Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I can haz WMD?

The slobbering morons at the Hoover Institute, established by the worst President evah (though George W. Bush may have displaced him), now inform us that... spam and viruses are as deadly as nuclear weapons.

Really? I haven't noticed spam making me glow in the dark. I've never seen spam kill anybody. Spam is like the common goddamned cold, for cryin' out loud -- it's always out there, and it can make you miserable, but you simply don't die from the shit.

But none of that matters to the drooling cretins at the Hoover Institute, cretins so moronic that they propose that KIDS with M-16's be deployed to fight spam. WTF? What goddamned good is siccing the National Guard on spammers going to do? What we need to do is sic law enforcement on them -- and if any ISP's don't cooperate, shut them down. If they're overseas ISP's, cut them off -- no (zero) access to the civilized world from their IP address ranges. I mean, this isn't rocket science, folks. We know how to take down spammers. It's just that they've been hiding behind foreign ISP's. Well, there's an easy way to handle that -- simply cut off any ISP which refuses to cooperate in taking down spammers -- but our backbone providers here in the United States won't do it, and thus far there's no law to make'em do it. But we can fix that. We don't need the goddamned National Guard to handle this thing. I mean, we got tens of thousands of paramilitary policemen on SWAT teams all around the country who can slam through ISP doors with their jackboots to force them to comply with court orders perfectly well, thank you.

So what are the dunce boys from the Hoover Institute up to? Hell if I know. I suppose they needed to write something to get their next quarter's Wingnut Welfare, and this is the drool they dribbled to justify their Wingnut Welfare. But the fact that there's people who might actually take this bullshit seriously -- who think a virus or spam can actually, well, kill people, just like atomic bombs -- sorta rankles this here penguin who grew up under the runway of a major SAC airbase knowin' he was gonna fuckin' die if the Soviets ever decided to actually launch their missiles (we didn't practice duck-and-cover in our city, there was no fuckin' point, we were all deader than Richard Nixon and Zombie Ronald Reagan if the big one lit off and we damn well knew it). Morons. Cretins. Idiots. GAH! THE STUPID! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!

-- Badtux the "Virus=nuke?!" Penguin

Below: A typical Hoover Institute resident scholar performs a study of adding seafood to one's diet, and finds it a bit more difficult than expected...

funny pictures of cats with captions


  1. Well, Tuxy,

    If they could make up and sell effectively WMD being in Iraq even though the UN inspectors couldn't find any . . . this should be cake.

    You are right on the money with these morons (although, not really that dumb - or not afraid to be thought so in search of the next perfect bubble). Their upcoming gambit has to be even more fantastic I'd guess. Just go ahead and make up something that every educated person knows is nonsense, and sell it like mad on Faux News.

    At least 27% of the population will embrace it immediately like it's the next sermon from the mount. And another 18% will say that they've made a pretty good case.

    Good catch!


  2. Define spam as including those fact-finding bloggers and then you can bring in the Return of Bush!

    What dissent? These are terrists! Gitmo is too good fer 'em, send 'em to the Cheney-built 'detention centres'.


  3. I think part of my brain just melted.

  4. What the Hoover Institution describes is a great thing for authoritarianism. It seems like that's what it, and the Republican Party it thinks for, are all about now. Yeeeeeeeeeah, THAT'S what America needs, an armed National Guard monitoring computer traffic, for "attacks" by "spammers"(words to be re-defined as needed.)

    The real Hoobert Heever, who did a lot of decent things in his life (including opening up mining in Australia before he became the second-worst president ever) would be appalled at the stink tank that bears his name. At least I hope he would. I never knew the man, after all...

  5. Then there's this Commission on Cybersecurity for the 44th Presidency, which is suggesting sanctions for countries that harbor cybercriminals. Why do I have a feeling these cybersecurity talking heads aren't really that familiar with computers?


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