Monday, February 15, 2010

An astounding revelation

One of the things that is amazing about the Internets is the things you learn from reading your email. There you learn things like Obama is a socialist, Saddam's nuclear program would have blown up major cities any minute if we hadn't invaded, and I have been reliably informed that I am a banker who is running a blog solely as a brainwashing tool to brainwash my readers into believing that banks are great and gold bugs are demented idiots.

Needless to say, I am quite shocked, shocked I say, to hear all these things. Here I was, thinking that Obama was basically a moderate Republican what with him signing a bill allowing guns in national parks, continuing the Bush Administration's tax cuts, and so on, and now I learn he's actually the second coming of Vladimir Lenin? Whoa! And I knew something was fishy when the Bush Administration's own hand-picked weapons inspectors filed a report saying Saddam had no WMD... clearly, it's a conspiracy, a cover-up of mass proportions! And the fact that I'm secretly an agent of the Jew-run Federal Reserve out to enslave America... wow. Here I was, thinking I was just a regular old computer geek in the Silicon Valley who spends his days writing cool computer software and his evenings reading economics textbooks and econo-blogs, and I'm actually secretly part of some vast conspiracy to turn Americans into slaves of the New World Order? Cool!

So anyhow, gotta go. My phone's ringing, and I'm sure it's my controllers at Illuminati Headquarters with new instructions for me, probably going to dictate my next economics post so that it puts my masters into proper worshipful light. Bye now!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin


  1. Like the first one I looked at this morning from a life long friend who accused me of maliciously attacking his computer from my site. Yea I learned a lot alright! Just about enough to say fuck it all.

  2. In terms of economics, Clinton was to the right of Eisenhower, and B. Hoover Obama is to the right of Clinton.

    Right wingers are totally out of touch with reality.

    No wonder we're so fucking fucked.


  3. Hey, can you hook me up with one of those New World Order Banker Conspiracy jobs? I'm sick of working at a nonprofit, counseling bankrupt people for shit money. I want to MAKE people bankrupt and pocket millions! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

    I mean, damn. The Illuminatus Trilogy is probably my favorite novel(s), but even I don't think it's REAL.

  4. Aaron, unfortunately the Conspiracy appears to have forgotten to send me my paycheck for the past, uhm, thirty some odd years (some of them VERY odd, granted). So if you're looking for millions of dollars, joining the Banker Conspiracy is not how you do it, at least not at the blogger foot soldier level like you or I. The job does come with benefits, however. You get a nice picture book entitled How to Cackle an Evil Laugh accompanied by a CD-ROM with examples, and a white Persian cat to stroke while you cackle while typing in what your controllers told you to type in. Except, well, I already knew how to cackle (otherwise I wouldn't have joined an evil conspiracy, duh!), the ink in the picture book ran when I accidentally spilled some coffee on it, and my white Persian cat that they sent me turned out to be a sorta piebald alley cat with digestive problems that cause it to puke all over my carpet on a daily basis (although at least he does like being stroked while I cackle). Siiiigh! Being an evil minion just doesn't come with the benefits that it used to!

    But that's okay, I guess, because there's the final benefit: Seeing an evil job well done as the dumbasses that are the majority of the American public gladly embrace notions and ideas recycled from bad sci-fi novels such as "unregulated free markets" that are harmful to them but which enrich my masters. Bwahahahahahahaha! It is to laugh. If you are evil, that is.

    - Xutdab the Evil Penguin


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