Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Secular atheist professors are anti-Tuxology

This penguin applauds the Florida legislature for moving an Academic Bill of Rights towards passage. This bill, opposed by those evil intelligent and educated people, would give equal time to both those evil liberal atheist professors' beliefs and those of my religion, Tuxology, the Religion of Digestive Health. Tuxologists everywhere applaud this. Leftist elitist professors hate it. With their irrational belief in things like "scientific method" and "evidence", these "scholars" are obviously anti-America and objectively pro-terrorist. And with their elitist belief that studying a subject for decades makes them better qualified than 18 year old students or semi-literate state legislators to make statements about their subject, why, what an elitist attitude! Next thing you know, they're going to insist that, say, a doctor who has spent decades studying and doing surgery is more qualified to remove an inflamed appendix than a guy who went to his local book store and picked up a copy of "Surgery for Dummies"!

The first target of young Tuxologist college students, once this bill becomes law, will be Geography professors. See, we Tuxologists believe that the world is a flat disk carried on the backs of four elephants facing in the directions of the compass, all of whom are standing upon the back of Great A'Tuin the World Turtle as he swims through the sea of stars. We insist -- nay, DEMAND -- that these evil elitist Geography professors give equal time to our theory! And the law says that if they don't, we can SUE them! YAY! *Finally* we can give these evil dictatorial Geography professors, with their ridiculous notion that the world is round (what a silly notion!), exactly the treatment they deserve -- a quick trip to Hell, Arizona, to be flagellated with limp herring at the hands of the mighty Penguin Inquisition. Fear the Penguins!

So remember: Either you support David Horrorwitz's "Academic Bill of Rights" giving equal time to Tuxology's theory that the world is a flat disc, or you're, you're, a LIBERAL DOODY-HEAD and ANTI-AMERICAN!

- Badtux the Snarky Penguin

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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous29/3/05 4:45 PM

    Mr. Penguin,
    I knew a geography professor who was a crack head (well, actually, since he was a well-to-do elitist, he smoked 'base'). I'm sure that, for a rock or two, he'd be happy to agree with your theory. As our current administration has repeatedly demonstrated, once you have an expert on your side, any idea you put forth has to be given equal time. Like the notion that our 'missile defence' will actually shoot down missiles. Or that idea that the Clear Skies Initiative will reduce pollution. Or the suggestion that the Healthy Forests Initiative will help us keep forests.
    Really, you should look into it.

    Optional

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous29/3/05 9:19 PM

    Jeez, where is the Tuxic Avenger when the world and democracy need him?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous30/3/05 5:42 AM

    Liberal doody-head?

    ReplyDelete
  4. BadTux30/3/05 8:59 AM

    Hey, look, I had to get down on the same level as the "Intelligent Design" people when they talk about their critics. "Liberal doody-head" is about as intellectual as they get, y'know?

    ReplyDelete

Ground rules: Comments that consist solely of insults, fact-free talking points, are off-topic, or simply spam the same argument over and over will be deleted. The penguin is the only one allowed to be an ass here. All viewpoints, however, are welcomed, even if I disagree vehemently with you.

WARNING: You are entitled to create your own arguments, but you are NOT entitled to create your own facts. If you spew scientific denialism, or insist that the sky is purple, or otherwise insist that your made-up universe of pink unicorns and cotton candy trees is "real", well -- expect the banhammer.

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