So now we hear that the enlistment age is being raised to 39 years of age due to enlistment shortfalls.
It is unlikely, however, that the members of the fearsome 101st Fighting Keyboarders such as Jonah Goldberg will hurry forth to enlist, meaning that even more drastic measures will need to be taken. Thus my new proposal, which will both solve the enlistment crisis and insure the future solvency of both Social Security and Medicare:
Require military service in order to receive Social Security benefits!
Walkers and hearing aids will be provided to our brave new fighting forces, and the enemy will die (laughing) at the very sight of our new legions as they shuffle into battle in the uniform of the 101st Fighting Geriatrics -- bathrobes and fuzzy slippers. But hey, a M-16 doesn't care how old the person pulling the trigger is! Oh sure, old eyes aren't as sharp as young ones, but look, modern scope technology helps a lot with that. As for reflexes, sure, their reflexes suck, but they counter that with wisdom! Well, there's the problem of old fingers being trembly and maybe pulling the trigger too often, but hey, that's a problem with young soldiers too, so what's the big deal?
I think it is clear that the future of our nation and victory in Iraq both depend on it! So I urge you, call your Congressman today, and urge him that, since it is obvious that recruiting requirements cannot be met in any other way, we should up the maximum age to 75 and require anybody between ages 61 and 75 to join the Army in order to get Social Security!
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
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