believe in treaties. For example, when a bio-weapons treaty was being hammered out, he sabatoged the meeting and made sure that bio-weapons remained legal.
3. Population control. Apparently John Bolton believes it is our God-given duty to reproduce as often as possible.
4. The environment. There is no such thing, he says... it doesn't matter whether the world is turned into a poisoned radiative wasteland or what, just as long as multinational corporations can make a profit while doing it.

So what does John Bolton believe in? Well:

1. Imaginary bio-weapons in Cuba. Apparently he thinks the impoverished embargoed Cuban government has spare money for making bioweapons?
2. Guns for everybody. He showed up at a UN arms control conference with representatives from the NRA, who were there to make sure that nothing short of a nuclear weapon was banned.
3. Nuke'em 'till they glow. He says the U.S. has the right to nuke anybody it feels like nuking, whether or not they're a threat to the United States, whether or not they used some banned weapon first.

So let's get this straight: John Bolton's notion of diplomacy is to nuke'em 'till they glow. His notion of treaties is that they're a bad idea. His notion of the United Nation is that it doesn't exist.

Bush's conclusion? A PERFECT United Nations ambassador! Yessiree, it's clear that Mr. Bolton is going to be highly effective as ambassador to the Easter Bunny (which he apparently believes has as much reality as the United Nations)... and hey look, we save money as a nation too, since obviously Mr. Bolton isn't going to accept a salary to be ambassador to an imaginary entity! Truly an inspired choice by Mr. Bush!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin