Them pesky brown peoples

Howdy, Bubba the Suthern Penguin here, from Cootieville, Tennessee! Yeah, I know I ain't been 'round here lately, Darlene toook my computer access away 'cause I was viewin' some of them beaver pics on the Internets, and I ain't talkin' critters, understand? I tole her I was just seein' what we needed to protect our chilluns from, but she just tole me that if I kept it up, we wuzn't havin' no chilluns. Then there was that little expedition that me and my ole' cat-killin' buddy Bill Frist took down to Florida to help this little museum with their little cat problem, but nevermind that. It's too embarrassing. Did you know that ole' Earnest Hemingway had GUNS? And that the museum caretaker even keeps a couple of them LOADED? And that in Florida, you can shoot anybody ya wants on yer property?! Like the doc said when he wuz pickin' the birdshot out of my behind, "that didn't work out so well."

Anyhow, some of you'uns is wonderin' why us good God-fearin' patriotic red-state Americans hate them brown peoples so much. Well, lemme tell you why. It's cuz they set such a bad example. Like, my cousin Badtux from over there in Satanland sent me this here link to a developer out there in Kah-lee-for-nee-ah who is puttin' up this shoppin' center called Vietnam Town. This here developer came over here from Vietnam as a refugee with nuthin' but the clothes on his back, not speakin' the language or nuthin' (not like us patriotic red-state Americans who speak English tha way it s'pozed to be spoke), and he worked as a janitor in a high school, and now what is this ungrateful brown person doin? Why, by working 25 hours a day he's worked hisself up to bein' a big-shot real estate developer, who now can build his dream shopping center! How DARE this pesky brown person take away jobs from good intelligent white folks like myself by doing them un-American things like studyin', workin' hard, and doin' things for his community!

And them Messicans. Now, we got us a big Messican problem here in Cootieville. They done took most of the jobs at the local renderin' plant. Why, even my darlin' Darlene got fired from there! Why, everbody knows that all you wants to render is a dozen chickens an hour else them thare foremens will s'ect you ta do more, but them Messicans, they come in, and they work their little brown hands to the bone, renderin' DOZENS of chickens per hour! How DARE they work harder than good God-fearin' Americans and take our jobs!

And the churches on Sunday. Why, ever single one of them goes to one of them heathen Papist churches on Sunday. I swear, they might as well rename "Our Lady of Sacred Perdition Catholic Church" to be "Little Mexico Catholic Church"! Don't they know it's us white folks who iz spozed ta be the god'fearin' ones? 'Course, since they is worshippin' them thare statues in that heathen Papist church, I guess they ain't so god-fearin', but still, they make us good God'fearin' Americans who skip church during football season look like slackers, and that just ain't right!

And they just done took over the parks. Why, ever weekend, they is out there with their whole extended family, multiple generations and all the cousins and nephews and stuff, picnick'in and barby-cuein' and doin' that family thing. Why, don't they know that us good God-fearin' Americans is the ones spozed ta be doin' that sorta thing? Well, except that I hate my cousin Bobby, and my newphew Josh is an insufferable know-it-all brat, and, well, Darlene says she'll let me do that have children stuff any day now...

But anyhow, you get the point. Weuns hate them pesky brown folks cuz they just SET A BAD EXAMPLE! Work hard? Believe in family? Believe in America (gasp!)? How DARE they be better Americans than us good god-fearin' Americans who done been here for, like, forever!

-- Bubba the Suthern Penguin