Monday, February 15, 2010

X it out!

A reputation for bad customer service got you down? Congressmen are calling your CEO to Capital Hill to testify about the atrocities that your company has committed against the American public? A proposed corporate merger turns into a public relations disaster as every major news network (except one) comes out with guns blazing to blast it as irresponsible and monopolistic?

Yes, times are tough out there, peoples. But never fear, CEO's know what to do when this happens: X it out! If you're a mercenary company called Blackwater under fire because your employees are sociopaths who kill little children just for fun, turn your name into Xe, and presto chango, you're no longer an evil mercenary company called Blackwater under fire because your employees are sociopaths who kill little children just for fun! And if you're a hated evil cable company called Comcast called "Comcrap" because your customer service people are morons and it takes months to get any problem fixed and they censor your Internet connection to keep you from using the bandwidth you're paying for... well, just change your name to Xfinity, and you're no longer a hated evil cable company with poor customer support and censored Internet connections!

Yessiree, it's that magic "X" letter that is the solution to all corporate problems, and Compost has decided to rebrand itself with it to, well, uhm... does anybody here think that Xe's mercenaries have suddenly quit being sociopaths who kill little children just for fun? Or that Xfinity's customer support people suddenly all received brain transplants and no longer get a deer in the headlights look when you point out that your Internet uplink is being swamped by outgoing traffic from one of your neighbors who has been virused by a botnet? Uhm.... alrighty, then!

-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

3 comments:

  1. Henceforth, I am jXb.

    I mis-typerate it that way sometimes, anyway.

    Cheers!
    jXb the Xed out trombonist

    ReplyDelete
  2. Given that I am now apparently gaining a reputation as a tool of the banking industry out to propagandize leftist dupes, perhaps I need a name change too in order to hide from my reputation. How about "Xutdab"? Just X it out!

    - Xutdab the Snarky Penguin

    ReplyDelete

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