Wednesday, April 18, 2012

If Lassie had been a cat

"Meow."

"Lassie! Where's Timmie?"

"Meow."

"Is Timmie okay?"

"Meow."

"Did Timmie fall down a well again?"

"Meow."

"Take me to Timmie, Lassie!"

"Meow."

"No no, you're not supposed to rub around my legs and try to trip me. Timmie needs our help!"

"Meow."

"Wait. Where are you going? That's Timmie's house... what? Why are you sniffing your food bowl by the back door?!"

"Meow."

"If I feed you, will you lead me to Timmie?"

"Meow."

A few hours later, Timmie tires out swimming at the bottom of the well, and drowns. Lassie moves in with Ranger Corey and becomes quite fat both from all the mice she eats, and the cat food that Ranger Corey helpfully provides.

Meanwhile, Timmie's mourning foster parents visit a small grave once per year, and say, "If only we'd gotten Timmie a dog instead of a cat..."

The End.

-- Badtux the Cat-owned Penguin

2 comments:

  1. The good thing about a cat is, if you get an expression of love, it actually means you've earned it.

    Just don't expect much beyond the cat's original contract: if it isn't a small critter that needs to be hunted and bitten, then it's just not kitty's job.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nonsense. Kitties have all sorts of jobs. Tracking litter all over the house, for instance. And shedding. Definitely shedding. I have a black-and-white cat and a tabby-and-white cat, and both are experts at shedding whichever fur contrasts with the color of the clothes/bedding/furniture they're shedding on. Then there's Refusing To Eat Food With Medicine In It; Clawing Furniture; and Eating African Violets. These are all time-hallowed kitty tasks.

    My own cats have taken on, all by their own initiative, other tasks as well. Rocky has decided to wash my hair in the middle of the night (a generous effort on his part that inexplicably gets him tossed off the bed) and Paddy had decided to practice Kitty Acupuncture on me while purring enthusiastically.

    Real beavers, these cats.

    ReplyDelete

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