Thursday, July 15, 2010

A problem with girlfriends

I'm having a problem finding certain music on YouTube because 9/10ths of what I find turns out to be fan slash fiction about Justin Bieber. At which point I Google him and find that he's the latest teen heart-throb "singer" amongst tween girls. At which point I say to myself, why? So I go to Google Images and... dude. This is the most effeminate looking guy that I've seen since the drag queen parade at San Francisco Pride. Crap, *more* effeminate than the drag queens, now that I look more closely at it. He looks like a teen girl, slightly butch but not outrageously so. At which point I *still* wonder... why are the teen girls so hot on him?

The only thing I can think of is that he's non-threatening to tween girls. He's the non-bitchy best girlfriend they wish they had, the dyke girlfriend who they can dream about without actually having to worry about the actual, like, icky part (though the slash shows that not *all* of them stop at the icky part... ick!). Sort of the 2010's version of Lief Garrett. I guess that means he's going to grow up to be a scuzzy-looking felon living on the streets, that's just how these things work...

-- Badtux the Ancient Penguin


  1. I'm quite delighted to say I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about.

    JzB the aging trombonist

  2. Believe me, you are by far the better man for that. This was a gigantic waste of my time. I was just baffled by why I was coming up with so much Beiber slash for my Youtube queries for certain dyke bands... well, turns out Beiber is a bit beloved by dykes too. He's their dyke best girlfriend, I guess.

    - Badtux the Icked-out Penguin

  3. Jazz, this kid is so famous,he even caused a tweeny-bopper riot in Australia in April. In the pic on that link, he looks like a 12-year-old girl who's just starting to sprout tits.

    Back in the day, teen idols like David Cassidy from "The Partridge Family" at least used to come across like someone who would want to have sex with the girls who screamed for him. Around the New Kids on the Block time, boybands started getting more neutered. Now they're getting to be like 70s David Bowie, without the cool makeup.

    And appealing to lesbians? As the Kinks said, "Boys will be girls and girls will be boys, it's a mixed-up, muddled-up shook-up world..."

  4. Tux, why "ick"? My daughter was gay, I know dozens of gay women, they basically seem like regular people to me.

    Basically, I don't get the snark.

  5. By "ick" I meant sex, regardless of the gender of the two people having the sex. Tweens are just moving from the age at which sex with the gender of their attraction is "ick" to an age where sex might be something they consider doing. Justin Beiber is non-threatening regardless of what gender you're attracted to... to a dyke he looks like another dyke, to a straight girl he looks like a non-threatening best girlfriend, to a guy... well, guys don't look at Justin Beiber, other than for jocks giving him a wedgie in the locker room (a way for them to deny their own gay feelings), a situation I'm sure he's glad to be out of even if it's a bit crazy for him. But "the ick" doesn't really come into it... well, for most people. Like I said, the slash fan fiction on YouTube shows that there's some people who *will* go there, regardless.

    - Badtux the Icky Penguin

  6. I wonder if your last comment reveals the reason for the look---to appeal to almost everybody? To be a hit with lesbians and leery hetero girls both; to be non-threatening to either at that delicate age of decisions-impending?

  7. Thus Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. A frequently updated photoblog.

  8. BadTux -

    It's unexplainable. Hanson > Jonas Brothers > Beiber. I'm going for devolution as the only explanation.

    Oh, and he's Canadian, that most surely makes him as safe as can be.



  9. America has changed women, to hell with them, I go camping.

  10. Androgyny sure seems to be the new 'trend' in music-again-although in a new, less threatening way. Remember Poison, Motley Crue, Twisted Sister? (Dee Snyder is, by far, the ugliest 'woman' ever...) The new version, via the 70's hair revival, is back in a mainstream, non-threatening way.

    And all things, once released to the mainstream, are required to be exploited to a point where no one can hide from them.

    Unlike Jazzbumpa, I know exactly who you're talking about-but only because I have a three year old goddaughter who absolutely loves the child Bieber and his 'bouncy' tunes.

    I liken this to all of those 40-something women who lose their shit over "Twilight". If those were 40 year old dudes screaming for 17 year old girls, someone would be in jail...

    Keep enjoying the show-I'm sure the best is yet to come!

  11. Okay, I just made the mistake of heading over to YouTube to see if the kid had any talent. Err, no. He sounds like one of the Chipmunks. Alvin, maybe. I've heard good tween/teen singers before, generally classically trained ones in choirs, and Justin Beiber ain't one of them. But he's pleasant on the eyes, I guess, if you're a tween girl looking for a non-threatening best girlfriend...

    - Badtux the Music Penguin

  12. There was a bar recently in Ocean City, MD which was raided by the local cops because somebody thought that Bieber was in there drinking.

    Turns out it was lesbian in her late twenties, who was not at all amused to be rousted by the cops.

    Funny thing, though. You've posted some thought-provoking entries on the economy and racism and yet this is what is drawing the comments.

  13. Yeah, that one has me giggling a bit too. This was a throw-away post after a long thoughtful post, just a passing observation after seeing a photo of Beiber on the front cover of the local newspaper's "Entertainment" guide. I guess I'll need to post about the Jonas Brothers next to get my hit count *really* high :).

    - Badtux the Evil Penguin

  14. Dude. Your'e such a guy. Don't try to understand what 'tween girls want or like, lol


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