Left: Beware the terrierists! Yessiree, our brave soldiers at Guantanamo Bay making sure them thare terrierists don't attack America have headed off yet ANOTHER threat to America: Underwear of Mass Destruction. Somebody, SOMEBODY I say, is smuggling UNAUTHORIZED UNDERWEAR to some of the darkies out there!
The administrators at Guantanamo Bay, knowing the real enemy of America -- those dastardly lawyer folks who insist that everybody, everybody regardless of skin color has certain rights guaranteed by our Constitution (how unpatriotic of them!) -- have of course accused the obvious suspects of providing these dastardly Undergarments of Mass Destruction, and issued a stern warning about the severity of such an action. Why, if lawyers give underwear to our clients, the ENTIRE PRISON COULD DISSOLVE INTO RUIN! And then all those dastardly terrierists, armed with their fresh undies, could swim across the Gulf of Mexico from Cuba to Florida with those undies clenched in their Allah-worshippin' teeth, sneak into our bedrooms at night, and STRANGLE US ALL WITH THOSE UNDIES! But the lawyers, being dastardly worshippers of that un-American "Constitution" document, react with ill-considered laughter, pointing out that underwear is not, in general, a function that lawyers provide to their clients.
But don't worry, I'm sure the brave men and women defending our freedoms at Guantanamo will shortly put those un-American worshippers of that "Constitution" thingy into their own jail cells side by side with their so-called "clients"! Yessiree, let's all raise a salute to the brave prison administrators at Guantanamo Bay. They're keeping us safer and defending our freedoms one pair of speedos and one lawyer at a time. God Bless America! U S A! U S A! U S A!
-- Badtux the Snarky Penguin