Friday, February 18, 2005

A War on Fun(tm) double-decker!

Now, I expected this out of Pastor John Asscroft, a holy roller who, just looking at his dyspeptic face, you knew the man was mortally offended that someone, somewhere, was having fun. Pastor John looked like the kind of guy who would deliberately think about something completely unsexy -- like, say, maybe Dick Cheney naked -- while doing his marital duty with his wife, 'cause, y'know, marital duty shouldn't be THAT fun, right? So it wasn't really anything exciting when Pastor John, obsessed with the fact that some man, somewhere, was getting a woody by looking at dirty pictures, filed charges of "obscenity" against the publishers of those dirty pictures for (gasp) GIVING MEN SOMETHING TO LOOK AT WHILE JACKING OFF. Which, of course, is fun. Which is a mortal offense in the world of dyspeptic old coots like Pastor John.

Now comes Attorney General Abu Gonzales, an altogether creepier guy (who, remember, wrote the famous torture memo that said that as long as you didn't kill the prisoner, it wasn't torture). You don't get the impression, looking at Abu Gonzales, that he's offended about people elsewhere having fun. You get the impression that he's getting a woody while thinking about waterboarding people. Or piling them in naked pyramids. Or beating them with socks full of sand until every part of their body aches. Or rubbing his hands with glee over the notion of splashing shit and urine all over prisoners then parading them naked down the center aisle of the prison on a leather leash. When he was a boy, he probably specialized in pulling the legs off of frogs and shoving lit firecrackers up cats' bungholes. He looks like one of those people who does have fun -- in a sick, demented sort of way.

So the question is this: Why has Attorney General Abu Gonzales continued Pastor John's jihad against vendors of products that (gasp) help men have fun?! Is it that he just enjoys the notion of putting people in prison because gay prison sex makes his little soldier fire off a one gun salute? Or what?

Curious penguins want to know!

- Badtux the Curious Penguin

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1 comment:

  1. The Heretik18/2/05 8:19 PM

    Mister Penguin, and if one might, Sir: Fight on, flippered one. Fight on for the one fun that rules us all. Flip against these floppers, flap your flippers, flap them all until they fall.

    ReplyDelete

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