Thursday, February 18, 2010

More than half of Texans are total fucking cretins

More than half of Texans believe that superstition, not science, should be what is taught in Biology classrooms. And why do I think these Christian Taliban aren't going to teach the creation story of the Church of Tuxology but, rather, are going to teach *their* particular superstition instead? Why are they going to teach about some dickwad who sent is own SON out to get tortured for no good reason that I can figure out (I mean, this dickwad is supposed to be the ALMIGHTY, he supposedly can just wave his magic wand or something and make shit happen, why would he need to send his son to get tortured in order to make shit happen?) when they could instead be teaching about the Beatific and Powerful Great Penguin, he of the pleasant rotundity and lazy demeanor, whose role in hatching the egg of the Universe is backed up by science (that "Big Bang"? That was the egg hatching, dudes!) and where the creation story of Man makes much more sense (Mankind being a devolved version of His holy species, penguins).

I mean, c'mon. You'd think these people had never heard of the Sacrament of the Herring. Sheesh!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

Bonus: The ever-popular Texan version of history, in pictures!


  1. I've never met a Texan that isn't an idiot, but I haven't met all of them.

  2. The idea of the ancient deity - let's call him/her/it the great 'boner - sacrificing the only son is presumably far older than kristianity, or even papa judyism.

    Basically everything in judy-kristianity is co-opted from somewhere else.

    The idea of 'boner having a chosen people - and if you don't accept that, the whole kristian wafer goes "poof" - makes sense in the old testament context when theology as based on "my 'boner can whip your 'boner."

    In the light of modern knowledge of life, the universe, and everything, it is not only ridiculous, it is loathsome.

    But people, especially conservatives, are very susceptible to magical thinking.

    That's just the way it is.

    And that is one more reason why:

  3. I wish I could apologize for all Texans, but I can't. Sometimes it's a terribly frightening place to live. And it's also extra-Texas-y. (Just ask us!)

    That said, we seem to regard Austin as floating slightly above Texas, much in the way that Princeton is seen as floating slightly above New Jersey, or Cambridge is "not in Boston", or that the US is divinely sanctioned to do no wrong. All of which of course are ludicrous.

    Anyway, if I had kids, I wouldn't raise them here.

    However, we do have good BBQ.

  4. Jazz, did you ever watch "Zeitgeist: The Movie"? It's like a compendium of all the conspiracy theories, from 9/11 Truthers to "the government is going to implant microchips in us all!" Parts of it are too far-fetched even for a paranoiac gold-bug like me. (It has a lot on the Federal Reserve and how money is REALLY created.)

    How this ties in to your comment is that the first (and more sensible) part of the movie details the many "Son of God" myths, starting with the Sumerians, that involve a god-spawned child who dies in the darkest part of winter, only to be reborn three days later. Point being, it's all about fear of the Sun going away. Maybe even monkeys, or at least pre-literate ancient humanoids, had the same stories. As do Texans...

    Anyway, if you never watched the movie, it's a free download. Parts are crap, but other parts are enlightening. (I'd skip "Zeitgeist: Addendum" though. Too much of this weird, bald guru-type guy who's apparently behind the films, talking his book about how to save humanity.)

  5. The pictures are priceless, BUT, they need to amend the COLORS!

    The dinos were a brown-yellow color, and that is probably because God wanted them to stand out from the green plants.

  6. Bukku -

    I deliberately avoided the sun-son word play. Somehow, I don't think it wold have worked in ancient Sumerian.

    Though, it would be really COOL if it did!

    Thanks for the Zeitgeist tip, but I doubt I'll ever take the time to watch it.

    jXb the son of 'boner trombonist


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